A wwgpmd post.. (long)

sb2006 · May 2013

I really value all of your opinions and sometimes it helps to just type it out so here it is...

After the 2 years it took to get pregnant DH and I had decided that we wouldn't use BC after LT got here because we didn't think the chances of getting pregnant were high. After he got here though I realized that on the off chance it were to happen I was not ready. So we decided to wait until LT was 9 months to reevaluate. Banking on the recent job change in the military (which was supposed to make him undeployable for a year Dec 2012-Dec 2013) and that we would be stationed in GA for 3 years.

Now we are just a month and a half from 9 months (holy cow where has the time gone?!) and we found out that DH will be deployed for a year starting this fall. Do we start now and pray that we get pregnant or wait until he comes back? Wwyd?

Here are some factors-

- We always wanted our children close together (if we do not get pregnant then they will be at least 34 months apart)

- DH will quite possibly miss the birth and will miss the entire pregnancy

- I had hoped to have my child bearing years over by 30 and I am 25 now.

-We want at least 3

- Nothing is for sure in the Army and this deployment could be canceled (though DH says not to count on it!)

- I was hoping to be at a better weight before getting pregnant again (which I would have the ability to do while he was away)

TIA

cinderin · May 2013

JMO - but I would have a really hard time with a small child and being PG without DH around. I don't think I would be able to do it.

But you know you, you know if you would be able to do it.

bobcee · May 2013

I personally don't think I could handle a toddler and pregnancy/newborn without some help. Do you have other family around that could help you out? I know the military is typically pretty family oriented and will help each other out, so are you close to anyone that may be able to help?

I've had pretty easy pregnancies both times around, not even a day of morning sickness, but even I needed a break from DD for a bit just to relax and without any support, I may have gone crazy. Plus I wouldn't want my H to miss the beginning stages of our new child's life when bonding is so important. But, I also know there's no guarantee that when he gets back, he won't be deployed again when you do finally get pregnant, so it's a really tough call.

Really, you can ask for all the advice you want, but no one is in your shoes and can tell you what is best for you. Do you feel ready or will you be overwhelmed? Maybe you and your H can sit down and make a list of pros and cons to help in the decision?

vitan · May 2013

Ditto what pp said. Big question is: will you have help? I am pregnant with my 2nd (a pleasant surprise) and this pregnancy is rough. Nothing like my first. If it weren't for my mom's help and DH's, it would be ridiculously hard. Also, you are pretty young and I know you want to be done by 30 but I will be 34 when second one is born and we're still not sure we're done. Not that that will change your mind but just to give you another perspective.

waterfall213 · May 2013

cinderin:
JMO - but I would have a really hard time with a small child and being PG without DH around. I don't think I would be able to do it.
But you know you, you know if you would be able to do it.

ITA with this. I was so tired when I was pregnant. I don't think I could do it alone, especially with a LO.

Only you and DH can make this decision, but me personally, I would wait until he was home from deployment.

sb2006 · May 2013

bobcee:
I personally don't think I could handle a toddler and pregnancy/newborn without some help. Do you have other family around that could help you out? I know the military is typically pretty family oriented and will help each other out, so are you close to anyone that may be able to help?
I can move home- either to ME or VA- I may do this anyway. The military is usually like a family but I have yet to make any friends here. I have no doubt that I could handle it- I guess I just don't know if I WANT to handle it kwim?
Really, you can ask for all the advice you want, but no one is in your shoes and can tell you what is best for you. Do you feel ready or will you be overwhelmed? Maybe you and your H can sit down and make a list of pros and cons to help in the decision?
DH is all for having another- he has been ready since LT was born! He also will respect however I decide how I feel. I'm not sure that I am ready but I have been putting 9 months thing in my head. The thought of not having another baby for so long makes me very sad.

sb2006 · May 2013

Thanks ladies- I'm still conflicted. I welcome all your opinions it does help me truly think things through.

MRads · May 2013

I would ask other military mamas who have been a pregnant, with toddlers, during a deployment. I feel like this is a situation that having the perspective of people who have gone through it would be invaluable. Good luck with your decision!

Shazzie116 · May 2013

MRads:
I would ask other military mamas who have been a pregnant, with toddlers, during a deployment. I feel like this is a situation that having the perspective of people who have gone through it would be invaluable. Good luck with your decision!

I agree. I would try to talk to people who have been in that situation. I wish you luck with whatever you decide!

wiggyslilsis · May 2013

The part where you said you know you can do it you just don't know if you want to pretty much described where I was at.

DH and I had decided that we were going to startTTC #2 in August putting the birth of the second child (hopefully) after Ava Nichol's 2nd birthday. Up until Ava Nichol's first birthday I was all for this and thought there was no way I could wait until August. Then I slowly started to realize just how much work/energy Ava Nichol takes/is going to take and I started dreading being pregnant with a toddler. DH kept telling me that we could do it but it would be hard work and that people do it all the time. Finally I told him I know we could do it but do we want to or do we just want to wait a little longer.

My suggestion for you is don't get pregnant again until you know you are ready. You will be much more relaxed about it if you are ready and prepared for what you are getting into. Try not to let the external stuff (the deployment, infertility, etc) pressure you. It can help you decide based on the circumstances but don't let those things be the reason. Get pregnant and have another baby because you want to!

Of course, even if you aren't completely ready and you do get pregnant you will still be ecstatic and you will figure it out (it just depends on if you want to have to figure it out!)

Good luck with your decision

carcrashheart · May 2013

i have conflicting thoughts:

1) you're assuming that you would get pregnant before he is deployed. in my eyes, that could potentially be a huge assumption. but everyone's journey is different, so maybe you would get pregnant before he was deployed. we've been NNT since AF returned in december and there's been no pregnancy so i truly feel that we will have to seek out help again. the annoying addage that once you've been pregnant your body will want to do it again is BS in my life, but may not be for yours. those are things to think about.

2) i watched my sister become pregnant while her #1 was about 9 months old. it was hard. she was sick in the beginning, far more exhausted than she was with #1 and had to take care of a mobile child starting around the time that she was 3 months pregnant. she seemed to be surprised by how much harder it was to be pregnant while taking care of another child. further, i've sat in her house while she takes care of 2 children and let me tell you-i leave there reconsidering NNT for #2. it is chaos. she is TIRED. she told me yesterday if she isn't holding one baby she is holding the other. her #1 has begun to say "baby cry. mommy cry." because she often reaches breaking points frequently where she is so overwhelmed. her husband works until late in to the evening most of the time. is she doing it? absolutely. would she change it? i doubt it. but is it as easy as it seems? hellll no.

sb2006 · May 2013

MRads:
I would ask other military mamas who have been a pregnant, with toddlers, during a deployment. I feel like this is a situation that having the perspective of people who have gone through it would be invaluable. Good luck with your decision!

I actually was the support system for a friend who had her baby while our husbands were deployed the last time. Although her situation then would be very different then mine- she had two children at the time and the youngest was 3. The general rule with the military community is that you can't make your life wait for the Army- if you do you'll never get anything done. The few people I have mentioned it to basically tell me that!

sb2006 · May 2013

carcrashheart:
i have conflicting thoughts:
1) you're assuming that you would get pregnant before he is deployed. in my eyes, that could potentially be a huge assumption. but everyone's journey is different, so maybe you would get pregnant before he was deployed. we've been NNT since AF returned in december and there's been no pregnancy so i truly feel that we will have to seek out help again. the annoying addage that once you've been pregnant your body will want to do it again is BS in my life, but may not be for yours. those are things to think about.
I'm not even close to assuming- the infertile in me still screams as if! I only try and look at it and know that it is technically possible. Honestly I'm still breastfeeding every 3 hours and my periods haven't come back regularly. In fact they have come back in the same way they were while we were trying to get pregnant. Making me fear that we will once again have to seek treatment.
2) i watched my sister become pregnant while her #1 was about 9 months old. it was hard. she was sick in the beginning, far more exhausted than she was with #1 and had to take care of a mobile child starting around the time that she was 3 months pregnant. she seemed to be surprised by how much harder it was to be pregnant while taking care of another child. further, i've sat in her house while she takes care of 2 children and let me tell you-i leave there reconsidering NNT for #2. it is chaos. she is TIRED. she told me yesterday if she isn't holding one baby she is holding the other. her #1 has begun to say "baby cry. mommy cry." because she often reaches breaking points frequently where she is so overwhelmed. her husband works until late in to the evening most of the time. is she doing it? absolutely. would she change it? i doubt it. but is it as easy as it seems? hellll no.
The thing is even if we got pregnant while he isn't deploying I will largely be parenting on my own. DH is gone 12+ hours a day and its nothing for the Army to up and send him away for weeks at a time. At least this way I actually would have the option of moving to be near family.

CCH - Thanks for responding I hope I don't sound snarky. Your response is exactly why I asked on here. Thank you!

sb2006 · May 2013

wiggyslilsis:
My suggestion for you is don't get pregnant again until you know you are ready. You will be much more relaxed about it if you are ready and prepared for what you are getting into. Try not to let the external stuff (the deployment, infertility, etc) pressure you. It can help you decide based on the circumstances but don't let those things be the reason. Get pregnant and have another baby because you want to!
Of course, even if you aren't completely ready and you do get pregnant you will still be ecstatic and you will figure it out (it just depends on if you want to have to figure it out!)
Good luck with your decision
Thanks! Some days I still think heck no and then others I think of course I am ready... and then I flip flop again! Which I suppose probably means we are not ready.

carcrashheart · May 2013

sb2006:
carcrashheart:
i have conflicting thoughts:
1) you're assuming that you would get pregnant before he is deployed. in my eyes, that could potentially be a huge assumption. but everyone's journey is different, so maybe you would get pregnant before he was deployed. we've been NNT since AF returned in december and there's been no pregnancy so i truly feel that we will have to seek out help again. the annoying addage that once you've been pregnant your body will want to do it again is BS in my life, but may not be for yours. those are things to think about.
I'm not even close to assuming- the infertile in me still screams as if! I only try and look at it and know that it is technically possible. Honestly I'm still breastfeeding every 3 hours and my periods haven't come back regularly. In fact they have come back in the same way they were while we were trying to get pregnant. Making me fear that we will once again have to seek treatment.
2) i watched my sister become pregnant while her #1 was about 9 months old. it was hard. she was sick in the beginning, far more exhausted than she was with #1 and had to take care of a mobile child starting around the time that she was 3 months pregnant. she seemed to be surprised by how much harder it was to be pregnant while taking care of another child. further, i've sat in her house while she takes care of 2 children and let me tell you-i leave there reconsidering NNT for #2. it is chaos. she is TIRED. she told me yesterday if she isn't holding one baby she is holding the other. her #1 has begun to say "baby cry. mommy cry." because she often reaches breaking points frequently where she is so overwhelmed. her husband works until late in to the evening most of the time. is she doing it? absolutely. would she change it? i doubt it. but is it as easy as it seems? hellll no.
The thing is even if we got pregnant while he isn't deploying I will largely be parenting on my own. DH is gone 12+ hours a day and its nothing for the Army to up and send him away for weeks at a time. At least this way I actually would have the option of moving to be near family.
CCH - Thanks for responding I hope I don't sound snarky. Your response is exactly why I asked on here. Thank you!

no not at all! i think no matter what it's going to be a challenge so it isn't necessarily a reason to hesitate. if it were me, we would probably go ahead and try, knowing it may or may not happen and chalk it up to fate if it did happen. would it be so scary to do it basically all alone? of course. but ultimately you do what you have to do!

pistolpackinmomma · May 2013

My husband isn't in the Army so I won't pretend to feel exactly like you do but he does travel. Every week. He leaves Sunday mornings and doesn't get home until Friday afternoons. And when he is home that's when he takes care of the things I can't do with the baby such as mow the yard and things like that. We are considering TTC#2 in July when R is 6 months old. It scares the *** out of me but at the same time I know that we want our kids to be close in age. As of now we're only talking 2 but I'd like a 3rd! Wink

I will be 25 in July as well and would really like to be done with popping kids out by 30 as well. I know it's going to be scary. There's a slight chance he might come back to a local position in November/December but it's no guarantee. His job is extremely unpredictable and we never know when his plans will change. It's union and pays well though so we deal with it. I don't have infertility to worry about but with him being gone all the time I'm starting to worry about never being able to hit a fertile window. I have started charting again for now just to see what my cycles are doing (breastfeeding didn't work for us) and as it stands now I'm not so certain that I'm even ovulating so it may be moot point for now. In your shoes I would probably stop the bc and switch to NNT and see what happens. But I've never had to deal with a husband deployed overseas and I've certainly never been pregnant with a toddler/raised two kids on my own. So I guess take my advice/thoughts/ramblings with a grain of salt.

A wwgpmd post.. (long)

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