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Bridesmaid Vent
Good Morning Ladies!
I need to vent 
This September I am a bridesmaid in a wedding for one of my very good friends from college. I am really excited for my friend and very happy that she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Next weekend is the bridal shower and bachelorette party which I am so excited about but the cost for these events just keeps adding up and it is starting to annoy me.
The shower is being held at the bride's parents house in the back yard and we, as bridesmaids, are making all the food. We made a list of what we wanted to have for the shower (when I say "we" I actually mean the bride's sisters) and then divided the list amongst the 7 bridesmaids. I got an email today stating what costs are being combined and then divided amongst all of us bridesmaids so it is paid for fairly and one of the items was "big food items" Huh??
The mother of the bride said she was paying for the cake because the one the bride wanted was $150! I thought the whole point of making a list and dividing everything was so that we each made a dish of equal monetary value (which they all were, the food list wasn't any special) but now I have to shell out for someone else's dish too on top of shelling out for me own dish!?!
I'm guessing that my "fair share" to help pay for this shower is going to be about $85 and I am not happy about that. I've already spent $30 to make a game for the shower and I've spent another $30 in stuff for the bachelorette party. I know I didn't have to do those things but had I of known then that I'd be forking over $85 just for the shower, I wouldn't have done anything additional. Not to mention I am driving 5+ hours to get to this shower as well!
I know that I probably sound crazy and I'm just in a grumpy, frustrated mood because I am on my period and H is leaving for two weeks today but am I wrong to think that $85/bridesmaid (which comes to about $600 total for seven bridesmaids) is a bit nuts for a bridal shower that is being held in a back yard??
Re: Bridesmaid Vent
Does the $600 include a joint gift for the bride? We did a backyard shower for my SIL a few years ago and it didn't come close to that much and our total included a joint gift for her.
What sort of food are you all having? Is there a theme?
Wow that seems excessive. I would be very upset too. My baby shower is next month and I have several ladies wanting to help including my mom and then 1 girl who is actually "hosting". She came up with the ideas and then asked what everyone wanted to help with, she listed everything needed and let everyone pick what they could do based on their own situation. Some girls are doing more than others but it was by their choice. I think that's the only fair way to do it in my opinion.
They shouldn't expect everyone to just be able to afford all of that on top of dresses, shoes, makeup, and travel.
If that $85 is for all of that (which I think is what you just said here....although it's early so I could be having a major reading fail) then that's a great price in my opinion.
I know it sucks, because there are other expenses that you will have for being a bridesmaid, but I think for the shower/bachelorette parties, that's a fair amount to have to pay.
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I agree with Christine. That seems like a pretty good price for all that stuff. But I do live in CT where everything tends to cost more... Maybe that is alot for your area? I'm not sure, but here, I would consider that a fair price.
Edited to Add: I do think it's odd though that you have to pay an additional amount for 'big food items'. What does that include? I agree with you that I would have assumed the food was split evenly and that you wouldn't have to pay for someone else's dish. Unless the big food items are maybe things that they're ordering and not making, but otherwise I don't think it's fair for you to pay for someone else's dish.
My thinking was $50 seems like a fair contribution towards the shower (depending on the number of people invited/attending). So when you add in the hotel for the bachelorette plus the extra stuff (depending on what that is) the extra $35 isn't so bad. But I also live in New England where things are expensive, so my perspective could be off.
It does, however, suck that they didn't make this clear at the beginning so that you could prepare better financially. If you needed to pitch in for more than what was originally agreed upon, then they should have discussed it with the BMs.
I also don't get why you're paying for thank you cards, that's really weird! Unless it's your gift? That was one of my presents from my MIL (thank you cards, stamps, and address labels for everyone at the shower) and I have to say it was an AWESOME present!
I would be frustrated too. I think $600!!!! is way too much for a bridal shower. That is crazy to me personally.
Sorry
don't have any advice but that sucks!
You are a great friend!!!
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The thank you cards are for her sister to send out after the shower which doesn't make any sense to me either. Isn't that what the bride is supposed to do?
Thanks for letting me vent ladies. I guess it isn't too out there and the money isn't really an issue, I just wasn't expecting such a high total since nothing was discussed during the planning process.
Ummm YES! I would be offended if I got a thank you from a bridesmaid and not the bride who I gave the present to!! Unless they're both doing thank yous? Which is just unnecessary!
All of this. The fact that it includes a hotel room makes more sense to me now that it would cost $85 per person.
I just saw that you said the thank you cards are for her sister to send out? That part is weird. I also received thank you cards as a shower gift, and gave them to my SIL as part of her shower gift, and agree that it was an awesome gift. But if they're for the sister to send out...that is weird.
I agree- $85 for BOTH the shower and bachelorette isn't bad, but too bad they weren't a little more up front about the cost. And totally agree with the cards- I got thank yous at one of my showers as a gift from the hostess and it was awesome, but it would be very strange to receive a thank you from someone other than the bride.