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Vent/Advice
So H and I finally have joined accounts back in mid-April after being married for 1 year. We've lived together for 6 yrs prior so we wanted to stop splitting the bills. So we are hoping to buy a house maybe next year or 2015 but I don't want to wait too long before the rates start climbing again, so I am in serious saving mode and trying to cut back. And of course....this is causing problems/disagreements. We openly talk about money and he has said that once we've joined I can take over the bank accounts because I am better at it (even though I think we are equally as good). But I haven't fully taken over, we usually just share doing the job but I do most of the budgeting. We have no CC debt, H has a $19,000 car loan that I have started to bug him about paying extra (don't ask...I've already posted on this) and everytime I bring it up he gets mad, it's $490 a month!! Then today he tells me that he is going to stop and get a car wash and I said to do it at home as we have a faucet at our condo, but he didn't wanna sweat in the heat to do it. He's on the road a lot for work so I've gotten him to cut back on the fast food and coffee's as we have that stuff at home for him to take. I've give us both weekly allowances to cover any necessities/fun but he get's fiesty when I suggest smarter/cheaper ways if doing things. I hate to sound like a mom as he's pretty responsible but he's just not getting that these things add up. And he's the one who keeps saying "I want a house now". I would like to pay more down on the car as an extra $500 a month would be a nice chunk towards a house payment. We are also underwater on our mortgage (just re-fi'd in Feb) so I'd like to pay more principal. We have $14.000 saved for a house as well as $10,500 in savings so I'd like to keep contributing to those as well, but it just seems so overwhelming in the timeline that we have set. I also just downgraded my cell to save $30/month, and I've asked him if we could cut down on phone.internet.cable which is $165 right now and jumping to the final $180 for Comcast triple play (i cringe paying that bill), I've been to consignment to sell stuff, but he's just not willing to give up the luxuries without a fight....I'm at a loss....I knew a joint account may cause some issues at some point, but overall it works better. Any advice to not make me sound like a controlling mom? Am I in the wrong? Sorry for the bad spelling. TIA!
Does it seem like the money we have is a good base if we don't save anymore? We want to buy a house well under $250,000
Re: Vent/Advice
A few things...
1. What's the car loan rate? And, how many months do you have left on it? If the rate is high, you may be able to refinance it for a lower rate and payment. The catch here is to not add back any months to the loan. For example, if he did a 60 month loan term and has paid 12 months of that, don't refi unless you can do a term for 48 or less months.
2. Determine your top two monetary battles with him. Car? Car washes? Eating out? Cable/TV/Internet? If you "nag" at every turn, he will get annoyed and fight you. Let him do some living.
3. So, do you own a house or not? You said he wants to buy one and you want to save for one, but you are underwater on your mortgage? Which is it?
I don't remember your post before, so I"m sorry about that.
One thing, have you sat down together to do a budget? There really is only so much money to go around- if you sit down together and go through what the musts are - food, rent(mortgage???? confused on that one), utilities, gas and then what the wants are and how much money you have for the wants. List everything you and he would want to spend money on, and then prioritize. Once you run out of money, you either need to re-adjust or leave it as is.
For instance- if he really wants a house (new house?) soon, maybe doing a budget with him will help him realize that what he says is not in line with his behavior. You can't have everything- that is childish behavior- adults have to realize that there is only so much you can do, and that you have to ultimately live with in your means.
Also, does he realize some of the sacrifices you have made to try and make progress on your debt/ increase your savings? He may think things are great because he can continue spending a lot, and you somehow magically make the money stretch to pay extra- not realizing you are selling stuff in order to do so.
I don't really know what other advise to give you. I really hope you work it out! Would there be a marriage counselor or something you could go to and discuss this issue?
The car loan rate is 2.9 or so and it's up in jan of 2017. He bought the car in jan of 2011 I believe. So I think that is the best we can do on that.
I guess the biggest thing is the food which has been a lot better as he gets a bi- weekly food allowance, but this car wash thing set me off for some reason. I'm just flustered that I'm the one doing all the sacraficing.
we currently own a condo that we've lived in the 5 years. We just refinanced from 6.3 down to 3.5 and dropped payments almost 300 bucks. We bought it for 158000 and owe 146800 and our realtor said it would be set to sell at about 125000 in this market but there is no way I'm taking a loss.
Im hoping to save more before the market goes up and we are back to 6% mortgage rates again, but that the same time I'd like to get a bigger down payment, savings and get that car paid off. I just feel like its a race against time and we are loosing.....there is no real urgent reason that we need to move right now or anytime soon.
This sounds a lot like me and my husband. Even the arguement about paying for a carwash.
What helped for us was having both of us sit down and add up how much he spent on extras and how much I spent on extras. He didn't realize how much his dollar menu meals were costing in a month. Till we sat down and added them all up for 1 month.
Take your bank account/credit card statement from the month of April, and add up everything spent on coffee, fast food, extras, groceries, etc.
Then we sat down and wrote out our 1month, 6 month, 1, 3, and 5 year financial goals. This helped both of us to see why we were sacrificing these items in order to achieve other things.
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If there is no way you're taking a loss on your condo, I'm sorry to say you have a long way to go. It sounds like you are about $20K underwater, plus any realtor fees you'd have to pay to sell, then the down payment for the new place, etc. I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to make sure you understand where you are.
I agree with pps that you need to talk to your H and lay things out in writing so he can see what it's going to take. To make up the kind of money you are talking about is going to take a lot of sacrifices. I'd look into a second job too. That is how I saved money for my first place.
I second basically everything the PPs have said. I just have one more comment to make. If the only reason you want to sell the condo is because you are afraid mortgage rates will go up, I think you should chill for a little bit.
If the condo is nice, serves your needs, and is a reasonable payment, then why move now?
If I were you, I would work on the other goals you mentioned. Increase your savings, pay off the truck, and when you're ready look for a house. We can't predict when rates will rise, so why not just work on everything else and reasses when you're ready?
As a person who tends to worry, I know this is easier said then done. Good luck! I think you're on the right track.
I wouldn't worry about paying off the car loan. First off, I have a $454/month car loan. It's not bad in the grand scheme of things depending on your income. Also, once you buy the house, it's a long term commitment. At some time during the course of your loan, you may have to buy another car. It's nice to know that you will be able to handle a mortgage and a car payment at the same time.
You're not wrong, you just have different view points on how to get to the same place. You both want a home. You both want to save for it. However, you're willing to cut your expenses/extras to the bone to hit your savings target. He isn't. He still wants to enjoy life while he works toward the goal.
I just combined our accounts and got H on a budget as well. He is having a really hard time with it! He whines about not making enough, and I keep telling him, it's not that at all, it's that we spend too much. But he's not willing to get rid of some things that would allow us to save more, and it's not a hill I'm willing to die on right now. It's so frustrating! I feel you.
What has helped me though, is I told him- this is our fun money amount. Then I keep track. We each have a check card to our bank account, and only one credit card account (we each have a card.) I check those regularly and keep track of our fun money, and give him updates, like - Hey, you only have $50 left. If he goes over, it comes out of next months. It's worked so far. My H wants to buy a house sooner too and I just keep thinking, oh that's nice, but with what money? If we aren't equally in this together we'll still save, but not as fast as we could...
ahh good ideas! That does sounds just like us!
ahh good ideas! That does sounds just like us!
What if you have a husband that doesn't like to "sit down"? Why do men get soooo frustrated at the thought or act of sitting down with their "life partner" and making sense of their future??? I don't get it...LOL.