Relationships
Tempo982
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I guess I'm lucky this is the biggest problem I have...
Sort of just a vent, but wondering if I'm alone in this... for any of you ladies out there in a long term relationship, do you feel like you are just surrounded by people who are younger than you/been with their SO less time than you and getting married way before you? Of the ~7 weddings I've gone to in the past year or so, only 1 couple had been together longer than me and my boyfriend and 1 couple was older than us. And my younger cousin just got engaged. Maybe because I'm in my early 30's, I'm feeling the pressure to get married; we've been together for 6 years and have known each other for longer. Right now we are saving money and just bought a house, and I know marriage will happen, but it just somehow bothers me that it's happening for seemingly everyone but me. I realize this is a stupid 'problem' to have, and I logically know it shouldn't bother me, and obviously other people have just as much right to get married as I do...just curious if I'm the only crazy person, I guess. And I know, I shouldn't let silly things like this bother me.
Re: I guess I'm lucky this is the biggest problem I have...
Think of it this way: you and your SO have age, smarts, wisdom, a better job basis, money and wisdom on your side.:)
Sounds to me like you and he are doing the right thing by taking your time and saving your money and such and then getting married.:)
One never knows what "grass" is "Greener" on the other side. Maybe those couples gave into peer pressure, parental pressure or who knows what, that they went off and got married. Anything can be in the mix with them
To me it seems that your priority is different than these other couples. You and your SO just bought a house. So I'm guessing savings went towards that opposed to a wedding.
Have you talked to your SO about getting married? What type of wedding do you want? Have you communicated to him what your expectations are?
If you two own property together and live together maybe he feels you are happy with the situation. You haven't shown him that you want more than what is the current situation, if you haven't communicated it to him then he has no clue.
Wants, needs and priorities can change. If yours have then tell him. Also, if you can give up the big wedding then look into other options. Justice of the Peace, Vegas or eloping on an island do exist.
While it is wise of you to save and act responsibly, be sure that marriage is a goal of his. What are your conversations about marriage like? Does he tell you he wants to spend his life with you? Does he keep putting oth things in the way (buying a house, paying off debt, etc)?
I ask because I have a friend who is in your shoes. She had been with her FI for 9 years before he finally proposed. He ignored her every time she mentioned marriage, and when they would get into an argument about where the relationship was going, he would go out for a ride on his Harley. He lost his job and decided to go back to school and that's when he proposed. Conveniently, this was right around the time a number of his friends got married, and all he did was tell everyone what an amazing ring he bought and how he will have the best wedding ever..... Not a thing about how he feels about her. Surprise surprise, now he refuses to pick a date and keeps putting other things before the wedding ( a new job, paying off debt from being unemployed, etc). I know them personally so I know what's going on there. I do not know you but I suggest you make sure this isn't going on in your relationship.
We've definitely talked about it a lot, and it's something we both want. He just wants to save more money first, which I really can't argue with. By no means do we want a huge wedding, but I know he wants to have money to pay for a wedding without going broke. Buying a house is just about as big of a commitment as getting married, so I know it will happen, it's just weird seeing all these people around me saying 'I do' first. I would be just as happy to elope/go to the JOP, but I know some of our family members would be disappointed if we did so.
Thanks for the positive words, everyone!