Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
ready to walk away..
This is more of a vent, but I could also use some advice. I'm feeling like my relationship has been over for months now and we're only in it because of baby. She's just over 3 months now. When I got pregnant we weren't in a relationship but might as well have been. Well after lots of arguing about what to do we decided to move in together. Long story short I had a rough pregnancy and he cheated on me frequently never physically but there were plenty of nude pics to verify.
I decided to stay all this time because I was to sick to try and move nor did I really have anywhere to go. And I wanted my daughter to have a real shot of having a family together as neither of us did.
Well January comes and baby is born, things changed for the better, he stopped talking to other girls, and was coming around more often. Well now I feel like a single mom, we still live together but he basically sits on his computer or phone when home. He's actually gone days with out seeing baby because of going out. It makes me sick. Everytime he wants to do something he asks me so back handedly like 'did you want me to come home, because I was going to go out with Chris..' Like what am I supposed to say No you have to come home. I don't feel like forcing him to spend time with his daughter I feel like as an adult it's a decision he needs to make on his own. Even at home I have to ask for help before he'll move a finger.
Like now I'm working until 1 am and I still have to wake up with the baby (not that I mind) at 6 am and he sleeps until 10. I just don't see it as being fair at all. But his 'friend' (one of the girls that sent pictures) Has a bad back and she was alone with her son tonight, so he took our back massager over there and is helping her with her son. I feel like he cares more about this little boy than he does his own child.
It's taken such a toll I don't even talk to him when we're together now. I feel like I'd be better on my own, but I really don't want to have to make a custody agreement. My daughter is best taken care of by me and I would die if I didn't see her daily.
Sorry for the long rant I guess I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, fight for my family or throw in the towel and walk away..
Re: ready to walk away..
I'm sorry. It's not an easy situation to be in.
Walk away (or make him move) and get child support.
You should have done so when it was clear he was still interested in other women.
THis is somebody immature. You can't make a guy grow up and you cannot make a guy accept responsibility.
He's telling you loud and clear he does not want a relationship with you. Sorry.
Say goodbye to him as soon as possible -- and retain an attorney for child support issues.
Not likely he will be given full custody of the baby, either.
It's clear you're trying to make this work "for the baby" - but you probably wouldn't be w/ him if it weren't for the fact you have a baby. This wasn't a strong relationship before you got PG, and it's clearly not one now.
Come on- you know what the truth is. He isn't interested. Forcing this relationship isn't going to do your DD any good. You really want her growing up thinking THIS Is what a relationship is like? So that she can then continue the cycle herself?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm sorry you are in this mess.
I think he is cheating. I think he likes or is sleeping with the girl who needs help with her "back". Get an STD test. Then get a lawyer. Finally kick his booty out.
You have put up with enough from him and you tried. You and your DD deserve more and your daughter should see a healthy relationship. This relationship is not a "real" relationship because he doesn't see it that way.
I agree with others! Walk away!!! I know it is hard when you have a child together. My ex-husband and I have a child together and nothing hurt more than having to establish a custody agreement. It was not easy and it is still hard 2 years later to adjust to it BUT I am way happier as a person and now I am remarried to a wonderful man.
Get yourself a lawyer and DOCUMENT everything that is going on. The neglect he has for your daughter, etc. Document everything he says, does, etc. This will help your custody case. Make them see that he is a poor father.
Good luck!
I am so sorry about all this! I know it must be awful for you.
As others have said, I think it is time to walk away from this relationship. I know you said you are staying for your daughter, but it sounds like you truly love her and want the best for her. Living with a basically absent father is not good for her and you being upset/stressed by this relationship is not good for her either. Children are very perceptive.
Is there a friend or family member you can stay with to help you get back on your feet?
I wish you all the best!
Exactly.