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Travel Itch
This is my first post on the nest 
Be gentle!
My husband and I have been married for 3 years this August. We've been traveling a lot over the past few years between the honeymoon, vacations and missions trips. We've recently agreed to take a travel hiatus and start a family early next year.
The other day I got the travel itch again though, and looked into trips to Ireland. I've never been overseas and I have always dreamed of it. After finding out how affordable the hotel+flight packages were, I contemplated planning a trip before we really start planning to start a family.
My husband is much more frugal than me, so traveling is one of those things he finds little value in. He seemed upset that I was going back on my original idea, which left me feeling terrible. How can I bridge the gap between the dreams I have to see the world and the priorities we've established as a couple?
I am just afraid of rushing into having a family without doing some of the pre-baby things I really want to do. On the other hand, I would love to start a family, and I definitely don't want to cause friction in our marriage. Any advice would help greatly!
Re: Travel Itch
Talk to your HUSBAND, not us. You two have to make this decision together.
Make a list of what you still want to do. Your H might not realize all the things you still want to accomplish.
Start TTC during your trip to Ireland???
GL
1st - the above... isn't that kind of what you've spent the past 3 years doing, though? By your own admission? Whose to say you won't go to Ireland and then come up w/ another trip you take- and then another, etc.
At what point do you actually buckle down ?
However, that being said - balance can exist and people travel all the time while TTC and even w/ kids. I don't think they have to be two separate issues.
It sounds like you and yoru DH really need to look at your plans, your budget, etc. What is it that your DH wants to see happen before TTC? How do you see travel continuing to be a prioirty while also TTC/having kids?
Do you really HAVE to stop traveling all together?
I LOVE to travel - H and I haven't got the chance to do a big trip together yet, but I've been to France several times and the Netherlands, and we're working on planning a backpack-through-Europe kind of trip in the next year or so.
You being someone who has traveled and seen other cultures, I'm sure you've seen how other families raise their children. I don't have any kids, so I can really give family advice, but I definitely echo the above posters - talk to your husband and PLAN. I think it would be great it you could pass this bug along to your kids, so maybe hold off on the trips, try to make some collages or scrapbooks to reminisce, and hopefully in a few years you'll be able to show the world to your little person!
Why did you agree to the hiatus if you still want to travel? If your husband finds little value in travel, why did he agree to all the travel during the first three years?
You need to explain to your husband how and why your opinion changed and start talking about a compromise. Maybe you can work the next big trip into your budget and start saving for it. What are you spending money on instead that you're willing to give up in favor of traveling? These are all discussions you need to have openly with each other and try to understand the other's point of view to find a middle ground that works for both of you.
PS - You do realize that you can still travel once you have kids, right? They're very portable!
You can travel with kids, and please do! My parents took me on many vacations, and those are some of my most treasured memories. They encouraged me to learn about history and other cultures, and it is still a passion of mine.
But I'm wondering if this is really about the traveling and more about that you just do not feel ready at this time to have kids. And that is ok, but you need to talk it out with him.
I brought it up to him and sort of let the idea ruminate a little. I didn't want him to think I'd be booking immediately.
The list is a really good idea, and his input is very valuable to me. I couldn't fathom knowingly doing something he really didn't agree with.
This is a really great way of looking at it. We have been lucky enough to travel quite a bit so far, and we have a lot of great memories to share. I am definitely feeling a bit greedy
That's awesome! I think part of my problem is being in a different state than my family. I've often worried about not having anyone around to watch them when we travel, even if it's for the weekend. But that's a whole different topic!
I know we'll make it work and we'll find out what works for us as a family. I think you made a good point about planning. We will just have to plan a little bit more to coordinate over state lines.
I think that's where I bum myself out the most. I've always wanted children. I think I made the mistake of assuming that I couldn't travel with children. These comments are helping me to know that I really can look forward to having both though
I honestly think he did it for me. He knows how much I love traveling, and he always enjoyed himself when we actually went somewhere. He's always worried about the financial aspect, which I definitely respect. We've always had a lot of lead time before vacations to save up, which pleases his "saver" side.
I think he'd love for us to stay at home and save for the next few years, and that definitely makes me feel a little stir crazy!
Very good points! This is why I wanted to ask the brain trust on this website. I could talk to my hubby until I'm blue in the face, but it helps to get some outside perspective to help organize my thoughts. And also to help slap some sense into me, as I can be a bit selfish!
Good idea! Could be a romantic place to start!
My DH and I are travel people too. But we have a 3-year-old a 16-month-old and I'm due with our 3rd at the end of the month.
We did a lot of big trips before family life. BUT, now our goals are to see the U.S. with the kids being little. Once they are older and can speak, walk, and appreciate the crowded subways in Paris, etc. - we'll take them abroad.
Your travel does not need to cease with a family, but you might consider altering where you go and how you travel. There are a ton of great things right here in the USA! Kids love learning about where they live.
DS has a map of the U.S. placemat for dinner time and he adores pointing out the places he's gone.
Will I be thrilled to go to D.C. or Niagara Falls yet again???....probably not, but there will be novelty involved for me anyway since I'll be witnessing my children seeing it for the first time. It's like how Christmas gets exciting all over again once you have kids because you get to get in on the magic and BE a child again.
You make it sound like having kids right now is more his priority, rather than your priority as a couple. I'm not a parent yet, and I'm really glad that we put off having kids in favor of a lot of travel in our 20s. While in theory I know we will be able to travel with kids, and we want to travel with kids, I'm really worried about how we will afford it. We'll have less time and money available for travel after we have kids and all the expenses that come with kids, and the cost of our trips will go up dramatically as we have to buy more tickets and probably will need to stay in nicer places to keep the kids happy.
Putting off kids has allowed us to spend more time traveling without them, more time getting established in our careers (higher salaries and a better chance of it being worth it for me to keep working after kids--so a lot more money available), and we've been able to save a lot of money for goals beyond travel (put a large down payment on our house so the monthly payment will be lower, have a large retirement nest eggs so we won't have to worry much about that after we have kids, etc). Not only has it meant a lot more traveling now, it means we are more likely to be able to afford to keep traveling after kids, and will mean a much more comfortable life after we have them in general. If your husband is concerned with the financial aspect, perhaps he would be more amenable to it if you were also pursuing other financial goals that will improve your future financial security at the same time. That may mean fewer trips, but you need to be pursuing both your goals and his.
Also, when it does come time to take a break from traveling, it seems like you should be on the same page about how long you expect that break to be. Perhaps set up a separate savings account for travel and agree on an amount of money to put in it every month. Be realistic and choose an amount you will still be able to afford even once you are paying for childcare or giving up income to stay home. From there, you should be able to predict when you can next afford to go on a trip.
Aw, that's so sad that your husband feels that way! My parents taught me that there are three things worth spending money on: education, travel, and other people. Maybe if you go to the right place, he'll be bitten by the travel bug!
I've started mentally dividing up my "to go" list into pre and post-children. Europe, Africa, and Asia before, Australia and the U.S. after.
I really love this idea and it's a great point! I've only covered about a third of my own country and I think it would be really cost-effective to approach it that way. My family hardly traveled when I was a kid, and I know it was mostly due to cost. If we plan accordingly and budget we can certainly do both!
I feel you girl! My husband doesn't appreciate it when I decide to do something other than we agreed as well. I think that the other ladies got it right in saying that you can do both, but obviously your hubby needs to be on board as well.
I'm learning to express my desires to change course to him when we're both in a good place:) and I do it in a very light hearted way 'like...I've been dreaming about doing...' instead of ' why don't we...' That way he knows that I am still happy to go forward in what we agreed but I also would really like to do this if ever possible. They love us and they listen, may not always seem like it but they do listen.
From one lady who loves to travel to another. It's really like any hobby, your husband may have some hobbies too. Continue to encourage him to do the things he loves too. Continue to share your passion to travel. If you can, set up some travel dates with just the girls or with a family member. Although we miss our husbands, it is cheaper to go without them sometimes. So try to fit it in in a fun, loving, no pressure kind of way with your husband.
Hoping for the best!
Ida
Grab a cup of tea, and visit me on my blog:) http://thejoyofbecoming1.wordpress.com/
Newly Married??? Sister, let's relate!
I absolutely live by this rule! I, too, am passionate about traveling and I was lucky enough to not only find, fall in love, and marry a man who loved to travel but was also frugal. Every trip we went on was almost always 6 months-one year in the future so that gave us time to budget it out and figure out how much money we needed to set aside to make it happen. Before kids we traveled to different parts of Europe and some parts of the US. Now, with kids that has slowed us down a bit but not too much. DD has been to Texas, Arizona, Hawaii, a roadtrip down the California coast, and with DS now in tow they've both been on a Mexican cruise, Disneyland, and just this past Feb. we took them to Vietnam and the Philippines for 2 weeks. We just booked an Alaskan cruise for next summer. It's doable! It just takes more financial, emotional, and survival planning. It's definitely tougher to travel with kids but it's so worth it.