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Advice needed.
So I need some help in writing a 'congratulations on your big day' letter. A person whom I though to be one of my closest friends is getting married in two weeks time, not only was I not invited, I didn't even know.
We do live quite far from one another so we don't see each other as often as we used to, but we'd email and chat all the time, things got a bit rough in our own personal lives so we didn't speak as much as we used to, but we still tried. I also helped out with her mom a lot who lives two blocks down from me. She was going through a hard divorce and a rough financial time and I did whatever I could to help out.
I'm not here to berate or her or complain about her, I just want to wish her well without any anger or anamosity, which is hard, every little letter I've started has turned to anger, so I'm asking for some advice and wording or pretty much anything.
It would be greatly appreciated.
Re: Advice needed.
Don't write a letter. Just get a card and say "Congratulations! I'm happy for you and wish you the best.". If you can't really even write that, then it's probably best to not send anything at all.
Do you know why, though, you weren't invited or didn't know? Did she have a really small wedding and perhaps stayed quiet about it because she knew people would be upset?
Or is this perhaps just another sign that the two of you really aren't all that close anymore?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would just get a card and write "Congratulations. I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness."
Ditto what everyone else said. Buy a lovely card, write congratulations, and send it. You weren't invited, a gift isn't needed, just your kind words for someone you consider a friend.
Writing a letter means you have to express something, and right now you feel left out and excluded. It takes a special skill to write something in this circumstance. Later on, if you have an opportunity to stay in touch, you can ask questions. Right now "congrats" is all that's needed.
My husband and I were engaged last June, and decided in October that we would get married in January because my dad was pretty sick and we wanted him there with us. Since it was a small time-frame and we wanted to keep it very intimate and personal, we invited close relatives. Because we didn't invite anyone that wasn't blood related, we didn't bring it up to those who weren't invited. I told good friends in conversation... But there are girls I was close to in college and we keep in touch a few times a year.. Since I hadn't talked to them they didn't know. It's rude to talk to people about your wedding that they aren't invited to, but the whole situation can be awkward for the bride as well.
Congratulate her and give her the benefit of the doubt until the situation can be clarified.
I guess my advice differs from the others. If you are close enough that you call on a fairly regular basis. I would call or text her and ask her how she was and see if she mentions the wedding and tells you then. If not, I might bring up that I heard she was getting married, and that I was surprised she didn't tell me, and add that weren't fishing for an invite. If you don't want to do that-maybe you feel something is off in the relationship which caused this, then just send a card and write congrats! She may have a great explanation that would get rid of all the anger you are feeling or maybe she'll tell you she is not that into you anymore. Otherwise I guess at least you know.
I would be very hurt that a friend was getting married and didn't tell me, more hurt then if she told me she was getting married, but that it was family only due to illness or whatever reason. I get some people would rather not know if they aren't invited.