Are you the "breadwinner"?

sparklerose · July 2013

How many ladies out there are the "breadwinner" in the family? I hate the term breadwinner, not sure why. If you are/aren't, how do you feel about it?

I make almost double what DH does, and I have no problem with it. Occasionally I get a little stressed knowing that if I lost my job we would lose all benefits and most of our income, but we would scrape by. Luckily my work offers an amazing severance package with layoffs.

We have considered DH staying home with DS, but since we pay low daycare costs and he is older now it doesnt make sense. If we have another child we might consider it. I would love it if DH stayed home and I didn't have to worry about picking up DS in time. And knowing he was at home having fun with Dad!

brij2006 · July 2013

I am the breadwinner in our household. Although it isn't by much, and it varies each year since I have commissions and bonuses. Last year I made $5k more, and the year before that I made $8k more. This year I am on track to be 10-15k more.

I am okay with it, but I can tell sometimes that it gets to H. He wants to be the provider, and wants me to have the option to work part time or stay home someday. If we continue on this same trek, it would make more sense for him to stay home.

ta78 · July 2013

Definitely not. I'm a SAHM. It took some time at first to get used to not contributing financially, but I love being home w the kids.

Does it ever bother your H that he only makes half of what you do?

ashleybunny8 · July 2013

DH and I have both had "turns" at being the breadwinner.

When we were first married, I worked two lousy PT jobs, and DH had a very swanky top-dollar job. Obviously he made more than me. He made about triple what I made.

Then, I got a 9-5 job. He made only about 2k more than me a year. Then, three months later, the company he worked for went bankrupt and he lost his job. During the 5 months he was out of a job, I was the only one bringing in money.

Then he landed another job, but I was still making more than him, about 2k per year more. Then he got a raise so we were making the same amount for a while.

But then he was offered an am-a-zing job at a new firm, doing something he loves, with a huge pay increase. He actually started there today! He is now making about 10k more than me per year. We're hoping that in a while I can go back to part-time work, or just stay at home! Muahaha that would be amazing!

Neither of us care who is making more money. We both realize that for the time being, it is necessary for both of us to work, and since all of our money goes into the same bank account, it doesn't matter where it is coming from. Although I will say that DH came from a really well-off family, so when we were making next to nothing, it was an adjustment for him: he was so used to buying whatever he wanted as soon as he wanted it. He's so frugal now, sometimes it is annoying!

vpine · July 2013

I'm the 'breadwinner'

sparklerose · July 2013

ta78:
Definitely not. I'm a SAHM. It took some time at first to get used to not contributing financially, but I love being home w the kids.
Does it ever bother your H that he only makes half of what you do?

Yeah, sometimes it does bother him. He feels bad when I get stressed about work since my job is pretty stressful at times. Overall he is ok with it, he really loves his job its what he wants to be doing. Sometimes he talks about doing something different so he woudl make more, I always tell him I would never want that!

kasi55 · July 2013

We are pretty even right now when you add in benefits and bonuses. He used to make a bit more than me but was miserable at his job. He took a paycut but likes this company and position so much more. It was totally worth it.

MoreThanABride · July 2013

I am, and sometimes I hate it. DH expects me to do a lot of the "wife" things and I don't like his expectations. I do 95% of our child duties and he wants me to do all the cooking and most of the cleaning. I feel like if I wasn't the breadwinner I could work part time and our home life would run smoother. He does the majority of the chores now, but always complains that I do not act like "the woman." but I am busy with the kids and still getting up twice a night with the baby. I think a lot of his issues are because he is not the breadwinner. I am still ramping up after maternity leave and last week we made the same amount of money, take home. The difference is that I worked 32 hours and he worked probably around 60. I wish it was more "fair" but I have an engineering degree and he has a hs diploma, so... Obviously we have bigger issues than this post was asking about and I need to step up.

CuriousKiddosMama · July 2013

I am definitely not the breadwinner. My husband depending upon bonuses and off shore time (if he has any of either) makes 2 to 3 times what I do. I just finished teaching in June so technically I'm in summer vacation mode, but soon I will be a SAHM. I've actually quit my job before (3 years ago) so we could travel overseas for DH's job. When we were overseas, it was great, but I really struggled with it when we returned home. I didn't feel like I was contributing my share, even though DH knew I wouldn't be able to find a job teaching the moment we returned to the states. Know this isn't what the question was about, but once we created a budget, I felt a lot better about everything because prior to that I felt almost guilty about every $ I spent, so when you see me constantly asking people on here 'What's your budget?" there's a reason for that!

littleoneMD · July 2013

Yeppers - I make a multiple of what my husband makes, but I know that at some point the roles will be reversed. But given what I do for a living, there is a good chance it won't - and that does not bother me.

I think it bothers him some that he is not the traditional breadwinner- but then again, I'm three years older than he is, and he spend 8 years in the USMC and just recently graduated with his BS. So I have about 10 more years out in civilian employment than he does - so that is obviously a very big factor.

Personally, I think it comes down to every couple - for us, it mostly goes into one pot of money, (each of us get fun money too) so who makes how much or more doesn't matter.

orangehills · July 2013

Nope! But my job is a state government job, so it brings in the awesome medical benefits, pension and security, not to mention flexibility and time off which will be good when we have kids and one of us needs that for appointments and whatnot.

anssett · July 2013

It's oscillated. When we got together I was unemployed (by choice) after finishing a doctorate. Then I worked a low paying research job for a year with him having a 'real' salary. Then I got a giant raise and made more than him. I still do.

Does he care? No. Money is money. We both keep the house. We both keep our lives going. We share the money. We're a team.

jessica490 · July 2013

I am but only by $2 per hour. He's going back to school,so once he's done he will make about $4 more dollars than me.

MrsS728 · July 2013

For the last 2 years my husband has been the "breadwinner" in our family because my job was cut to part time. As of September 1st (teacher), I will be making a whopping $400 more than my husband. Most importantly it will wonderful to have the extra income back in our pockets. Down the road my income will jump quite a bit with longevity and my husband's will plateau.

I've always said that we are good for each other. He supported me in the beginning of our careers and I will support him at the end of our careers.

quiltedinky · July 2013

I've been with my husband nearly 7 years, married for a little over 2. Every year I've made more money than him except for this one and as he continues in this job. I'm glad it's that way. For most of the time together I was making more than him while working part time and he was working full time.

Last year his brother was visiting and asked him if it would bother him if I made more money than he did. I busted out laughing, looked the brother in the eye and told him that I've always made more than hubby. LOL I just didn't tell him numbers. The difference in our pays was $3-5K.

This year I know hubby will make more than me by $5k +. I've had several leaves of absence and he now works in the transportation industry. So for his extra income I've sacrificed having him home majority of the time.

We never cared who really made what because it all went into a joint account. Our "mad money" is equal to our needs. Before he got an extra $10 a week to cover gas, cigs, beer and extras. My $$ covers gas, cigs, extras. Now his mad money is more than mine because it has to feed him while working.

CowgirlK39 · July 2013

Yes I am the breadwinner. I make double what my DH does. I honestly hate it. I hate the fact that I bought into the idea that I had to be some mega successful person or I was crap (my high school preached this... My two best friends are now a doctor and a nuclear engineer). So I have a degree and a big sales job but its not the life I wish I had. My DH has a high school diploma and a seasonal job that he does for fun. I've tried to talk him into getting a better job but he loves what he does so I guess I can't tell him to do something else. I have mixed emotions about my current job but DH begs me to keep trying and keep at it. He says I will "never find a job that pays like this" because to him my salary seems astronomical. I wish I could have a clean apartment and supper on the table for him, but instead I am often out of town on business. It's just not for me but it looks like I am stuck with it.

cakergirl · July 2013

Would or could you consider a maid or cleaning service (this is a general question for anyone who wants to answer)? On one hand I hate that my husband ends up doing so much around the house although he does it mostly without complaint.,. But on the other hiring a cleaning service or yard service isn't that appealing to either of us either, even though I know it would make it easier.

another KT · July 2013

I am the sole breadwinner. My husband hasn't worked in years due to health issues. It stresses me out.

mana8503 · July 2013

I am the "breadwinner". H got out of the Army since I made double what he did. He said it didn't make sense for me to leave my job and follow him. That and he was getting burned out with the military. With the transition it was VERY stressful being the consistent check and making it work. Now he's settled into his civilian job, and had been bringing home almost as much as I do! Of course I have insurance and retirement taken out of my pay, but still. It's way less stressful, and we are getting ahead!

ETA - last year it did bother H I made more, but now we're getting head I don't think it matters to him anymore. I think it was more we were struggling...

entropicbeauty · July 2013

I am the breadwinner in my household and DH is perfectly OK with it. I make 2-3 times more than he does per year, though we both work about the same amount of hours. DH takes care of most of the household chores (I help when I can) - he loves cooking and cleaning so it works really well for us. If we have children, he would probably be a SAHD because I love working and we obviously rely on my income.

fajita814 · July 2013

I am the breadwinner in our household. My regular salary is 2-3X what dh's is. I also co-own a rental property business with my brother (our spouses are not involved at all), so adding that in I make about 5X what DH makes. I know sometimes he wishes he made more $, and he is back in college now (I have a masters degree, he has his HS diploma) but it doesn't really "bother" him. We don't keep tabs on our money, once it is in the bank it is "Ours"

anssett · July 2013

eywj:
Would or could you consider a maid or cleaning service (this is a general question for anyone who wants to answer)? On one hand I hate that my husband ends up doing so much around the house although he does it mostly without complaint.,. But on the other hiring a cleaning service or yard service isn't that appealing to either of us either, even though I know it would make it easier.

1000% yes. Do a simple calculation of how much you're paid per hour (for us salary folks).

Hourly 'worth' = AnnualSalary/2080

That's how much I consider my time to be worth. When I'm not working at work, but doing household work that's the ballpark I value that time. I would MUCH rather spend my free time with my husband and friends working on projects and hobbies then cleaning my house. My free time is limited. So is my husband's. Period.

We have a cleaning person who comes every other week for the things we don't have time for. Daily stuff we handle. Deeper cleans we let someone else do. If we had a yard I'd pay someone to mow it. Period.

This same concept hit home when I changed from really poor graduate student to professional working woman (with a professional working husband). I used to do better cleaning myself, shopping in thrift stores, etc. Now my time is just worth too much...

irishfemme · July 2013

I am in our household and have been for most of our relationship. This could change when DH finishes his current degree in a few years.

cbee817 · July 2013

Breadwinner here- I make almost 2x as much as DH and that's how it has been since we were dating. No issues though- it's never bothered DH and it works for our family.