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Unemployed and feeling it less of me
(I am new to this, so I am intrested to see how it goes.)
I lost my job over a year and half ago. I was receiving unemployment for as long as I could. I lost my job months after our wedding, but we were able to live while I went to school and finish a degree. I could not be happier that my husband supported me through all of it. I went to school and did EVERYTHING around the house, he truly did not have to lift a finger.
Now I am still not working and he is. I was raised by a "man eater", almost "gold digger" you could say. My mother told me you can not survive without a man, I knew at a young age I did not want to be anything like her. I am a lil or more a lot, "woman here me roar" type person. I really have tried to be the opposite of everything she is. I hate having to depend on him, I still do everything in the house plus some, but I just feel horrible. I feel a lot has to do that I have spent most of my life not to be like my mother and I feel like I am. My husband is a very outspoken person, I know if he wanted me to go back to work he'd say something.I don't have kids so I feel like just being at home I am not pulling my own weight, like I should do more. I think its taking a toll on me psychologically and I am doing it to myself.Then theres the money situation. Just making some would be nice and a big help. I have one more semester of school, but even then I do not know what will be out there.
I was just hoping to speak to other wives maybe had/ have gone trough something similar.
Re: Unemployed and feeling it less of me
I've been there, and even though I recently got a part time gig in retail - I still feel bad. It's minimum wage, the hours are already decreasing due to newer employees coming on board.
My story, I lost my job the very day my then fiance (now husband) deployed to Afghanistan. (I'm a registered medical assistant and Navy vet).
My mother put the men in her life before her children and made it clear that the man with the BMW, vacations, money, status was the way to live - I don't think so. I want to provide for my husband and given the current state he is in (he was injured within two months into that last deployment, he cannot work and has been medically retired) I feel very strongly that I must take over but I keep getting passed up as far as job offers or even interviews for that matter.
I went back to college this Spring but money is tight, so I stopped to go to work. The amount coming in doesn't do much but pay for gas for our weekly trips to the VA.
My husband has always supported me and I want to support him as well as us as he did when he could. I wont be a house wife. I'll do the work, but I want to be an equal contributor if not the main support line...
Depressed and frustrated in GA.
OP - It seems that you have enough self-awareness to recognize the possibility for flaws in yourself and your behaviors, which your mother may have been without (in this particular case regarding men).
Also, since marriage is a partnership, sometimes one person does the heavy lifting in one life area while the other does the heavy lifting in a separate (but equal) way. Sometimes who lifts what, flip-flops, or maybe it doesn't.
The point is: unpaid work isn't any less important than work that brings home a paycheck. The fact that your conscious is pricked over this, means that you are miles away from being like your mother.
And, there are plenty, plenty of "roaring" strong women who do not earn monetary paychecks.
If you feel the desire to be in the workforce outside the home, and it seems like you do once your degree is complete, what field are you hoping to break into?
If earning an income, even a small one, is important, what PT jobs have you looked into? Retail? Restaurants? On campus? Customer service?
I know how you feel. And it must be very hard. But this is just a little part in the whole that will be your life. It seems endless but be sure that you will eventually get a job and you will feel more like the person you want to be, the person you are but you just don't feel it yet.
My parents have been married for 40 years. I can tell you both of them are very hard workers. But when they where newlyweds my mom didn't have a job nor a career. It wasn't until 12 years into the marriage that she was able to go to school and get a degree. Then my mom got a job, and was able to feel good about herself and help with the money situation in the house. A few years ago my dad got sick and his business went under. My mom was able to support the entire family and she still does while my dad gets his business up again.
So I can tell you you never know what will happen in your life. So don't worry about that and have fun while you are not tied to and office like me!!!
Please Please ladies wake up and see that there are great opportunities out there!
I actually love being a stay at home mom/wife! However, I still make lots of money and learned how to save it as well on everyday purchases. I would like to show you something Mrs. Barker that changed my life and thousands of other women like us. I have gotten out of debt and gained financial independence. I started sharing about it on my blog. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT! ^_^
Take some time and look through my entries. ESPECIALLY the first one all the way at the bottom. I hope it will change your life as well. Stay blessed!
http://entrepreneurialmother100.blogspot.com/