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Sticky gift situation- advice needed
I have a good friend, who also happens to work with me. Her birthday was last week, and I tried to coordinate with her husband to get people together for dinner or something, but basically he stopped responding, and I didn't want to step on his toes, so I just took her out myself for pedicures and breakfast one morning.
Friend is also pregnant with baby #2. Her son was born in 2010, and her daughter is due September 2013.
At work last week, all of us ladies got together and took her to dinner, plus threw her a little baby shower that we all chipped in for.
Other friends of ours randomly asked me the other day about whether we should get together to celebrate friend's bday belatedly. So, I coordinated, friend chose a restaurant and date, and we are going out this coming weekend for what will be my third celebration of this friend in two weeks.
A mutual friend emailed us all to say we should make this weekend's lunch also a surprise baby shower for friend, and everyone seems on board. I politely said nice idea, and emphasized how I already got baby shower gifts and whatnot for this friend. Apparently my message should have been clearer, because this mutual friend went and bought tons of stuff "from all of us"- crib bedding, toys, outfits, sleepers, etc.- and emailed to say we can all come sign the card whenever. Hasn't asked for $ yet but I'm sure that's coming.
Then, I just got another email from friend's SIL (who is also in our group of friends) saying the mothers are looking to throw a huge shower in August sometime for friend, so be ready for that.
I love my friend, and obviously none of this is her "fault"- she has no idea- but I'm maxed out on the celebrating and gift giving for her.
I have two questions. First, what to do about the fact that this one friend bought stuff and will probably expect $, even thought i never agreed to this. Second, is it just me that finds it incredibly tacky and weird that people are so eager to throw this girl showers, when her first son isn't even 3? Or am I just a grinch? DH says he finds it most annoying because I work at the same place, and have this same group of friends, and no one threw me a second shower when I had DS. Actually, none of them threw me a first one with DD. Not gonna lie, that annoys me too, but honestly isn't my major issue with all this.
Re: Sticky gift situation- advice needed
this ^^^^^, and I would be hurt too, but like you not make it the biggest thing.
Yeah, I'd just say "Thanks, but I already got her a shower gift separately."
And I agree, that's a lot of showering for a second child.
I agree with pp's. this happened to a girl I worked with but not to this extent. She totally understood that I didn't buy her a bunch of gifts for each shower! She was actually annoyed that there were so many events including the same people because she felt bad that they felt like they had to buy more gifts. Like you said not her fault but still annoying.
I'd be annoyed they didn't shower you too!
I think that if family wants to do a "sprinkle" for an second child that's ok but a huge shower is just gift grabby IMO. I wouldn't be ok with it if it was me but that's just my opinion and others may feel differently I guess.
Thanks ladies. I think I am going to have to just directly email or call the girl trying to organize this to be so huge. On top of it all, she now wants us to all chip in to get a custom cake made. I brought up that we will all be so stuffed from the food at the restaurant- we're going to Melting Pot- that we won't even want cake and it would be a waste, and she just said we'll do it anyway and the honoree can take it all home if needbe.
LOL
I agree with PP. Just be honest with the organizer and I'd also be totally POed that I didn't get the same treatment.