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Would you judge these people?
Since everyone always enjoys an "is this tacky?" thread.
Friday night we went to a small, casual holiday party, get-together sort of thing. It was very casual...more of a "hey, if you don't want to go to this other big, expensive thing that others are going to, come by and we'll make our own fun." So, the host hadn't really done a lot other than buy two bottles of wine and a pie.
There was about a dozen people...all either students in my husband's program, or their spouses. People either brought a bottle of wine, dessert, or both. During the party, we hung out in the kitchen around the table and counter island...all the wine was on the island.
One couple arrived on the later side with a bottle of wine, and put it on the table, not over by the island. At one point, someone else moved the wine over to the island, but didn't open it. The couple stayed for about two hours, and the guy had several glasses of wine - his wife doesn't drink, but he's a huge wine guy. They were among the first people to leave, and as they were putting their coats on, I noticed the guy discretely take the unopened bottle of wine that the brought and put it under his arm before leaving.
These people are over 30 and his wife earns a very high salary, so it's not like these are a couple of just out of college people scraping by. Did they really need to take their $9 bottle of grocery store wine away from the still ongoing party?
I really wanted to like this couple, but this seems like the epitome of tacky. Or, do you think it's excuseable based on the casual, pot-luck, student-life nature of the party?
Re: Would you judge these people?
Yes, I would judge them. But I'm judg-y by nature. I'm trying to fix that.
Honestly, I really think a part of it depends on the kind of wine it was. If it was a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, then absolutely... if it was some $75 bottle of Pinot Noir, then probably not so much.
Yes, I would judge them. Probably not enough to rule out being friends with, but more in a "what the hell?" kind of way. I never take anything from a party unless the host sends me home with it.
They were the first people to leave, and we left about 15 minutes after them. When we left, there was probably a bottle and a half left...and 8 or so people still there. So I doubt there was any wine left at the end of the night.
I would judge them. Bringing wine to a party is not just a 'we're bringing something to share' gesture; it's a hostess gift of sorts. You don't take back a gift!
Although, to give them the benefit of the doubt... did they drive there? If not, maybe the wine was intended for the next stop in their evening?
The reason they came late is that they were at another event beforehand, and left early because she had to work the next day.
Hmm... maybe the wine had been a party favor from the earlier event?
Just playing devil's advocate as I'm often carrying lots of junk from one event to the next via public transportation. I also think its curious that they had initially put it to the side.
If they drove, though, there's no excuse I can think of.
That's weird. I can kind of understand where they're coming from, if they thought no one wanted to drink their wine, so they decided it was better to take it home and drink it themselves than let it go to waste. But I still wouldn't do it. A bottle of wine is as much a host gift as anything.
Very tacky, although I do wonder if the rules are changing.
To wit, I've hosted a few MOMS Club events at my house where other women bring over food. Almost without fail, everyone has taken home whatever food wasn't eaten. Although in reality I'm happy because I don't need the extra food lying around, I was raised to believe that this is poor form, and it always creates for a weird scene at the end of the night when everyone is wrapping up their own food.
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
I can't say I'd care - honestly. There was obviously plenty of wine to not open theirs. At least he did it "undercover". The whole "leave things you bring at parties" thing is odd to me though so I guess I'm not a good judger on this one.
I think this is different though. It's at the end of the event... so while in theory, the food should stay put, you aren't taking away from the fun of the party. In this case, people were still drinking and having a good time.
And, food can get complicated..I was at a book club recently, and at the end of the night, there was leftover food. At the end of the night, it was late, people were tired, the host seemed to want to wrap things up, and some of it (like mini-meatballs) were messy and in dishes the guest needed back. Since the food all came in tupperware, it was just easier on the hostess for the guests to wrap it up and take it home than to make the host get out her tupperware, transfer the food, clean up, etc.
So, I think I'm less judgy about food at the end of a party than wine in the middle.
LOL!
For the record, when we left, there were still some of my cookies left. We moved the cookies to a paper plate and took our dish. Because the party was still going on and I didn't want to deprive the guests of them, even though there was other desserts.
I was really sad to leave my cookies behind, as I was ridiculously attached to them (these were the star ones in my blog). If I could leave those behind, why can't these people leave their $9 Ravenswood Vinter's Blend? My cookies are irreplaceable!
I think this is the source of my bitterness.
I did the same thing at the cookie swap I attended, btw - I moved my cookies to a paper plate and just took my platter home. But it's harder to do that with something like, say, lasagna.
Tacky for sure. The only instance I can think of when I have taken wine back is at a much more intimate gathering of friends who get together every week. If I bring a bottle and it remains unopen, I'll take it home since I'm hosting the group the next week and we can drink it then. I would never leave with the wine I brought to a party.
Yes. Who does that?
I have definitely had times when I wanted to (like when I took a $30 bottle to my aunt & uncle's on Thanksgiving, and they hauled out the magnum of Woodbridge or whatever crap you get at the Giant)... but you don't actually do it!!
That's why you don't take $30 wine to a party!
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
Totally judgworthy. Awful. Cheap!
And all of you who said you'd judge, we all need to get together and dish. For real.
Lesson learned!! I thought I was being so nice and taking a generous gift that we all could enjoy together. Little did I know they saved the good stuff for themselves later, and let the rest of us drink crappy wine!
I say this at least once a week. I'm incredibly outspoken when face to face with someone. My tolerance for bullshit is pretty low and I have no problem alerting someone to the fact that they've maxed out their BS quota with me.
As to the PPs, I can understand (kind of) taking back food that is in a good container, but as one PP said, I always just tell the hostess I'll get the container later. My mother is a manners freak so I've got some pretty hardened ideas in my head about social protocols, LOL.
Me!
?As for the people from the post, I would judge and I wouldn't feel bad about doing so.?