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Separate Bedrooms

What do you think?

I have been sleeping in our guest room/office. I guess I just need a lot of space. I wonder if it will hurt my marriage overtime, but I was feeling crowded. 

Re: Separate Bedrooms

  • WendyGRWendyGR member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker

    What was feeling crowded? Do you have a King bed? or is it the bedroom itself? or do you mean that you need mental space?

     

  • I know that there are people who do this, and who are totally fine with it. However, the thought of it bothers me, although I can't really articulate why. After all, it isn't exactly spending quality time together when you are both asleep. I'm assuming you guys still have a satisfying sex life, and that you make time for cuddling if you are into it. If it truly is just sleeping apart, then I think it doesn't necessarily mean you are doomed. What does your H think about it.
  • I don't see an issue with separate bedrooms as long as the two of you are OK with it.  I really like my space sometimes so I think it is something I would be interested in doing if I ever live with someone.
  • Is it possible you are just a restless sleeper or you have something like restless leg syndrome?

    Is that what you mean by you need room?

    Separate bedrooms aren't such a great idea --- you still need the intimacy that the act of sleeping together in the same bed brings to the both of you.
  • imageTarponMonoxide:
    Is it possible you are just a restless sleeper or you have something like restless leg syndrome?

    Tarpon - I believe the medical term you're looking for is "jimmy legs."  (Can't help myself when I can throw in a Seinfeld reference).

    OP - I'm confused by your post, if you're looking for physical space or mental space??  If it's simply physical space, I don't see the harm.  I usually head up to bed earlier and my husband stays up and watches tv, often falls asleep on the sofa.  No big deal.  If you're looking for some emotional space (and you feel like you need it on a regular basis) then I'd look into what is the cause.  Because avoiding one another won't make your issues go away.

     

  • Thank you all!  

    It's mental and emotional space. I have been struggling with a very difficult situation with my career and my H. does not really 'get it'. Rather than tossing and turning at night (which is what I have been doing as of late) I found it much easier to move to the other room. I feel guilty, but at the same time much better.  

  • ever since i was little my parents never slept in the same bed, my dad snored and my mom couldn't sleep, so he slept on the couch in the basement, but to the day he passed away in 2007 they were still happy and in love. 
  • anssettanssett member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    My parents slept in different rooms because he snored so loudly and she couldn't sleep. I see that as really different from not communicating well about your troubles and sleeping separately because it's easier than supporting each other. That seems like a path to trouble for me.
  • imageanssett:
    My parents slept in different rooms because he snored so loudly and she couldn't sleep. I see that as really different from not communicating well about your troubles and sleeping separately because it's easier than supporting each other. That seems like a path to trouble for me.
    Nice path for sure. 
  • if you feel like you need it, you need it.  the worst thing you can do is force intimacy with your spouse, seriously.... as long your DH knows that you love him but that you need to honor what you're feeling right now... i don't see much of a problem.
  • my H and i sleep in separate bedrooms.  he snores like a train and i can still hear him unless we're in different rooms and both doors are shut.  we've done this for a long time--we've been married for almost 10 and a half years.  he also goes to bed much later than i do and i have to get up hours before he does.  it works fine for us. i have a feeling this is more common than people think, but that most people don't readily admit to it because there is a stigma attached.  i, for one, couldn't care less.  everyone knows we're happy.  :)
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