Family Matters
MelissaKathrine
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How big of a role does faith play in your family?
My husband and I are of different faiths and it isn't a problem with us. We celebrate most holidays from our faiths together. I go to shul when I feel like it and he hasn't been one to go to church since he was a teen. I was wondering what it was like for other interfaith families. We don't have any kids but we have discussed that already. (I only address this because I caught a lot of negativity in the past on our interfaith future possible kids)
Re: How big of a role does faith play in your family?
I feel strongly about this subject, so this might get long...
My parents didn't share religious beliefs. My mom was/is a practicing Catholic. My dad had been raised a Catholic, but had basically become an atheist and stopped going to church. My parents agreed that my mom would raise my brother and I Catholic, and my dad would be verbally supportive, even though he wouldn't go to church himself. I guess it worked for him because he didn't mind his kids being religious. He was always honest about his own lack of belief, and we had many interesting discussions about it, but he was always fine with us going to church, and happy for us if we found some enjoyment out of it. My mom would probably have preferred to a husband who was Catholic, but because my dad supported her in raising us kids that way, she was okay with it. Both of my parents always told my brother and me that we would be raised in the Catholic religion, but when we turned 18, we could decide for ourselves--just like they had.
So, speaking as the kid, I feel very grateful to have grown up in that situation. I learned, early on, that all people simply don't agree on their beliefs, and that's okay. More importantly, I learned that people can disagree about beliefs and still love and respect each other. Like I said, we argue religion in our family many times, and we still do today--and it never causes serious friction. (My husband's parents, on the other hand, both practiced the same religion, never discussed any alternatives, and now DH can't discuss religion with them without them getting upset). Finally, I honestly felt like I had a real choice. I grew up with two opposing view points, and I knew I could decide for myself because that's what my parents had done. It all made total sense to me. FWIW, when I turned 18, I considered myself very religious. SOme time passed, I continued to think things through, and now I consider myself an atheist. But I can happily say that no matter what I am, I am that because I gave it serious thought. In other words, I will never be that person who follows a religion because it's the only thing I know, and I feel obligated to just keep believing in it for tradition's sake.
My husband and I are both atheists, but I still really want my son to make up his own mind, and I plan to teach him about alternate religions/beliefs as much as I can. I'm glad my husband and I share the same views (because it's fun!) but I definitely don't think a married couple has to. I think that as long as both people can disagree respectfully, and as long as both can be honest with their children about what they believe (even if the kids are officially raised in one religion) it can be a huge, huge benefit to the kids.
My mom, her oldest sister, and their mother are all Methodist.
My other aunt is Southern Baptist.
My father is agnostic.
My older sister and younger brother are Athiest.
My younger sister is Christian- not sure what sect, she goes with her dad's parent's.
DH's family are all Jehovah's Witnesses. I actually met DH while I was studying to become a Witness myself, so now I am the only Witness in my family.
We don't discuss religion as a family (with my family), because inevitably, everyone's toes get stepped on. Although, it generally turns into everyone ganging up on me and DH because of ours...
You really need to do what you think is best for your children. Our children (if we have any) will be raised as Witnesses, but will be given the option to stay in the faith or leave once they are old enough to make an informed decision. They will most likely not go to birthday or Christmas/holiday celebrations with my family, but will be allowed to see them often for other events, such as anniversaries, cookouts, or other get-togethers. We know this will probably strain our relationship with my family even more, but it is how we want to raise our kids, so it's how we are going to do it.
My husband is Catholic and I am Lutheran. Both of us are confirmed and understand the religions we grew up with, but neither of us are active in or go to church. It's not for us.
However, I would like our future children to be exposed to religion. Different things speak to different people. It's far better to test something out and decide that you don't like it rather than ignore its existence. I had friends growing up who didn't really know anything about the Bible and I found that sad. Whether you agree with it or feel a connection to it, it's still a cornerstone piece of human literature/history/culture and binds Jewish, Christian and Islamic faiths together. You should still know it.
I was also good friends with Jewish families and attended Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitvahs. I'm so grateful to have lived in an area where I learned about several different faiths, practiced one, and was allowed to decide if any of it was for me. Education and choice - best things you can offer a child.
We haven't decided which way the child will be baptized but know that they will be. Lutheranism and Catholicism are very similar so it's not maaaajor differences in what they will be taught. It's entirely possible our child will end up in a Catholic school given where we live. We'll see how we things pan out, but it is definitely a goal of both of ours to have religion on our child's life.
H grew up Lutheran and I grew up Presbyterian. We attend a nondenominational Christian church now. We attend a weekly Bible Study and attend church every Sunday morning. This week I'm volunteering with VBS. I volunteered with Awana this past school year. So it plays a huge roll. It's an amazing support network. H and I plan to raise our future children attending church with us and being involved in church related activities.
Growing up I was in choir and a weekly kids after school program at church. I attended VBS. When I was in high school/college I volunteered with the kids after school program and VBS while being in the adult choir.
My mother was raised Jewish but converted to Christianity when I was around one year old. My dad was raised Methodist. I was raised in a generic Christian home I suppose. For a while we went to a Charismatic, non-denominational church that I really did not enjoy. In high school and college, I started going to Baptist churches and it seemed like the right fit for me.
After college, I met my husband at a Baptist church that we still attend. We plan to raise our children in the Christian faith, but I do intend to teach them about their Jewish heritage in the same manner that I was.
We are both atheists, so for us, no role at all. We don't have kids yet but plan to raise them without religion. If as they get older, they want to explore religion, fine.
I tend to not want to discuss religion with our families because it seems like people cannot be respectful of differing beliefs, or lack thereof. I know my parents know we are not religious- my mom knows we are atheist and I think my dad does. My H's sister asked him once, so she knows. Not sure if any of my ILs know or not.
Seems like there will always be something for others to criticize people over. Just do what is right for you and your H.
I was raised Catholic, but am now atheist. DH is agnostic, I guess. Faith plays zero role in our family. I will clearly teach DD about religion and what it is, but I will not encourage her to be part of one.
If she so chooses as an adult to do so, then that is her choice.
I was raised atheist/agnostic, but consider myself something more along the lines of pagan/pantheist now. DH was raised Catholic and is a secular humanist now. We talked about this a lot when we were dating and DH was Catholic, because I was very much not okay with the idea of raising children Catholic. Actually, he stopped believing in God before he stopped believing in Santa Claus, but for a long time continued to consider himself Catholic. He was raised in a very liberal Catholic church (do those even exist anymore? even the priest he grew up with isn't Catholic anymore), so not really believing in God didn't strike him as being in any way in conflict with being Catholic, and he was largely unaware of the objectionable politics of the international organization. At first this was an area of conflict for us, but as the Catholic church got more and more into the news on political matters, he basically stopped wanting to identify as Catholic or raise our kids in the Catholic church.
However, I would not say that just because neither of us belongs to an organized religion that faith doesn't play a big role in our family. It's just somewhat different than what most people who talk about faith are talking about.
I think the thing that makes it or breaks it is if you keep the lines of communication open. Any issues you are concerned with or that come up, that you deal with them immediately. If you don't base your whole family on religion and faith like many families and religions do then you should be ok as long as you compromise and keep the lines of communication open.
didn't realize the computer cut half my message off..
I was raised in a mixed religion family. I had family that were atheist, orthodox Jewish, LDS, Christian ( episcopal and non denominational). I converted to Islam when I was 19 and it was a sore spot in my family. My husband is Muslim(Palestinian) which makes it more of a sore spot with some family members. We decided we are going to raise our children Islamic as Muslims but they will know and embrace all religions. Since my husband grew up in Bethlehem we discussed celebrating Christmas/Easter with Christian family and Hanukah/Passover with Jewish family members.
I'm Catholic, but I don't totally follow the rules. I thought about changing, but after trying different churches, I realize I'm just not comfortable anywhere else. I grew up in the Catholic church and I guess I'm just use to it. I may not agree with everything, but it's still my home/family.
Anyway, back on topic. My husband is agnostic/atheist/alien = basically he doesn't know, lol. He's open to the idea of a God, but doesn't necessarily believe in one? He, however, was raised Catholic (baptized and had 1st communion).
So we definitely had "the talk" before we got married. If we have kids they will be raised Catholic. I'm not a church goer as of now since I don't want to get attached to a church any time soon since we will be moving to a new area. Once settled, I'll probably try going every other week, which is what we plan on doing when we have kids. Husband won't attend church with me alone, BUT he's willing to go if we have a kid, odd, but I don't mind.
We would have had a problem if he wasn't willing to do this since my faith is important to me, but when I brought it up he was actually really open about it and still is.
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