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Update - DH with chemo at the inlaws
Just an update (and rant!), I posted here a few weeks ago about moving to my inlaws during my husband's chemotherapy treatments. They are both 60, both retired - and they have given up all of their social activities and engagements to be home with DH, every...single...day. Despite their assurance that they would continue to volunteer, continue with their theater engagements and keep active, they have given up everything to be home with us. All day. Every day.
To sum up how it's going, this morning I asked DH how long we had been here, thinking it had been over two weeks - he replied "seven days".
Suffice it to say, they're driving us nuts! I understand that DH is their baby, and they are concerned about him, but every morning I'm afraid to go downstairs without DH, because the first three days they were literally waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs to come down. And then I'm greeted with 20 questions about DH's sleep: "Did he cough a lot? How was his breathing? So do you think he's going to need less and less pain medication?" All before I've made it from the stairs to the coffee pot - five feet away! I get that they are concerned, and we've tried to have the "Maybe ease up on the reports in the morning until everyone has had a chance to wake up", but it continues every day. And this 'report requesting' behavior carries on the entire day. When we walk our dog FIL wants to know if he did everything - and what the poop looked like. When my DH goes to the bathroom, MIL waits outside the door to make sure everything is okay. When he tries to relax and play video games FIL sat with him and asked him 50 questions about everything he was doing - even asking to take over the game. My poor DH is so exhausted from having to point out all the little things that are aggravating him, in hopes they will learn, but so far they carry on. "He's being too sensitive", they say.
But my biggest annoyance is that MIL & FIL RARELY wash their hands - and they insist on cooking all of our meals!! Despite my placing numerous hand sanitizers around the house & DH constantly reminding them that a person in his condition is highly immunocomprised so everybody needs to be diligent around him regarding germs. Their excuse is "Oh we just forget, it's so hard to remember to wash your hands every time you come inside". Yesterday while she was baking, I overheard DH say to my MIL, "while you're baking remember you have to wash your hands a lot eh?" and MIL said "Ohhhh right, right" AS IF THIS THOUGHT HAD JUST OCCURRED TO HER. I was mortified. I shudder to think about all the meals I've eaten here before now. But if I try and get into the kitchen to cook or clean, FIL is right in there, "What do you need? What can I get you? What'cha looking for? Oh I'll get it no no no sit down I'll do it". Every. Single. Time.
So a week in, I'm ready to pack up and head home. DH is physically fit enough at this point to climb stairs and I think he would be much happier at our home, without constant nagging. We feel terrible though, because they were so excited to get him home and DH was so relieved to have a relaxing environment away from the city - but he didn't anticipate the overbearing parents I guess. I'm dying to move home but more than that, I just wish this arrangement had worked out and that his parents would give him some bloody space to just relax and recuperate 
Anyway not much in the way of advice, just a rant to basically the only impartial people I can rant to 
Re: Update - DH with chemo at the inlaws
Don't jump the gun on moving yet, your dh has on,y a weeks of chemo under his belt right? It gets worse, not better in most cases. You may still need the in laws. Your dh just needs to firmly tell them to back off, and just because the pepper you with questions you don't have to answer, turn and walk away, they will get the hint.
best of luck to you
Im sorry to hear about your husband and the cancer. My 35yr old BIL has cancer as well. Its been a battle for him and my SIL. She stays at home and does what she can to take care of him herself.
Can you have a gentle "come to jesus" talk w/ them?
"Asking us a ton of questions doesn't help. Washing your hands does. Being here 24/7 doesn't help. Being here when we ASK for your help does. I need for you to understand what DH needs - he actually needs a little space, time to relax and REST. Let him play video games w/ o asking him a ton of questions.
And... WASH YOUR HANDS. If you don't and if you pass on germs to him, he could get really, really sick. THis is serious. If you want to help, then do what will actually HELP us."
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Honestly, having caring parents who mean the best but REFUSE to change to actually give the best and end up hurting, they aren't going to change no matter how much you enforce boundaries or request. The only thing that helped me was distance.
However, a week of chemo is really just the beginning! He is going to get worse.
I wish I have advise to give...
I didn't respond to your original post, but I wondered why you were moving in with your inlaws because of your husband's chemotherapy. You've not got children that you need help looking after, just him, right?
I'm undergoing a form of chemotherapy right now and, even though it makes me sick and completely wipes me out, about 4 days after each treatment I'm able to go back to work most days, able to go out and do things, etc. After the first 3 months I got into a cycle where I knew which days would be rough each month and planned accordingly.
Is that an option? For you to both move back to your own home and he to stay with the inlaws only the week (on his own) directly following each treatment? Or a few days here and there?
During my treatments (not cancer, so my reaction is different to the chemotherapy) I "flare" for days after each treatment and mostly sleep. My husband wakes me up to give me water and cleans out my bucket-buddy (it's an attractive treatment, for sure) and to refresh my ice packs and heating pads, etc. It's a few minutes of help here and there over those days, nothing too extreme that I would need 24 hour round the clock care for.
As well, I got stronger with each treatment. I'm now on month 5 (of 12) and each chemo-weekend wipes me out less and less. Us being able to plan for them and anticipate what's coming is very helpful in getting through it easier each time as well (stocking the kitchen with potato-based, bland meals, setting up bottles of water by the bed, ice packs, wearing the right kind of clothes, etc. )
I'd also like to point out the stress that this is causing him as well (possibly). During my chemo weeks I'd love to be at my parents' house being doted on with nothing to worry about and focus on but just getting through it and relaxing - but if my husband were also there and he was stressed and freaked out and miserable and complaining and on-edge that would make the whole thing so, so much worse for me. Hell, I feel horribly guilty on my weekends that my husband is alone running the house without any kind of a break. I think your husband would be feeling your stress for the situation and that's not helping much either. If he is in a cycle with good spots and bad can you try to plan for the good spots to be at your home together and the bad spots to be at his parents' house with you visiting and occasionally staying over?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I like your screen name
Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation - what an awful "treatment" chemo is. Sometimes my husband describes it as actually feeling worse than the cancer before it was treated
Our situation was sticky because of the timing of my husband's release from the hospital. We felt a bit trapped. After his first treatment and he was finally stabilized (there were a lot of complications before he got any treatment at all) and ready to go home. But our city apartment is a 4-story walk up so he wasn't in condition to go "home", but obviously we couldn't just hang out in the hospital, so he wanted to go to his parents' place for the summer and come home in September. They have a lovely sprawling lot and a pool, so we thought it'd be a great place for him to just relax. They also assured us before we moved out here that they had active calendars and would be gone a lot and we'd be given "space to be a couple" etc etc ... Didn't happen like that
I feel that he would be able to be at our apartment now though, and I agree that he seems to be getting stronger as he eases into the "routine" of 3 days of feeling like utter garbage and then he gets better and better every day. However since he doesn't have to work, and it's summer, he feels like he is more relaxed here than he would be at home. He feels he would be "trapped" in the apartment on the days of his cycle he'll feel awful, because of the stairs. Although I feel that his parents are causing more stress than the "relaxing environment" is worth. If it were up to me, we'd be back home. But it's my job to just support him, and leave tons and tons of hand sanitizer around the house - and come on the Nest to vent