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A Break
My fiance Devons dad hates me. About three weeks ago his dad cussed me out spit in my face. Told me I was worse than the dirt on his shoe. I haven't done anything to this man we hardly even talk. The decisions that Devon and I have made he hates and thinks that I have ruined his son (buying our first car and wanting to buy a house, and waiting to get married until I am done with school). This all happened because he says I slammed his door (which I didn't). He called me a bitch and that's what started it all. This whole time I am getting yelled at for absolutely no reason Devon is standing there. He did nothing to stop his father from yelling at his future wife. Then after his dad left he asked me why I did that? I didn't do anything but stand up for myself. He was mad at me for arguing back. So I packed a few things and left to stay with my parents for awhile while things cooled down. It has been three weeks since the fight and Devon hasn't tried to talk to me or make plans with me to talk. I finally said something to him about how upset I am about this whole situation. He turns around and tells me I'm the reason this ( us not talking) is happening. I was so angry and told him I think we need a break for awhile. Maybe he isn't the man I thought he was and I need some time to think. I don't want to marry someone that can't even stand up for me when it was clearly not my fault. I love Devon but I think I need to decide if marriage with this man is even possible now. I am so angry and hurt. We have been together for almost seven years he is my high school sweetheart and is all either of us has known. I know we are young 21 yrs old and have only been with him but we were going to get married because I thought he was the man that I needed in my life forever and here I am now contemplating whether or not we should even be together.
Am I wrong for needing a break to think about our future life together? If he can't stand up for me when I actually needed him who's to say he wouldn't do it again?
Re: A Break
First let me say that I'm surprised you guys can go three weeks without talking. Usually when I get into a really bad argument with my boyfriend we talk the next day. So three weeks is hard for me to imagine.
I think you should be rid of this weakling and his angry father, and find a real man who can stand up for you. Your partner should be just that, a partner. Your boyfriend isn't.
And when you officially break it off figure out what's going on with the car. If you have a car loan make sure the person who isn't keeping the car get's their name off the loan. If you both have your name on the loan, but he never pays it's going to hurt you even if you aren't in possession of said car.
My husband generally stays out of things and lets me fight my own battles. I'm fine with that. He's fine with that. But even he would have stepped in here. If he stood there silently while his dad called me names and spit in my face, he'd be out on his @ss immediately.
Don't marry this guy. He's not ready for marriage if he can't stand up to his dad when he's acting like a lunatic.
I almost married a man when I was 21 and it would have been the worst mistake of my life. He was not the right guy. Plus I never would have found out how to make the most of my life by supporting myself until the right guy came along.
You owe it to yourself to find the right person to spend your life with. Don't look at it as though you have wasted years with the wrong guy; look at it like a learning experience and move on. Enjoy some time NOT part of a couple to find out what YOU want to do with your life.
Dude. Being high school sweethearts and having been together for 7 years is NOT A REASON to stay with him. It sounds like you're trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
You've seen very, very, very clearly the kind of "man" your FI is. His dad comes first. You second. No- not second..... probably last. I'd bet you that his mom comes before you too, and... who knows who else.
You're ONLY 21. Don't tie yourself to this guy. You've got time. PLENTY of time. Go out and discover who YOU are. Don't leave him then just run to another guy. Take some time for YOU. Figure that out. make yourself the whole package. And in time - you'll probably find the truly right guy for you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I was engaged at 20. It broke my heart when things ended.
But now I look at where I am, who I have become, and who I am with and could not be happier.
My ex-fiancee married another girl (not shortly after we broke up - she was actually someone he dated in HS) and he is miserable.
Smart people grow and change SO much, even between 21 and 25 -- which I'm sure is part of the reason why divorce rates are much lower in couples that get married after 25.
Of course, only you can make this decision, but you asked for advice and mine would be to dump him and focus on school.
Yep.
My mother-in-law sounds very similar to your fianc?s father. I made the mistake of thinking that after we got married my husband would stick up for me, seeing as I would be his family too.... This was a huge mistake, and even though I love my husband very much (and he is a good husband), his mother has ruined our lives and made our marriage struggle. If he doesn't stick up for you now, he never will. Don't make the mistake of thinking it will change.... if you don't come first now, you never will.
Good on you for recognizing the signs now.... take some time for yourself and break up completely. "Taking a break" will not send your message clearly enough - he needs to put you first, not his dad.