Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sister in law insulted by my comment.
My sister in law is a wonderful person. Very loving and sweet and she has always been super nice to me. Her and her Husband live upstairs from us. So we see each other a lot.We talk, we gossip over fashion magazines, we confide in one another. She has no children but she is a stay at home wife. Reason being..she has had surgery on her back a few years back, which doesn't allow her to work. She is in pain more than she should be most of the time. Her Husband works. H is also a wonderful person. So we were all at a family Memorial Day lunch..My Husband's parents were there..my Sister in law and her Husband. So I am in the process of looking for work. So we were all talking about work, and I mentioned that I wanted to volunteer at our local hospital until I found a job. And I said " I cant stay home all day". Her parents just got up and left the table which I didnt understand, so did her Husband....and then she and I continue to talk but I could tell she was upset. As soon as I said that I regretted it. It was in NO way directed to her or said to hurt her. I did say to her I'm sorry if I upset you ..that was not my intention at all. She said no worries and it seems like everything went back to normal. My thing is ,yes I blurted out a comment and it hurt someone. I would never in a million years say something to hurt someone like that. I just cant believe the cold shoulder I got from the rest of the family ..who has always been so wonderful to me. I made a mistake. But are they going to judge me in the future?
Re: Sister in law insulted by my comment.
Boy, this is a bit whackadoo.
YOu made a statement that in no way was directed toward your SIL -- and these people went nuts.
Here is what you do:
Give your SIL a week to cool off -- and then talk to her in person. And tell her that in no way you said what you said to hurt her or upset her; you were making a general statement.
This. You didn't say something insulting like "people who stay home all day are lazy." Really it could have been much worse.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Yep. This. They're more than a little over-sensitive.
They overreacted big time. You said that YOU couldn't stay home. You didn't say anything general about people who don't work outside of the home. Some people would relish a few months off of quiet time in between jobs, but others are like you and might go stir-crazy and need something to occupy them. Different strokes for different folks. They have a complex and took your comment the wrong way which is a bit ridiculous on their part.
ETA: Perhaps she/her family receive criticism from other people, or hear judgy comments about her not working so perhaps that has given them a complex. Still not a valid excuse for their reaction, but it is a possible explanation. I would give it a week or two, and if you still sense resentment I would try to clear the air by explaining that your comment was only an observation regarding yourself and how you have been dealing with looking for work.
Holy over sensitive, Batman!
So because your SIL can't work (for very valid reasons), no one is allowed to talk about not working?
It's family and I get that you don't want to make them more upset. But..... as others have said, THEIR reaction is over the top. You weren't talking about her/ judging people who don't work. You were simply making a statement about yourself.
Oy. Good luck w/ this...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
That's crazy. So what if you are not the type of person who could stay home all day? You gain energy from meeting people and doing things. You enjoy having a reason to get dressed and get out of the house. You enjoy making money. Big whoop. Women have worked for the last century to make what your saying NOT taboo anymore.
You don't have a disability like she does. You want to work and I am guessing you both have different personalities where you just enjoy being out more than she does. If she is mature at all she should come to this rational conclusion. It makes no sense that everyone would get upset with you over this. The more you make it into a big deal by apologizing, etc. the more it makes it seem like it was directed straight at her rather than a comment about your own personal goals.
This is like a situation I got myself into talking to DH's family about why we don't have babies yet. We can't afford for one of us to stay home and I don't want to put an infant in daycare. We are also unwilling to take alternating work shifts where we don't see each other. We are in our early 20s... we have time to wait and save more money first. Problem is SIL 1 is a waitress and she and her husband alternated shifts... SIL 2 put her infant in day care. MIL used family a lot (30 years ago...we don't have that support system now) and Grandma stayed at home because she had no training to do anything else and this was 50+ years ago. So I offended about everyone at the table unintentionally but I'm not sorry for the same reasons you shouldn't be. Your personal goals are not the same as everyone elses and it's not your fault if they aren't mature enough to realize that you wanting something is not a slap in the face to everyone who doesn't want the same thing.
Just move on. I bet your MIL will talk to your DH about it and he can clear a few things up. It will be perfectly fine.
There's a big difference in choosing to stay home and having to stay home. Your SIL is limited due to her injury and has to stay home. An injury is not only a very valid issue, but also has nothing to do with her desire. Perhaps pointing out that you know that if she had the mobility to do more outside of the home, that you know she would. Your comment was in the spirit of your own preference, and given that you do have the ability to get out more, this is something you can pursue. Normally I might suggest taking her aside to clear the air but it sounds like her family might also benefit from hearing this. Yes, they did overact, but I suspect there might be some other reasons that they have such a sensitivity to the topic.
May 2014 November Siggy Challenge
The Griswold’s Christmas Vacation