Family Matters
WildFlower2350
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is this weird?
My cousin who is nearing 30, sadly, has been unemployed for quite some time, still lives at home (totally get that) but plays video games, posts on FB all day & from what i know, isn't exactly beating down doors to try and find a job. The dream is to be in the film business and i guess some opportunity to go abroad to work on a doc. film came along. Very honorable. But, now they're campaigning for friends and family to pay for the flight...I get it, humanitarian work is great but i feel like its a little ballsy to not be working, post on FB every 10 minutes they say "hey great opportunity, can you pay for my flight?". I feel like I have to contribute to save face at the next family party but it bothers me, partly bc I know my uncle busts his butt 7 days a week working... ugh.
Re: Is this weird?
Is it the ideal behavior of a mature adult? No. It is weird? Not really in today's society.
A normally developed 30 year old should NOT be comfortable living with his parents. He should not be comfortable not having any income and wasting his time online. He should certainly not be comfortable accepting money from family to reach his personal goals.
Since the 1990s our society has started supporting children to stay children until they are 30+ years old. 50 years ago an 18 year old was expected to have a job and start a family. Now 18 year olds get an additional 4 years of adolescents in college and many continue living with family during that time. I know people who didn't get their first ever job until they were 23 years old. That is insane and it hinders their mental and professional development. When the Universal Health Care Act came through everyone was ticked about so many things but no one argued that Children should not be covered through age 26. 26!?!?!? What the heck? What kind of moron is on their parent's insurance at 26 years old?! No, 18 should be the cut off and they can figure it out on their own.
I came from a poor family but I worked my tail off to graduate high school with a full ride to college. I have my bachelors, am happily married, and a home owner at 23. I have no sympathy for 30 somethings living at home and I think it is a failure by the parents. That sounds harsh, I know, but this idea that every child is special and deserves lifelong support is hindering development. You shouldn't contribute to his "chance of a lifetime" adventure unless you feel it in your heart that you genuinely want to.
He sounds like an entitled loser....I get it that in this economy it can be hard to be fully employed, and it may be necessary to live with parents, but there is no excuse for sitting around at home playing on the computer, and then expecting others to fund your trip.
If I were you, I absolutely would not give any money toward this trip! Even if it meant that you would get grief at the next family party...save it for a trip of your own!
THIS.
OP, why would you even consider giving money for this? I realize it's family, but comm'on now....you would give money to 'save face'? Sorry, but that's bs. If your family gives you grief about it, tell them that maybe he should get a job.
I'm also 23, married, and a home owner. I don't know what you majored in but many of the people who I knew in sci/math/engineering are studying all the time. If you have to work a job in those fields it takes a lot longer in years to get through the classes and labs and crazy hours. For example, my friend in physics has 4 hour labs in two classes plus homework plus programming assignments(all are core required classes)..also, you're basically expected to do research and internships. I dunno, I tend to hang out with the crazier people, because I am crazy. I also know a lot of very smart people who didn't qualify for a full ride. They show their smarts in different ways than grades, or simply weren't selected because they don't look as good on paper.
That's not counting my ex-boyfriend-still-friend who moved out of his parents house because his step dad was addicted to coke and found out that without his parent's ss he couldn't have a fafsa or qualify for most scholarships. He tried to get the social workers to approve his situation-too late, he had to be living with them at his school. Dude has been working since he was 16 and payed out of pocket for community college while living on the edge. He deserved better. Believe me, him and I looked for every loophole, but there was none.
Keep in mind that a lot of the jobs that people used to hold 50 years ago are gone. Many of today's stable jobs require specialization and those extra years of schooling.
I don't know what your health insurance is, but individual health insurance is expensive and unreliable, generally. I personally developed a fun chronic disease, and without my parent's great insurance would be completely screwed. Now I can aggressively treat it, get it under control, and continue working. Every individual insurance I know through a beginning to lower-mid level job has high deductibles and premiums. You basically can't afford to treat an illness until you have a higher-mid level job-good luck getting that while ill. I'm not the only young person I know who would have been screwed over by illness. It is great that you're healthy, but dealing with the web of medical and insurance complications has nothing to do with lack of can-do spirit.
Sorry for the essay.
This guy, though, sounds really entitled, and a bit arrested in development.
I wouldn't contribute and I really wouldn't care about saving face at the next family party.
You don't work hard at a job just to pay for a lazy persons flight.
If this person had been working at a miniumum wage job and needed help with an airline ticket, I'd glady give, but sitting on his butt playing video games and posting on FB doesn't make me all warm and fuzzy about helping out
YES, it is weird but not un-heard of. DH's cousin ask us for money to for modeling school. Sorry we do not have it. She had a full ride at an unviersity did not want to go. Sorr we can't help you, her Mom called begging DH for money for rent bills in general, she wanted $300 WTF!!! Your an adult, we have a child on the way and a 5 year we do not have $300 to give away, because we would NEVER get it back.
Re: item #1 -- All very true. Well stated.
Re: item #2 -- I would argue that, while it's certainly not unheard of for people in their late 20s to still be living with their parents, it's far from a normal, accepted pattern. "Society" doesn't exactly approve of or support this behavior. The OP's entire post and all the responses to it are evidence of the fact that "society" actually frowns upon people in their 20s who have still not managed to become independent. Furthermore, it's completely illogical to conclude that a certain way of life is better just because that's the way thing were 50 years ago. In 1963 there were plenty of things considered normal that we would never accept today, such as making black people drink from separate water fountains. 50 years ago, most people didn't get a college education because many good-paying, skilled jobs did not require one. Also, there were far fewer opportunities in the form of aid and scholarships for attending college. Today, many students get aid of some type, even if it's just a low-interest loan.
Furthermore, in the past 50 years we've learned a lot about the fact that the human brain really and truly does not mature until the late 20s. So college essentially keeps young people "off the streets" and allows their brains four additional years to mature, preventing them from making a lot of adult decisions with very permanent consequences, such as: marrying very early, having children very early, entering into careers for which they're unsuited, purchasing houses they can't afford, etc.
Re: Item #3 -- The kind of "moron" who is on his or her parents' insurance until age 26 is most likely a "moron" who is in graduate school. Another scenario might be a "moron" who gets an entry level job just after college, works for a few years, and -- after being in the working world for a while -- decides on a career change, but needs to pursue further education in the form of another degree, a higher degree, or certification courses. Such a person might quit his/her job that does offer insurance and get a job with non-traditional hours, such as bartending or waitressing, in order to continue earning money to support themselves while taking classes during the day. Many people with whom I went to college, including myself, followed this pattern. You certainly can't condemn such a person as a lazy, immature slacker. However, I and many other people I know, had a stretch in our 20s in which we went without health insurance because we had no choice.
I'm fairly certain that this is the scenario that lawmakers were addressing when they wrote the law.
BTW, adolescents and adolescence cannot be used interchangeably, even though they are pronounced the same way.
Adolescence = the state of being an adolescent person. Example: During adolescence, young people go through physical and emotional changes.
Adolescents = plural form of the word "adolescent." Example: One adolescent may feel bored unless she has some other adolescents to hang out with.
Sheesh...I think this is a breech of etiquette. Nobody should be asking for money to fund this or that for somebody.:(
I would, though, buy this person a gripload of things that are made here/bought here that cannot be found where he or she is going.:) Things like toiletries, soap powder and the like.
Toilet paper, believe it or not, is tough to get in certain countries.
**6.30.12** I have found the one whom my soul loves.
Don't pay a cent.
If asked, simply state that you and your family are working hard to acheive some of your own financial goals, but that you hope it all works out for him and look forward to hearing about it.
Not weird at all because people suck at life. Crap like this really sticks in my craw. Homeboy wouldn't get a penny from me.