Relationships
RenoisPrettierThanYou
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Are secrets really secrets??
After reading the betrayed post below, I've been wondering if secrets are ever really secrets. Part of me assumes that whenever I tell someone something, sans my husband, that the person is probably going to tell someone -- spouse, friend, mother. I don't know if it's that I have so little trust in folks or if I'm really just being prepared for the obvious. Do you have secrets told to you by others that you don't tell your SO or someone else close to you?
Re: Are secrets really secrets??
I do tend to assume that they are going to tell at least their spouse. I do expect that they not tell the world, or not tell a specific person if that is the point of the secret. (Like, "Man don't tell X but I think that was a really crappy thing she did". I would expect they won't run and tell X.)
I'm happy to say that I don't have too many scandalous secrets that are told to me, so I haven't really had to deal with it much. If something upset me like in that post, I would probably talk it out with DH. I don't think it is fair for someone to really burden someone with a secret that they know that person will find upsetting and expect that that person not be able to talk to anyone. If I had a longtime good friend sleeping with a guy who was engaged, it would upset me and really make me question whether I wanted to be that person's friend anymore. I would want to talk that out with DH.
Based on a friend that told my secret to everyone I would say no. I do expect people to tell their spouses, and that is OK with me but the entire world- not OK.
Even if it is not a secret, I've had people take issue with me insinuating something (not even saying anything and nothing bad), and another person reported back to that person. So I've gotten in trouble for insinuating something behind another person's back and the person I was talking to ran and told them. it was a roommate situation and a very very minor issue IMO, but other people thought it was a friendship ending thing.
Lesson learned, never say anything that you don't want the world to know about unless to a spouse because I only trust my spouse- sad I guess but I have been burned too many times.
I have kept some secrets from everyone...just one or two, because, like you, I assume there is always a risk if I tell someone else.
I think most people consider the spouse fine, and when I was married I did tell my H secrets friends told me, but generally they said something along the lines of "I know you'll tell your H but please don't tell anyone else" so I never specifically violated a secret that I was clearly told to keep from even my H.