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Ready to move on..
My fianc? and I have been together for 4 years now (Engaged since Oct. 2011). We have a 7 month old little boy, who is the light of my life. But I'm ready to move on with my life, without my sons father. To be simple, I don't love him anymore. We sleep in separate rooms now. He would rather drink than help me with out little boy. He's also got a 5 year old from a previous engagement that he NEVER calls and barely sees him. My fianc?s parents are the ones who go get his 5 year old about once a month (he lives 3 hours away) and only then do we see him. When his other son is down, his grandparents keep him the whole time, so we go over there to visit. He is still very immature, and will not get his priorities right. He is 28 years old, and still stuck at 21. I don't want to take my son away from his dad, but I don't want to continue to make myself miserable by staying with him. What do I do??
Re: Ready to move on..
YOu are now more or less stuck with the bio dad for 171/2 more years.
Do your little guy a favor:
Tell your stbxFI that you will not have any contact with him until he is clean and sober with the help of AA and a sponsor and/or a drug and alcohol counselor. He will NOT, tell him, have any contact with his child until your stbxFI is clean and sober.
YOu are making the right decision. Wishing you and the little guy luck.
It sounds as though your fiance has essentially abandoned his first child, and my guess is that the baby's Mom made a good choice. It's now your turn.
He's not acting 21, he's acting like a teenager. Your child deserves the opportunity to first, have both parents, but if that doesn't work, have an excellent role model in his mother. Working hard, getting ahead, making a life for him is what he needs. If it can't happen with his dad around, (maybe with some counselling), then do it alone.
I raised my son alone, but I was 31 when he was born. He's successful, has a grad degree, and drawn to independent and smart women. When I had my daughter 18 years ago, and things didn't work out with her dad, I made sure she knew what a strong woman was about. She is now one.
I know that dealing with your child's Dad adds an element to the equation. But the one thing I always knew was that if nothing else, I would raise my children right and be a role model for them. They didn't ask to be here, I made a choice to bring them into this world (in spite of the fact neither was planned).
Good luck with your choices. I think you have already made it, but I would still attempt to do some counseling, if not joint, then for yourself if you can.
I know plenty of children who come from divorced previously unhappy families. A lot of them were happier when their parents split, if you would believe that, just because their parents made each other so unhappy.
Also, this type of dad does not seem as good as no dad.
I am wondering about the circumstances of your son's conception.
Regardless, you need to break up with this guy. I'm sure next time you'll pick a better father.