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what should I do?
My dh and I were having a conversation about cheating and I asked him if he would ever cheat and if he would if he would fess up to me. His response was that he would not speak in absolutes. Then he got really defensive and said that he felt as if I was attacking him.
We have had conversations like this before and he would always say that he would never do that. Is it wrong of me to think that things have changed.
Back story....the reason I asked this question is because he has changed up his routine and it made me have a few doubts and after I noticed the change in routine... I had a nightmare that he was having n affair. What is this? Am I umping to conclusions? Ha anyone else ever gone through anything like this? I don't know what to do. I feel like my marriage is falling apart right in front of my eyes.
Re: what should I do?
I really could use some advice. I am going crazy right now. It's be 3 days since we have had this conversation and we really haven't talked very much since.
I feel so alone.
I'm not sure what's going on in your husband's head, but it sounds like you have trust issues that you need to resolve in order to have a healthy relationship. How often do you have this conversation, and what is bringing it on each time? DH and I don't really talk about cheating because we both trust that it won't happen.
As far as whether you should be worried - it's hard to guess from a change in routine, especially since I don't know kind of change you mean. But being unwilling to promise that he won't cheat is a problem. To me, it seems unlikely that this adds up to cheating, though it could. I would guess it's more likely that he's feeling distant and has considered it, or that he's gotten sick of your trust issues and playing your "can I still trust you?" game.
Clearly, none of this is good news. I think that you may benefit from both individual and couples' counseling. You may or may not find out exactly what is going on, but hopefully you can sort out the issues in your relationship so that all of this stops.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussFor sake of argument, I will go with "somebody new."
Sounds like you and he are blowing this out of proportion. Don't ask somebody if they'd confess if they cheated --- this is like asking him "Do I look fat in this dress?"
And if you are somebody nutty using an alias...(opens virtual door; kicks that person in the azz, boots her thru door...shuts door)
What do you mean by a change in routine?
And how often have you had this conversation before? It strikes me as an odd conversation to have multiple times. It's one thing at the start of a relationship to lay out expectations and views on such issues - but past that - what is there to talk about again and again?
On one hand, the fact that he got defensive makes me question the 'why'. But at the same time, if my DH brought up the topic of "if you cheated..." numerous times, I'd start to get pissed about it. And wonder why he doesn't trust me. AND I might start to get defensive.
Basically - I need to know more. At face value, it seems a stretch to say your marriage is falling apart over a change in routine, but then maybe if you told us more....
follow your gut and keep your eyes open. Do not bring it up again unless you have evidence.