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Make it Work or Not? WWYD?
So, if someone gave you a free 3 bedroom townhome at a popular beach location for 4 days, with the only stipulation being you had to use it between Labor Day and New Year's Eve of this year, and it was within driving distance of your home so you didn't need to pay airfare, wouldn't you move mountains to make the trip happen???
Argh. I just need to vent.
BFF and I have been discussing planning a trip for her family and mine. We really only see one another once per year, if that, as we live across the country from one another. Due to my DH's job, I have flight travel benefits so this means I always go to see her and I don't mind doing this, in the least.
We began discussing a trip for her DH and mine, and her two sons and my kids. We were planning in doing something in SC for the early summer of 2014. Then, I got to thinking, and I have an aunt who owns timeshares and is always asking the family if we want her perks for a few days. So, I contacted her and she was more than glad to help my BFF and me out.
She offered something for 2014, but she said that if we took certain points, which are set to expire at the end of 2013, we could get an absolutely free fully-loaded, townhome on the beach, for 4 days.
BFF wanted mid-September. The place is booked. She won't do October at all. Or, November or December. When I suggested we try another beach location 2 hours south of the original option, BFF who would be road-tripping with her DH and sons (who will be 3 and 18 months if we took this fall time trip) balked at the idea of the kids being in the car too long.
By comparison, DH and I are willing to hoof it out there IN AN AIRPLANE with three kids under 4, one being a 4 month old, to make this free trip to see them work out.
I'm just a little irritated. So, I feel like just letting her plan the thing and washing my hands of it. I feel like she is being ungrateful and too picky.
Am I off track for being irritated? Would you make it work to get a free beachside TH for four days?
Re: Make it Work or Not? WWYD?
Sounds like the problem isn't the free beachside townhouse for 4 days, it's that she can't even get her @ss in a car for 2 hours to hang out with you. Sounds like she values your friendship only when it requires absolutely zero effort on her end. That's what would make me irritated.
If I were you I'd take the trip myself in October and enjoy the hell out of it. Plan the trip, let her know about it, and then don't nag her, just let her decide.
I understand how tough it is to plan a trip by air or car with little kids. I did it mostly alone because I raised my kids alone for the most part. But, I was never doing it to coincide with meeting up with a BFF, we did it just for family trips.
You have offered your BFF a free place to stay that she can get to by car and she's declined your offer. I wouldn't stress out about it because we can't always control other people's decisions. It doesn't say anything about your friendship or what will happen in the future, unless you let it.
Good luck.
Book the trip for when it is convenient for your family. If, after all of these years, your friend cannot make it work out (barring some real issues like work, surgery or death in the family) to come to you this time, then you know where you stand with her.
Going in the timeframe you're proposing may just not be of any interest to them, or at least not enough to "do everything" to make it happen.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
For me personally, what limits my vacation with others isn't cost, its travel time. My old job required me to make all vacation requests in January of 2012 for the time frame of July 1012-June 2013. So most of the time I needed to know the year before whether I was planning any trips, and the whole "hey let's go somewhere on vacation this fall!" Was not feasible unless I had requested it many many months ago.... My current job is a little more flexible, I only need about 3 months' notice to schedule it, BUT I have to find someone to cover me... Which is the tricky part. And sometimes it's such a headache during certain times of year it's just not worth it. Plus we can't take vacations in Nov-Jan due to all the holidays and due to the heavy workload in those months, so even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Additionally. I only get 2 weeks. Also in the previous job, i didnt have the option of saying "well I already scheduled my 2 weeks paid vacation for the year, but maybe I will take an additional unpaid week so I can go to the beach with them". If I took more time off than 2 weeks it needed to be for medical leave, and if I couldn't provide documentation of that I would have been reprimanded (for lack of a better word).
i realize my job is crazy and most people don't have those stipulations... But take my sister for example. She doesn't get "benefits" at her job. If she doesn't work she doesn't get paid. She is a single mom with three kids on a limited income and unfortunately cannot even afford to really take that much time off in a row. Literally, the bills would not get paid. Even if the hotel is free, she wouldn't be able to afford the gas, the meals (way more pricy than eating at home), the lack on income etc. I planned something similar for my family a few years ago and she couldn't afford it and so we all ended up paying for her hotel. Then when we got there we ended up paying for a lot of the meals for them too. It annoyed the bejesus out of me. In my mind its like, "ok we already provided transportation (they rode with my parents who paid for gas) and lodging, you seriously can't even afford to feed them!" But looking back now I have more insight and less frustration. I assumed she was just being lazy and irresponsible (and ok, yes, she probably was if she was THAT tight on money and took a week to go to the beach) but we had put her in that position. I was the one who pressured her and was like "oh you can't not go, everyone else will be there!". When she expressed her money concerns that's when the rest of us chipped in with the major expenses. So really we knd of talked her into it even though she expressed hesitations and reasons she couldn't. It ended up being fun in the end but as very awkward at times. In the end I felt like I really just stressed her out and caused a lot of trouble rather than the "peaceful carefree beach trip" I had envisioned. Because I have been blessed enough to never be a "paycheck to paycheck" person, i could never fathom that a nearly free (except food) could cause financial stress. But then when I look back and realize how much it costs to feed 3 kids on the road, knowing that you DON'T have a paycheck waiting when you get backe because you don't get paid for your time off, I can see why she didn't want to.
Sorry for the long post... But I guess my point is that there are lots of reasons (money, scheduling etc) that a "free" vacation is still not feasible for some people. It doesn't mean they are ungrateful, horrible friends, or any of that (necessarily).