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bridal party help!!! (money issue)
we are in full planning mode for the shower and bachelorette party for one of my best friends... we only have 3 weeks go to. I am the MOH and there are 4 other BM's. We've been planning for weeks and have talked about money all along. Now the sister of the groom who is a notorious PITA just emailed me to tell me her budget is less than half of what we projected the cost to be per person.
She still wants to plan and be involved but basically doesn't want to pay her portion of most things including the gift. She told me that if she had known it would cost this much she wouldn't have been a BM and I can tell you, we are NOT blowing the bank... this is easily the cheapest shower I've ever thrown because it isn't at a restaurant. She went on to tell me that weddings are a waste of time and money (she is married btw) and that this is all unnecessary.
So what do I do? I will not go to the bride about this, his family already causes her enough stress. Do the rest of us just suck it up and pay her portion? problem with that is that other BM's agreed on their max budget and this puts them past that.... basically I'll end up paying all of it, which DH will not be happy about.
Re: bridal party help!!! (money issue)
This kind of stuff irritates me. I'd tell her to contribute what she can and call it a day. I personally would probably pick up the difference myself (assuming it's not $$$$) or ask the other girls if they can split the difference with you.
See this shiit doesn't fly with me. I would be sending a strongly worded email, basically laying it out.
PITA BM,
It is unfortunate that you're having trouble coming up with your portion of the shower/bach/whatever. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position financially to pick up the difference. Since this was an agreed upon amount by the whole bridal party, it doesn't really seem fair to force the other bridesmaids to contribute more than their share as well. I am happy to discuss any another ideas you have. At the end of the day, we all want Bride to have a lovely shower/bach/whatever. Let me know your thoughts.
Phillygal
ETA: I guess it's not that strongly worded, but more passive aggressive lol
HAHA I might copy and paste ... Problem is that it will cause world war 3... she goes to her brother and the bride and her mom (who goes to the bride and her son) about EVERYTHING! his family situation is already tense and I don't want to cause any issues that would cause stress for the bride. that's a major concern with anything that I do.
i wrote back and asked if she had any suggestions on how we can handle this fairly. she read it but didn't write back. so we'll see.
I totally hate conflict so Id probably pay her part and biatch about it behind her back.
What I wish I would do is say "I completely understand where you are coming from. Participating in a wedding is expensive, and I too have reached my maximum financial abilities at this point. But, I dont mind if you give my address to whoever you'e arranged to pay the rest of your portion so they can send me a check."
What I would do after talking to DH, who would give me a pep talk about my aversion to conflict is to point out that everyone else has already committed their max amount as well so her full contribution is necessary. Perhaps she can ask her family to help with cash or she can contribute more non-cash items, like make a lot of the food or make the invites herself etc to provide some overall savings.
I hate these situations and it is why I am so leary to participate. I dont trust other people to be reasonable and considerate.
See, here's where you are wrong. It's not you causing the problem, it's PITA BM who initiated the issue. You cannot control who she shares this with after you've asked her to stay true to her earlier agreement. It's not your problem that she's not a grownup.
Send her a link to "sell gold jewelry" or how to sell her plasma.
you are awesome.
I guess what I should have said is that I want to PROTECT the bride from the drama that is brewing.
It's stuff like this that makes me *hate* being in weddings...there's always that one PITA you have to deal with.
At one point, I would have just sucked it up and paid whatever portion remained unpaid. Having been down that road one to many times, I not pitch in. She has had ample time to voice any budgetary concerns. Waiting until the last minute is not cool. She's the one with the issue, then let her figure out a solution.
FTW! I'd be pi$$ed but I'd also not want to upset the bride. Such a hard situation...
Keep in mind I am a ***.
This is the groom's sister, right? If she really won't pay, I would contact him, tell him the story, and ask what part of his wife to be's day should be cut.
Also, after the fact I would have no issue telling the bride how much she sucks.
I am definitely having a bottle of wine with her afterward and letting her know everything... just not before the wedding.
I actually just talked to the groom. He texted me to ask if I was having any "issues" so I assume she texted him. I told him what was going on and he said that his family loves to do this and that is was extremely sorry. He offered to pay her part (which I don't think is fair to him or the bride since it is her money too) and told me to keep him updated if things got worse or I needed him to step in. He said that she is become increasingly jealous of their wedding and has made a lot of really rude comments to the bride lately and he is almost at his tipping point.
So Amy you may be a *** but I'm right there with you.
I am such a b*&^% (as evidenced by my plasma sales recommendation), so... Take him up on his offer. He shouldn't have offered if he did not expect you to accept it. There are consequences for her actions! Take the kid gloves off.
my real concern is that his money is also the bride's money... i feel like that is unfair to her to have to pay for her own gift.
So I went passive aggressive on her and asked her to let me know when she comes up with a solution that is fair to the others. she completely shut down. after waiting days with no response I decided we aren't going to do a group gift and now she says she is not coming to the b-party (boo hoo) apparently she truly thought she would be put on the group gift card even if she did not contribute so now she realizes she has to buy something herself!
this is great too. The MIL (who is equally irresponsible with money... and before anyone thinks I am saying they are irresponsible for not having money to spend on another person's wedding it is not that.. the mom had to take out a loan to buy decorations for the shower... at party city!!! yet she went to a casino a few weeks ago and blew through her paycheck) has now asked how we are splitting up the reimbursement of the party decorations that she offered to buy as her part of the shower! (and are horrible) I kindly said we are not and that she offered to buy them as her contribution so we did not factor them into our budget and that we appreciated all her help. (then I found out about the loan) ugh I feel like I am babysitting adults!
ETA and you are right... I need to be more of a B... I need lessons (although my husband and opposing counsel may disagree some days!)