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Need Advice - long post :(
My husband and I got married last year in May. We had dated around six years, some of that time on and off again. Towards the back end of our dating (about a year before he proposed), I broke things off. In my head, at the time, it was for good. I had just moved on from the relationship and I was tired of a lot of the stuff he was doing. Namely, drinking REALLY heavily, being a slob (both around the house and in personal appearances), never being up for a date night despite being asked for six months straight, being a hermit, being outright lazy, being a 25 year old child, etc. So, I told him all of this when we broke it off and he really took it to heart. He really worked to change and when he came back begging for me to come back to him, he really seemed different. He was more motivated, rarely drank, had aspirations for his career, worked to take me on dates, kept himself and his living space neat, and had overall just seemed to have grown up. So, we dated for another year and all was going well. He proposed, I accepted, and here we are.
My main problem is his drinking.... Now, his brother has moved in and his drinking has gotten markedly worse. I am not in the least exaggerating when I say every single day. Every single day, as in 3 or more mixed drinks plus a few beers per day. Not just a beer a day, or a single drink..... I have collected the empty bottles from the past week and a half, and have about 5 different empty liquor bottles plus I threw out a handle the other day. Both him and his brother drink super heavily every single day, so it's not just my husband who drank all of that, but it still shocks me!! He has admitted to me that he is a functioning alcoholic and I have tried at least 5-7 times to help him slow down by taking "no drinking days", but each time we wind up at square one. When I confront him about it, he gets defensive and angry with me, even though he admits he wants to change.
With the drinking comes the rest of the issues I mentioned earlier... we never do anything. We never sit down to have a meal together, we never go on dates (I've been asking for quite a few months now). When I mention doing something new, because I'm an adventurous person and he promised me when we got married he would do things with me, I always get a "maybe one day..." response, which means likely not unless you drag me. My house is a disaster - I work a full time job and so does he, I always keep up as much as I can with the mess, but it is really difficult cleaning up after two grown man-children who don't help but to collapse the beer cans from the night before. He is now 27 and all he does is play video games, drink his nights away, and makes disaster scenes throughout the house (he does work hard on the yard). I feel like I am stuck in a life I never would have wanted for myself.... he's doing fine in his job, but has yet to show any motivation for getting ahead. I mean, he shows it after he's been drinking and gets on a kick for going for a promotion, but when the time comes to put in the effort... nothing. On Fourth of July, after promising me to keep the dogs inside, he drank and drank and drank and ended up blowing up one of our dogs!!! (The dog was ok, no burns, but had blackened fur and lost his whiskers). All because it's SO FUN to have them chase the fireworks.............. that to me is just blatantly dumb.
He's back to being super lazy, never up for dates or let alone even TRYING to work towards any sort of romantic anything (oh, except for sex, which he equates to being romantic). He always says, "I'll never grow up!" and then acts like a massive child when I ask him to help me around the house. His brother actually helps me around the house more than he does.
I would prefer his brother move out, but we can't afford it right now, so he's here to stay for awhile. I think if he was gone, my husband would have an easier time tackling his drinking....
I really love him and he is my best friend (even though he does act like a child). When we first met and started dating, he was so healthy and responsible.... I envisioned our family being healthy together and taking care of our house because we worked so hard to buy it.... and all of those dreams are just falling apart. Sometimes I even feel like I want to rent a separate apartment so I can escape from this frat house I feel like I'm living in. Things are breaking all around our house and they just stay broken because the man of the house is off drinking and playing video games. 
I am so frustrated because I can't do anything to help him... my words fall on deaf ears and I'm getting increasingly depressed about our future. I wanted a family, but how can I possibly raise a child in this environment where the father can't even take care of himself. What kind of example would he set??? Has anyone had experience dealing with this.... anyone have any advice to help us out. If this keeps going the way it is, I see myself leaving one day... which I really don't want to do. It would tear me apart...
Re: Need Advice - long post :(
The way I see it, you have 2 options here:
1 - insist on counseling for the both of you to try to sort things out or...
2 - leave his drunk sorry a$$.
Sorry for your troubles, but it seems to me like if you have been telling him over and over and he refuses to listen, then he's made his choice. Is this really the life you want for yourself? To be with an alcoholic jerkwad? I'm assuming you are still in your 20's so you can leave this guy and still have plenty of time to meet someone who doesn't have these kind of issues that will treat you with dignity and respect you deserve. Don't waste your life away with this alcoholic loser.
You made a really bad decision to marry him. Accept it, learn from it and move on.
You know there is no happy and healthy future here.
You don't need life with a drunk.
AlAnon for you,s tat.
He needs to go to Al-anon if he wants to deal with his drinking problem.
It sounds like he was minding is p's and q's and has given that up now. He didn't actually change, though he was trying to be the person you wanted.