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Is this normal? Weight related.
I have a question for you ladies.
My husband and I just came back from a vacation to Portugal. And while I was there, I saw several of my extended family members who lived there, most of whom are elderly.
Is it normal, in your families, to comment on people's weight/appearance immediately upon seeing them?
I had two different people tell me that I was fat. My great aunt, who I hadn't seen in 8 years, greeted me, put her hand on my stomach, and asked how far along I was. When I informed her that I'm not pregnant, she immediately began scolding me about how I'm enormous and how it's not feminine to be so "huge" and how my husband is going to leave me for someone thinner. She said there are so many gorgeous women in Portugal that she's sure he's already started looking! She didn't stop until I began to cry! I tried to escape several times, bean dip, etc. and she followed me around.
It was AWFUL.
So, I wonder...is this normal, even perhaps for elderly people?
For reference, I wear a size 10/12.
Re: Is this normal? Weight related.
The only way that it's normal is DEF if it's culturally related. Also, wise people don't marry people mainly based on their appearances, and you probably look great anyway. Your profile pic is adorable!
Thank you...that's so sweet.
Talk about a sticky moment.
I can see "are you feeling okay or working too hard? You look a little thin" but not what you got. Awful isn't the word for it.
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
My uncle recently touched my stomach and made some crass comment, I can't recall. I told him "give me a f*cking break" and walked away. My Aunt ruined a family get together by making fun of the size of my nose for about 30 straight minutes until I yelled at her. So, normal? I guess. But it doesn't make it any less rude.
Also, if you were in Portugal it very well could be a cultural thing.
It is normal in certain cultures.
Asian cultures tend to be very open about saying "You're fat" to a friend. I know Koreans do this since I found out about it from 2 Korean girls.
I'm pretty sure China/Taiwan does it too since my mom has no fear of telling me and my sister that we're fat.
It's definitely a major blow to self esteem and I never knew why she would do that and even found it abusive, that is until I learned more about my Asian half and realized it was a culture thing. (I'm also a size 10!)
Anyway, I wouldn't say anything, just take deep breaths and ignore them. It's a culture matter not a rude thing. To them it's not rude, it's normal. To make a big deal about it or to try and make her stop would probably only confuse or hurt her.
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All of this especially the bolded party. Even my skinny friend's mom used to comment her on her weight. I'm sure that those from backgrounds or personalities where this is seen as rude or taboo would disagree with this advice. Having been raised in the Asian culture where this is norm although I hate it and know how damaging it can be if it is a cultural norm than you're pretty much hitting a brick wall if you try to fight it. You can ignore them, shun them, never visit them ever again and even say why. More likely than not it won't stop because it's ingrained in them.
LOL! Oh man, did I ever get this when I lived in China! Holy hell.
Strangers used to kindly saddle up to me and tell me that they knew a store I could go to because I was so tall and fat. A women's clothing stall person once told me that I was too fat for women's clothing, I should try a men's store.
And it wasn't just weight related - it was a cultural thing to point out the obvious about people's flaws. My all-time favorite is when I struggled with adult acne (yay!) I often heard "what's wrong with your face?"
Now that's a boost to the ego if there ever was one.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
In my family, it is normal.
"Oh, look at you! You sure are plumping up!"
"Is there a baby on the way?!?!"
"Have you discovered a new food?"
"Marriage is certainly changing you..."
It sucks. I am only a size 6 and I even get these comments. Sometimes people just don't understand how rude they are being.
Btw, if it's any consolation, I ALWAYS get the "you're too skinny" routine(with the implied "no one could ever love you at this weight"). I am sure that if I gained weight I would get "she sure rounded out there, maybe it is time to go on a diet." behind my back. Because I've seen them do this.
You seriously cannot please some people, especially when sniping is ingrained in them. Especially since sometimes the harder they have to look for flaws the nastier they will be...also, in cultures like this, they tend to think that they are "helping" you by "motivating" you to change.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially after not having seen your family for so long. Perhaps it's a combination of a cultural thing and an older person thing? Many older people just have no filter.
FWIW, my grandmother and mom have always felt free to openly comment on my physical flaws and shortcomings. I am the same size as you, and all I ever hear from my mom is how it's not attractive to be fat, how I'm going to have a slew of health problems when I'm older, and that I will have complications when I get pregnant (part of the reason I'm dreading telling her that I already am pregnant lol). Her comments really used to hurt me, but I've just learned to ignore it and walk away. I've tried talking to her about her comments and there's no changing her, so the only thing I can change is my reaction.
I just want to say that I read an article a couple months ago about how 'bigger' people tend to live longer. I don't know how scientifically accurate it is, but it made me feel a little bit better about my beer belly.
A friend of my FI's made some mean comments about bigger people which I thought were completely inappropriate. The friend is a body builder and is OBSESSED with weight-lifting and starving/dehydrating himself for his competitions. How unhealthy is that!?!?
In the end, if you're happy with your body, that's all that matters. People are always way more fun/attractive/trustworthy when they are confident and happy.