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Desperate - I hate bedtime
We're having the worst time with my son (22 months) when it comes to bedtime - it takes on average 90 mins for him to fall asleep. He just will not settle, and I can't take it much longer. On a good night, it only takes an hour. Last night, 2 hrs and he finally koncked out at 11 PM.
It isn't like he just lays there with his eyes open. He thrashes / won't lay still, SCREAMS at the top of his lungs when we try to keep him from climbing onto the bedframe or walls, rolls over me, pulls pillows on top of his face, giggles, etc.
It was never this bad with our daughter even in her worst stages. I'm about **this** close to dosing him constantly with Melatonin, growth issues be damned! I can't take much more. 
What the hell is going on at this stage?! And why must boys be so rough and more physical in all matters?!
Re: Desperate - I hate bedtime
EJ fights sleep, she doesn't get sleepy she just moves faster. She has never fallen asleep on the couch, or in her highchair, or while playing.
For her we do a longish bedtime routine. Bath, lotion, jammies, a tv show usually in a darkened room while we cuddle. then we read and after that I let her look at stories for a while longer until she feels sleepy. We probably started the stories closer to 3 yo though. Now I limit her looking at books until 8:30 when I go in and turn out her bedside lamp and pat her back for a minute or two. (while she listens to her lullaby CD). the whole thing can take from 6:45-8:30. Now that warmer weather is here we will let her play outside longer and cut out her TV time. But she is also older now and it is less of a battle.
I would also try to talk to him about it during the day... I always have an easier time reasoning with EJ, or explaining what we expect during the day. Also, a good behavior reward chart may motivate him. We would start out with 5 books we would read to EJ and anytime she was naughty at bedtime we would take one away so she had fewer we would read to her. That was a more temporary solution to a particular bad phase. but it got us through.
Good luck!
Both of my kids need some alone/downtime before bed. For Nolan that means that we give him some books in his crib. He looks at them for awhile, by himself and when he's done he throws them over the side. At nap time he'll just lay down and go to sleep, but at night time he calls for us and one of us will go back up and rock him for a bit and then put him in bed just before he falls asleep.
At that age with Brinley we were in the middle of moving and transitioning, and I honestly can't remember what we did for bedtime, but when she was a few months older we had to move her to a big bed because she was a climber.
We'd put her to bed with some toys in her bed and a gate across her door. When she felt tired she'd call for us and we'd go up and finish the routine. We had some nights like you're describing and we just decided to not fight it, because it stressed us out and seemed to ramp her up.
She's like Amanda describes EJ, when she's tired she just doesn't fall asleep, she gets hyper.
Have you tried changing his bed time or nap time? Or trying anything different with your bedtime routine?
Garrett went through something similar, although I don't think as difficult as what you are experiencing. These are some things that we've tried. Sometimes they helped, sometimes not so much.
Give him a 'special' toy/book to take in the crib with him.
Fan/White Noise Machine
Light/Music thing on the side of his crib.
Later bedtime/longer bedtime routine.
Give him a sippy of water.
Reading to him in our bed, letting him fall asleep, then moving him back to the crib.
Sit in rocker/lay on floor and 'sleep' while he was in crib or played in his room.
Remain calm, cool, and relaxed as much as you can - if he saw us stressed/frustrated, it only agitated things.
I was going to suggest maybe letting him cozy up with you in your bed to fall asleep, then transferring him. In addition to using a routine (which I'm sure you do), my kids did well with the white noise machines and Lanna liked having a security object and nightlight. She also likes music, so I'll set the sleep timer on her clock radio. It seems to make her feel less alone.
Also, for both of them, once they got bigger they didn't rock to sleep as well. I still rock Wes, but sometimes he just can't get comfortable in my lap and he has to go in the crib. He doesn't cry for more than a minute or so though... the prolonged crying would bother me too. Wes is also sleeping a lot better now that he can use a full sized pillow (although he stole mine, so it's a tradeoff)!
You're right, and one of us still lays with each kid until they fall asleep too. I'm hoping it's just the bed, cause we have a nice bedtime routine with cuddling, stories, and already use a white noise machine all night. The kid just wants to go, go, go. It sucks all the joy out of mommy / baby boy time.
If I give him melatonin, the kid falls asleep within 15 mins. I wonder if the boy has none of his own in his system.... sheez!
G is approaching 15 months and we're experiencing the same thing. Other than a few hiccups he's pretty much slept really well since he was about 10 weeks old. After we cut out the before-bed bottle, he used to fall right asleep in his crib. Now when I put him down he lays there for a minute and psychs me out - then the minute I close his bedroom door he pops up and starts screaming. This has been going on for 3 weeks, and I'm also at my wits end.
I've changed up his bedroom routine a bit and it's cut down the time it takes us to get him settled, although it's still pretty lengthy
Pre-bath playing in his room while I get bath stuff ready.
Bath
Post-bath playing in his room and dry off.
Lotion
Jammies (I turn a low light and his sound machine on)
He sits on my lap and we read a book while he drinks a small cup of warm milk.
Humming, Cuddling, Kissing, Rocking.
Crib
It takes forever, but it seems to be working.
Good luck to you!
Is he still napping during the day? Maybe you need to cut out the naps so he's tired earlier in the evening. Is he getting activity in in the evening so that it's wearing him out some? How early is he getting up in the morning? Once he's actually asleep, does he stay asleep?
Of course, my kid also goes to bed late (and doesn't take a nap), so maybe I'm not the best one to give advice.
I've never heard of growth issues with regards to melatonin. Where did you hear that? The doctors I work with recommend it a lot for kids that are having sleep issues.
You might want to consider looking into a sleep study. There could be a medical reason for the sleep issues. Has your pediatrician been of any help?
Maybe you want to look into this: http://kidspluspgh.com/content.aspx?id=80&p=20. Dr. Wolynn is fabulous.
This is also the sleep handout that our practice provides: http://kidspluspgh.com/upload/Kids+SleepHandout.pdf
Neither of my kids just fall asleep when they get tired. They get wild and hyper. It takes my oldest at least an hour to fall asleep. She is 4 now (but has had this issue for about 2 years). We talked to the pedi about it at her 4 year check up. She said to try not to watch tv in the 1/2 hour before bedtime because it can be too stimulating. So we've rearranged out bedtime routine a bit.
We also do belly breathing with her while playing relaxing music. It doesn't really make her fall asleep any sooner but it does seem to calm her down.
He is still napping 1 nap during the day usually from 1-2:30. For naps, he goes right now. Now yesterday was a hiccup as he didn't nap for my MIL until 4, and I woke him at 5. I KNEW bedtime would thus be late, but sheez! But even on days when he naps and wakes up at 2:30, he sitll takes on average 90 mins to fall asleep. I'm almost wishing naptime would go away so he'd at least be tired!
I'm scared reading about these kids who act up hyped up when tired - I've never heard of that amd OMG, that would suck (no offense - how do you cope!?) I do intend to talk to his pediatrician but wasn't able to call today to office hours this AM. And I'll look into the sleep study and handouts - thanks!
I was reading articles online about how dangerous melatonin could be, esp if given night after night after night. That it affects their pituitary gland and can can alter their hormones at a young age. It was enough to scare me out of using it at all.
" I'm scared reading about these kids who act up hyped up when tired - I've never heard of that amd OMG, that would suck (no offense - how do you cope!?) "
This is only terrible for us when we're out somewhere, because the hyper-ness also leads to her not behaving or listening. At home we simply say that we will not lay down/read a book/etc. with her until she settles down and we leave the room.
We also don't lay with her until she falls asleep. We just lay for a few minutes as we cuddle and talk about the day. Then we leave and she goes to sleep.
Well when it is really ugly I have to either hold her still in my arms and try to keep her from moving so her body will just relax. Or leave her in her room to cry for a period of time before she is capable of settling down. Now that she is older, she will just tell me she doesn't feel sleepy/can't relax and I will rub her arms and legs and back and help her get into that sleepy state and relax her muscles.
But she had zero issue staying up for New Years Eve which was about 4 hours after her bedtime.
Trust me, I understand sleep issues. I don't think we got any relief at all until after age 2 - and now it's just a different set of problems.
G is one of these kids, too and always has been. Like Amanda said of EJ, Gabe has never fallen asleep on the floor, in the highchair, playing, etc. He seems to get really amped up when he's tired, which is pretty frustrating for all of us.
I've taken to sitting him on my lap and doing silly things with him to try to divert his attention. I'll make huge rocking movements and crazy faces and slowly bring it down notch by notch until he's calmed down.
YEP!
I seriously think that if we didn't "put him to bed" he would never sleep, lol.
My son wouldn't go to sleep on his own when we switched to a toddler bed - he insisted that we lay on the floor near his bed, or in the hallway outside of his room, etc etc. he slept really lightly and would wake up as soon as we tried to move. Finally, after months of not sleeping and plenty of evening breakdowns (and I'm talking about me breaking down here!), we completely 110% baby proofed his room and put a childproof knob on his door. It was a completely safe room for him to be in. We watching him on the video monitor and he freaked out and cried for a few nights, but now he is fine and goes to sleep on his own.
I think that at that age, if you give kids an inch, they're taking a mile, and you need to assert that you are in charge and that they need to sleep at bedtime.
We have always had a very structured bedtime routine which I think really helps.
Obviously I don't know your son, but it sounds like he just doesn't want to go to sleep, and because you feed into that and let him dictate the terms, he is taking advantage of it.
It is amazing how fast a kid can go from riled up to passed out - it amazes me every night because my son is hyper and then goes to bed. It wasn't an easy process, but like I said, we had to assert that we were in charge and that's how it was.
I am normally a lurker but we had a rough toddler bed transition recently so I figure I'd throw my two cents in there.
11-15-08
12-1-10
I didn't respond because lately I hate bedtime, too. T falls asleep better on the weekend when he hasn't napped, but he still naps at school. I don't stay in his room until he falls asleep, but DH does, which complicates our solution. He also uses potty trips to prolong the process.
signed,
one worn out mama
sleep was always adams worst deal.
We always had trouble with widing down no matter what. he WOULDNT sleep int he crib at 15 mo went to a toddler bed. then he wanted toget up and do stuff. we had to stay with him to get him to stay in bed. I would lay on the floor and just not talk to him and remind him he was supposed to be quite. no talking. etc. but never actually reply to questions or anyting. Naps were gone at 18 months and bed was still bad.
I would ultimatly fall asleep on the floor and wake up uncomfortable and angry!
I started giving him a time of how long I was going to stay- he had no concept and it wasn't even actual. id day 5 min and itd be 10, but it gave me something to work with. Slowly i would start backing it down... and leave sooner.
At one point when he was 2 1/2 or 3 he was being worst sorta and even thought I had it at the point where I would leave he would be talking asking for me, water, saying he had bad dreams ( he hadnt even fallen asleep) and one day I realized that rather than fight with him for 30 min I would just shift bed time 30 min later. so we had down time and everyone was happy. and he would go down easier. Id rather spend an extra 30 min. at peace then yelling screaming and fighting. I wasn't getting anything else done anyway!!
at almost 5 and for the last year maybe, I can kiss and tuck him in at 9 and walk out. he rearly asks for anything he may fuss or whine a little but he's in bed and stays. If DH is here however ( which he is usually not at bed time) he still asks him to "stay half a min" and Dh the push over does it.
But now with school and things and activities there are nights he is asking to go to bed by 9. But I would say it has taken us a good 4 yrs to get to a solid easy painless bedtime. =/ Sorry.
I just keep telling my self this baby will be a sleeper....
Married, September 23, 2006