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Am I crazy?
As I've talked about on here, my brother's gratuation open house party is this weekend. We have a lot of family coming in to town (basically, only 1 cousin lives near us), so it's going to be nice to see everyone. (Well, we'll see how it goes with the newly pregnant cousin and aunt who won't stop bragging about it.) Anyways..
One family is flying in on Thursday. They are probably one of my favorites, and we don't see them often. Less than once a year. They love DH. They are the ones giving us a free hotel when we go down to Nashville in October, saving us over $600.
So Friday night at my parents house, it's just going to be this family & one other aunt. I told DH on Monday that it was very important to me that we go up there Friday night to spend time with this family. I'd really like some time with them, other than at the party when there's going to be a hundred other people. I realize that DH probably doesn't want to spend friday evening, then all day Saturday at my parents house, but it's my brother's graduation, and I hardly see some of my family.
He didn't say much that night, so I thought he would think it over. Well last night as we were going to bed he said, "I'm not going Friday. I don't want to."
I asked him to explain. Why he wouldn't want to see this family that he also likes. They've done so much for us, they would love it if we spent some extra time with them. I understand it's not his ideal weekend, but this happens once. I don't ever over push him for family things, if he doesn't want to go, that's fine. I don't ever make a big deal about it. But I told him how much this meant to me, yet he was so against it from the start.
It's not like he said, "I'll see how my day goes." or "As long as I'm home by 5 we can go." It was just no. He kept throwing different things back at me, most of which have nothing to do with this weekend or my family. So I was pretty hurt.
Do I have a right to be upset? It's one weekend. I'm asking for an extra 3 hours with my family. I'll be spending the day Friday with them, so that's not an issue with me seeing them. It's just that it would mean a lot to them if DH would visit for dinner.
Or should I just get over it and not mess with Friday night. Maybe I'm just moody...
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
Re: Am I crazy?
TTC since June 2012
H and I have this fight all the time. I finally gave in and he's not coming with me to NC in a few weeks to see my family. He does not like my brother-in-law and it's a party for BIL's police academy graduation that involves a 10 hour drive to get there so I didn't push it.
I do think your H should suck it up for one extra night if he doesn't have a very good reason. I get not wanting to be stuck with family too long, but it doesn't sound like THAT long.
My parents live about 40 minutes away, so it's a bit of a drive, but not bad. The last time we were up there together was to tell them I was pregnant. Obviously, that was a while ago. (late march, early april) So no, we aren't up there very often.
And no, he doesn't have plans. That's a comment I made.. What about when they ask where you are? I can't say you'd rather sit on the couch and have a crown and coke than visit with them.
He said to tell them he was working. I said that I wasn't going to lie. That was where he threw out, I lie for you sometimes, why can't you lie for me.
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
TTC since June 2012
I agree with the other girls - you're not crazy and you definitely have a right to be upset.
I also wanted to add that I think part of being married or in a long-term relationship means having to go to those obligatory family events. Nobody really likes them (unless you love your family, which means you're lucky!), but you go. You go because you're part of a unit and it's important to your other half. And because you just go! It's family. My family drives me insane half the time, but we still put in the mandatory visits for special events, parties, etc. even though it eats up a whole weekend driving there and back. You just do it.
Athlete - that's the way he is with his family too! And they live 5 minutes away.
Here's what he lies to them about. A couple years ago I had major stomach issues & was being tested for everything. Food did not like me. So whenever we would go over there to eat, I would have to leave fairly soon aftet the meal because I wouldn't feel well.
So last night, when he said he lies for me.. "I always came up with a different excuse. I didn't tell them you had to poop."
Yeah, thanks, but that's a bit different...
There's supposed to be line breaks in there, but it's not cooperating.
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
TTC since June 2012
LOL. Yes, that is way different than just not feeling like going.
I'm going to play devils advocate.
H has family that comes in town maybe once or twice a year. They are nice and mostly tolerable and I always suck it up and see them, which would usually be after a long day of work.
I'm now at the point where I'm ready to decline more occasionally. I'm the type of person who values my space and having some alone time. I would not want to spend an entire Friday night and following day Saturday surrounded. Maybe I'm an azzhole, idk. I don't think family events need to be attended by the spouse 100% of the time.
Ky, is there any possibility you can go Friday and H can meet you on Saturday?
My dad's side gets together every Christmas. We see most of these people once a year, so I really enjoy going over to my aunts house for this. I realize that DH doesn't want to spend his entire Sunday over there, so this past year, we drove separately. I let DH leave when he wanted that afternoon (he stayed for about 4 hours), and then I came home later.
It's not worth an argument, but I do think he should compromise and at least do dinner on Friday night and then leave.
ETA: Ky - I know you're helping your mom with your brother's open house, and I'm assuming you'll be there most the day helping to get it ready. Is your DH just coming for the party, or is he going to be over their the entire day? I do think he doesn't need to be over there all day on Saturday, and just be there for the party. Maybe that can be your compromise? Come for dinner on Friday and leave whenever he feels like after dinner, and then only come for the party on Saturday?
TTC since June 2012
After thinking about it all day (and I've had a crazy day at work!) I decided that instead of Friday night, he can spend all day Saturday. We will actually need his help with chairs/tables/tent set up anyway. So I just asked that we stay later on Saturday since everyone is staying in town through Sunday, so they'll be there for a while. Usually he likes to leave these things early, so I just asked that we stay and visit. That's my compromise.
And zero, I totally understand. And most of the time I would be fine with him skipping out on a dinner. This aunt & uncle are an exception though.
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
It sounds like you've come up with a compromise, but I just want to say that I don't think you're crazy at all. I would be very upset if I were you. What would he expect from you? I think that's always important to think about. If it was his family, would he expect you to comply?
When my grandpa died last summer, H had already booked a Vegas trip with some dudes. I insisted he go, because when my grandpa died, the funeral wasn't for another month (My mom and nearby fam needed to give some faraway fam time to get there). H felt terrible, but I insisted he go. I asked him what he'd expect from me, and he said he'd expect me to go, too.
Ugh, I don't know. Every couple has their own opinions on this. My only advice is no matter what you decide, be OK with your decision and try not to hold it over one another in the future. (speaking as someone who admittedly has done this and is trying to not do it anymore)