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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
need sex advice
My husband and I have been living together for 4 years and we are 23 year old no kids and well at first we would make love every day and slowly it has been decreasing now we only do it once or twice a week and well he says that he likes to wait cuz it feels better for him but I am the one suffering cuz I like doing it daily and I just want to know is that normal cuz I have checked his phone and facebook and email and he is not cheating so I don't know if his sex drice has just dropped or maybe he isn't truned on by me anymore I even wear sexy lingerie and in a few occasions he has said no baby but you look really hot
Re: need sex advice
It's normal to drop from daily to a couple of times a week after living together for a while. That said, I've been with my DH for 12 years and I'd be upset at dropping to once or twice a week. And we have opposite schedules and a toddler. If we were still just a young married couple, I'd be wondering what was up too.
I'd bring up the topic again, outside the bedroom. I'm wondering about his "it feels better" if he does it less often. I'd just want to rule out any emotional or physical problem. If it really is just that that's all his sex drive requires, I'd masturbate more.
Why do people say this?
If sex is pretty much the same as masturbation, to the point where masturbating is an adequate substitute, then you're doing sex wrong.
Cuz this is a run on sentence I am having trouble following it.
Yikes.
Lots can be happening here.
YOu've been together for awhile --- and maybe that's why the frequency of sex is diminishing.
If this has been going on for a very long time -- and not just for maybe a month --- other things can be in the mix: possible affair, he's decided no more sex for only a reason he can name, or maybe he's gay.
Masturbate. Take things into your own hands, so to speak.
There are many ways a guy can cheat without leaving a tell tale trail or clues via the vehicles you have named.
Maybe he's got another phone you don't know about and it's dedicated to her. Maybe he's fooling around after work and coming home "normally" as per usual. Rats like those come up with ways, believe me...and lots of guys who cheat never get caught.
He also can be on FB, Hi5 or some other site using a phoney alias.
And before email, cell phones, social media and other electronic crap, guys cheated. And again, lots of cheaters are never caught.
What you do need to do:
Sit him down and talk to him -- at length --- outside of the bedroom.
Communication is key, as I always say. "Honey we used to be so hot together; I'd really love it if we could get to that point again" and see what he says to that.
Talk to him. And things should improve. Twice a week is fine; it's excellent, in fact.
(and fyi --- not every guy is into lingerie or fancy underwear)
I didn't say it was the same, but it's what you do when you don't have the option of partnered sex. He shouldn't feel obligated to do it any time she's in the mood any more than she should feel obligated to do it solely for his sake.
It's not so much a substitute as a stop-gap.
But it isn't, at all. It's just an orgasm and fantasy. If what she wants is actual human interaction and a physical connection, then she gets exactly none of that with this.
I'm not saying she should feel obligated, but ffs, if it were enough the same that it could be a substitute, then we would have exactly zero unwanted pregnancies as a species.
I think you need to respect his boundaries. Daily is a lot in my book. I'm sure my husband would be on board with having sex daily but I just can't get into it that often.
Question for you though - why does his very realistic desire for sex every couple days cause you to think he's cheating? You checked his phone, facebook, and email over this? That's cray cray. If that was your gut reaction me-thinks you've got bigger issues to hash out. It sounds like you have a serious struggle with insecurity and lack of trust.
If you want it more and he wants it less, all you can do is try and compromise. If you could get to three days a week, roughly every other day, would you be satisfied? I think that's fair.
As I said, if this has been going on for several months then something else IS going on. If this is a few weeks or a month, maybe it's a phase. Maybe it's also passion waxing and waning.
You need to talk to him, as I said. Commnication is key, as I also said.
I don't consider it the same thing at all. But if she's ruled out physical/emotional issues and it's just a matter of their sex drives not matching, it's a reasonable way to deal with it. Cuddle with the husband while you watch a movie and then go take care of yourself if he'd not into it.
you are a troglodyte
Hey there,
This happens in many marriage precious lady, so you are not alone. Sex in marriage is ever evolving with busy schedules, throw children in the mix, emotional challenges. We become skilled 'sailors' navigating the waves that come to rock our marriages, but this takes time. So give yourself time to adjust and your husband...he needs you to give him time as well.
Talking about it is great as long as it is talking and not arguing. You can tell him how it makes you feel, but don't pressure him or manipulate him to do anything. Sister, let me tell you, I understand how it feels when you just want him to stop doing something that hurts you and start doing something that makes you happy.
But if you remember our vows we said to them...this is the 'worse' part. What helps me when we face challenges is to change my view. I look at the situation and know 'its not always going to be this way' and then I start believing for the best, for something good to happen. And in my experience...it does. While I wait, I do my best to love the heck out of my husband and make every effort to let him know that he is my amazing husband. I also look after myself, reminding myself how precious I am and how beautiful I am. Nothing sexier than a confident woman. But again all of this takes time...one moment at a time, one day at a time.
You're not alone:)
Mastrabation doesn't hold a candle to sex. I isn't know why you jumped to cheating op but miss matched labidos suckz. It makes you feel unwanted and unloved. The partner with a low labido gets sex whenever they crave it because their partner is starved for affection. So they don't get why you ate so upset. It's hard.
Try talking to him outside the bedroom. And consider having his testosterone checked. I wish I got it twice a week.... I have to talk to DH every few weeks. It's gotten better, not perfect but he is trying.
Good luck