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Smoking/drinking- long
I have never smoked anything. Ever. No cigarettes, no pot, no cigars. Nothing. I just never had the desire to. I thought they were all gross-smelling. A lot of my family smoked cigarettes and my dad smoked pot on ocassion, so it wasn't like my family would shun me if I tried it. I just never wanted to.
When I turned 21, I didn't really care. I don't really enjoy drinking. I hate the taste of beer, and when I drink mixed drinks, my lips go numb and my shoulders get hot and sore (weird, I know), so I don't drink that often. Maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I don't mind it, and I know there is always someone who is sober(me) when I go out with a group of friends. I enjoy being the responsible one. And I can have a good time when I am not drinking, even if I am around people who are.
DH loves beer. He LOVES it. Not Bud or something- he likes good craft beer. Our city has a pretty good craft beer "scene," so DH likes to go out to different bars and breweries with his friends from school/work and me. Almost every time we go, he will order a "girly" beer so I can try it. If I don't like it, he'll drink the rest. If I do like it, I'll finish and he'll order himself something else. It's never been a problem. He smoked (pot) when he was younger, in his teens, and I have always known about it, but it doesn't bother me. He hasn't smoked pot (to my knowledge) in over 3 years, and has smoked the occasional cigarette when he's out with his friends). It doesn't really bother me- as long as he doesn't pick it up as a habit, I could care less.
Today he asked me why I have never tried pot. All I could say was "I have never wanted to try it and I don't think I'll like it." He said I am not giving it a "fair chance" in saying I don't like it, since I have never tried it. He said "You thought you wouldn't like certain beers, but you tried them and you do like them. So how can you say you don't like smoking?" Again, all I said was "I had the desire to try beer, I don't have the desire to smoke." I don't want to say we were arguing, but he kept pressing the matter. It's like he WANTS me to smoke and that he is upset that I have never tried it. I ended the conversation with "You like to drink, and that's fine. I don't care. If you wanted to smoke, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but you are an adult and can make your own decisions. You can make the decision to smoke/drink just as much as I can make the decision not to. If it's what you want to do, then do it."
I feel like he is annoyed that I don't want to smoke or drink more often. It's ok that I don't want to, right? I just don't feel like it really serves a purpose.. Like I said, if he wants to, that is his decision to make. But just because he wants to, doesn't mean I need to, also, right?
Re: Smoking/drinking- long
You're an adult. You're allowed to make these choices for yourself. And it's called RESPECT. You respect his choice to drink and smoke. He needs to respect yours NOT too. It's very immature to pressure you about this.
ESPECIALLY because pot is ILLEGAL. He's pressuring you to do something that is actually against the law. Has he done coke, heroin, meth? If not, why not? (No, I would NOT suggest trying it JUST to try it - but... its the same concept).
Take the illegal out of it. People love skydiving. Sure, I can respect that it might be exhillerating and I might LOVE it - but, I have no desire to do it and really don't foresee myself ever doing it.
I'm SURE there are things he hasn't done "just because" they don't interest him.
Remind him of this and remindhim that a part of being an adult is respecting others' choices even if they are different than yours.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah, this whole conversation is weird. Why is he pressuring you into doing something that you have no interest in?
Thanks for all of your input, ladies. After I said "I just don't want to. It's ok if you want to, but I don't." he dropped it. I just think it's weird that he KEPT going on about it- for like 20 minutes. We haven't talked about it since (even though it's only been half of an afternoon) so hopefully it's behind us.
I really hope he doesn't smoke in our house- I hadn't thought of that. Especially since we will be moving into our dream home later this month. I don't want it to turn into the smoking hangout for him and his friends... I think he knows I would not allow that to happen, so hopefully he doesn't even ask. I don't want to be the "mean wife" that makes her husband follow rules- but smoking in our house is something I just do not want!!
I drink and used to smoke pot a lot. I still smoke pot on occasion, i.e. once or twice a year. First - there is a big difference between liking the taste of beer and being stoned. So his argument is plain old stupid. Second - why does he care so much? It's a personal choice. And clearly you haven't given him a hard time about his choices. He's being a turd. Just ask him to drop the subject and to not bring it up again in the future.
My husband doesn't drink during the week, but drinks quite a bit on the weekends when we are relaxing, and I'm ok with that. I have a beer or glass of wine most nights, because I like it. He doesn't drink during the week, and I respect that...........don't even consider it odd. On the weekends when he drinks the most, he is always chiding me for quitting after one or two beers...."come on honey, it's fun". Um, no it's not. I've told him I don't like waking up with hangovers.
I think people who partake feel uncomfortable around those who don't, as if they are being judged or not "fun". Stand up for yourself and make sure you continue to do so.