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BIL behaviour - is this considered strange?
BIL is 2 years older than DH and they are very close. He, his gf, DH and I used to hang out every week. BIL is somewhat socially awkward and can be self-absorbed, but I like him because he has a good heart and means well.
Since DS came along, we don't hang out with BIL quite as much but we still see him every two weeks or so. I was talking to one of my friends today about ILs in general, and she thought that my BIL was odd. Examples include: he has never asked about DS even though he talks to DH a few times a week, has never hugged DS, played with him, or talked to him, has never gotten DS a present. Put it simply, when I think about it, it's as if in BIL's world, DS doesn't exist. It didn't bother me when DS was an infant since infants are really not that interesting, but now that DS is a bit older, I do sometimes think that it'd be nice if BIL acknowledged him once in a while - like say "hi" to him and pay him a few minutes of attention when we are all together. It really isn't a big deal either way since I know BIL is who he is and I'm happy that he cares about DH and I, but I'm curious to see if this seems strange to other people.
Re: BIL behaviour - is this considered strange?
Don't listen to your friend. If you and your H are fine with BIL, that's all that matters. BIL isn't into kids. Big deal. Don't give it a 2nd thought.
Yeah, it seems a bit strange. Hope you see an answer to this soon.
He might be like me. I just don't like kids. I avoid my nieces and nephew in law as much as a I can. To me they are just germ spreaders (got sick twice thanks to them, now I avoid going to visit on Holidays because every time I do, I end up sick by the time we get back) and annoying. Always wanting attention, worse than dogs.
However, I keep my feelings to myself, which is likely what he's doing. I do suck it up and give them hugs though. They are just kids, but otherwise I'd leave your BIL alone. He probably just doesn't like kids and just doesn't want to tell you.
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Cynical, but it happens.
That being said - I am not a big "lets talk about kids!" person and dont' often ask friends too much about their kids. And even depending on the person (if their kid is ALL they talk about), I'll avoid the topic even more readily.
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Honestly I don't find it strange at all. I don't really ooze baby and kid talk, I never want to hold someone's new baby or fall over myself with kids in general. That has nothing to do with how I feel about someone's child or my own. I love DS and I am affectionate with him, but I don't need to be all about him all the time. Just pointing that out b/c the above poster indicated maybe he doesn't want children (which is probably not true).
At 1 there is only so much a person can do with your child in the way of interaction and some children hate people in their space. Maybe his experience has taught him to wait until the child seems okay with him making contact. My niece is like that with everyone, even people she sees weekly. He could feel like his interaction will be judged, there are so many things. I really doubt any of them are in relation to how he feels about his nephew. Don't read into something that is not there.
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I like kids and am comfortable with them, and I don't buy presents for kids as young as yours - just not something expected in my family, and not something I'd think to do I until the kid is old enough to understand what presents are.
But I've seen other families where the norm is to buy presents from birth and it would be a mortal insult to skip them.
So the present thing doesn't seems weird to me, and I certainly wouldn't take it as something personal.
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This is my thought, as well. I have social anxiety and it is multiplied around kids. I feel like I am going to scare them, or perhaps say/do something that the parent would find inappropriate. Because of this, I try not to be around kids too much (except for immediate family). Maybe have a heart to heart with your H about this- perhaps BIL is embarrassed by his condition and hasn't said anything to you because of that?
GL