Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I just don't know
Me and my girl/fianc? have a great relationship. But she constantly lets her insecurities get her down. She can get all dressed up, look good and let a single thought ruin the whole evening to the point where she doesn't even want to hang out anymore or she gets distant. I don't know what to do to help her see that yeah, she's gained a little weight but she's still, so sexy and attractive to me and everyone around her. She gets compliments from men and woman but she just cant get over that she's not the size 8 that she used to be (she's a size 12 now) and stop letting her thinking ruin our nights out. Also, Even though things are great/perfect between us she always says that things won't always be this way.....she's expecting things to go down hill from here simply because we've been together for two years and things going down hill is "normal" for a relationship. What can I do to help her.......
Re: I just don't know
If you don't feel good about yourself, going out can be pure torture. She has to go out and put this body (that she's not thrilled with) out on display.
Tread lightly. It's hard to avoid saying the wrong thing in situations like this.
Does she have any close girlfriends? They might be able to talk more candidly with her about this.
As for the "things always go downhill" bit, I wonder if she's ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, there's a first time for everything. Of course past relationships have gone downhill- otherwise she'd still be in them. Every single relationship I've ever had eventually ended... until the relationship with my H.
Don't qualify statements about how beautiful she is. "she's still, so sexy and attractive to me" In her mind, that probably just negates anything nice you just said.
Sounds like she's lucky to have a supportive guy like you.
I can name quite a few: Gwen Stefani, Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman, Barbra Streisand, Queen Latifah, Cynthia Nixon and Camryn Manheim.
Same goes for men -- and we all know that some of the guys on the following list are little shrimps and are not the best of body -- but these guys seem to have it all going on: Mick Jagger, Bruno Mars, Prince, to name a few.
I personally think Rich Somner is hot as hell -- if you have never heard of him, google him; he's one of the cast members of Mad Men. On the show, he's geeky, nerdy and wears geeky nerdy glasses and he's one of the characters that's supposed to be a bit pudgy -- yet I still say he's might hot and attractive.
If you want to play Devils advocate as far as your gf goes: if she isn't thrilled about her body, she can get herself in gear to do something to help herself, whether it's beefing up and putting on a few pounds (and finding a good bodybuilding program at the gym) or whether it's cutting back on junk and other empty calories and losing a few pounds. If she's being self pious about it and a bit of a martyr, I'm sure you don't relish hearing the same thing over and over again.
You can have the word's best body and be the most beautiful/most handsome person in the world -- if you don't have self esteem and self confidence, it ain't gonna amount to a hill of beans.
This is all about self esteem and self confidence -- There are more than a few people I know personally -- women and men -- who have a sh!tload of self esteem and self confidence -- they are not the best looking and they don't have the greatest bodies --- they are all sizes and shapes and weigh from 50 pound soaking wet to very very large. These people don't lack dates and they don't lack company of the opposite sex. You don't have to have the best body or be head turning beautiful: "who you are" with self confidence and self esteem is what it is all about.
One of the guys on that list is a gent with a severe jaw deformity that's congenital --- he also is very short -- but every time you see him, he's got a girlfriend that was more beautiful than the last one he was with. (what doesn't hurt is that he is one of the nicest guys you could meet. Fantastic person)
One of the ladies I know has a cleft palate. Her boyfriend doesn't seem to notice it.
And I'm sure you have seen it too: a guy who is meh and bleh in the body department --- but he has a girlfreind, or many -- and you probably have said to yourself, "What the heck do they see in him?" Self confidence and self esteem: willing to bet he's got a ton of it.