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An Old Best Friend -- Female
I need a little help deciphering my feelings on this one.
A little background. Shortly before husband and I were married (about 6 months?), husband received a message from a girl he was best friends with in middle and high school. They had not talked since right before I had begun dating my husband in our second year of college. Apparently she had gotten offended (very) over something he had done/said and just cold turkey stopped talking to him. Anyway, she sends him a message explaining how she has grown a lot in the last twoish years and realize that what had made her so upset was silly and juevinille and so much so time had gone by and so many big life events (she had gotten married a few months before), and she wanted to reconnect. Husband was happy, and that didn't bother me. He let me read the message and everything--even wanted to invite her to the wedding(which I did think was a little too much too fast. It had been a few years after all.). Fast forward to now. Husband and old friend text, not a lot but a decent amount and she asks for his advice on big life matters. Okay, fine, friends do that. They occasionally talk on the phone--he usually lets me know when they will, but not always.
My issue is this: I am starting to get rather jealous feelings about this girl. I know that they were friends and want to be again and that she has known him longer than I, but sometimes I get jealous and upset at the ease of their communication and the joking. Husband and i used to be more joking like that when we dated, but he isn't that way with me anymore.
Am I over reacting or is it okay to feel this way?
Re: An Old Best Friend -- Female
No you are not over reacting! If you don't like it, then it's a problem in your relationship. I would sit down with him and talk over some boundaries that you both should follow when it comes to opposite sex friends.
ps... It's weird that she consults big decisions with him. I am married and talk with my husband about family decisions.
I'm confused as to what she is really asking your H? Is she venting about big life choices or is she following your Hs advice? Is she confiding about marriage problems and issues her and her H are having?
Look they had a falling out and lost 2 years and have been playing catch up. It seems it's a little much and they are over doing it a bit. If these are just text/ phone calls I hope they aren't interfering with time you and your H spend together. If they are then that is the issue you talk to your H about.
If you are questioning this friendship and it's making you uncomfortable in anyway then you H needs to know. Tell him how you feel and your perspective of all of this.
Well, I consult my husband first and he is my first confidant-but I def talk about big life decisions with my best friend, who is a guy. Of course, usually it is just telling him about them, as I don't think I've been in a place where he could actually offer advice, and we're usually too busy to text much aside from talking.
However, I see where you are coming from. I want to be the innest in crowd with my husband!
I think you might be afraid that your husband is diverting emotional energy from your relationship and perhaps putting her first when it comes to interaction? You should talk to him.
...but sometimes I get jealous and upset at the ease of their communication and the joking. Husband and i used to be more joking like that when we dated, but he isn't that way with me anymore.
It sounds like your relationship has changed and that happens with time, but you feel as though he is withholding certain aspects of his personality from you but not her. There is not right or wrong with boundaries, every couple has to set them. You do not have to be okay with a really close female friend.
I would talk to your DH about your feelings instead of letting them fester. See how he listens and reacts. You not being ok with this relationship is cause for a conversation. Do not talk yourself out of your feelings, if you are over reacting his reassurance or response will help you get past those feelings.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12