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Sister in Law Trouble
I am in need of lots of advice. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and his sister has had many ongoing issues financially. To make a long story short, in the past 3 years she has 1) had her car repossessed 2) not paid her taxes and has had her wages garnished 3) totaled her car 4) has a civil lawsuit against her from a creditor (and the judgment is default against her as she did not answer the summons), etc. My divorced in-laws have both given her money at least 5 times to help with the repossession, credit cards (like 30k of debt there), etc and not only is she not thankful, she feels as though she is entitled to this help (she is 36 and single). We just found out about the civil lawsuit not from her but from a court case we found online and it has been going on for a year. My husband has tried to reason with her several times to no avail and we did an intervention about a year ago which led to nothing. She called and went off on us last night as we told the parents about the lawsuit because it is beyond us at this time.
There is some narcissistic personality disorder here and when she comes to visit, we pay for everything and she feels as though that's the way it should be (meals, her hotel, etc). Our main concern is our in-laws as they have no more money to give her yet she feels as though she deserves this help. She also has episodic depression and is the older sibling.
HELP!
Re: Sister in Law Trouble
What ???
Why in the world are you paying for her meals and her hotel ?
She has obviously learned there aren't any consequences to her bad decisions, so I don't understand why you think she will just magically change ?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
You did an intervention and you wonder why it did no good when you still continue to pay for her to visit????
You're absolutely contributing to the problem. Stop paying for her. That means she doesn't visit? Oh well.
She's an adult, though, and so are your ILs. It's on them if they are "broke" but still trying to bail her out. This is ALL a problem I'd stay far, far, far away from.
You and your DH really need to back away and keep your noses to yourselves.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Your inlaws are her parents and give her money and pay for things and you have no say or control.
With that said, ditto PP, why in heck are YOU paying for her?!? Stop it. Don't set yourself up to pay, so no eating out with her and if she is coming for a visit don't talk about her hotel accommodations.
Stop paying for her. She feels entitled because you're catering to her. You're conditioning her to feel as though she deserves this because you're always giving it to her.
When it comes to her and her folks, back off. It's none of your business. They can do what they want. And if they dig the hole deeper and learn the hard way, it's on them. You and your husband need to stay out of it.
None of this is any of your business. It's her life and her money - you're not the spending police.
Why are you paying for anything for her? She sounds like a giant pain. Give her the dignity to lead her life however she chooses, and give yourself the freedom to refuse to subsidize her while she does it. Stop paying for her to visit, and stop looking her business up on the Internet and gossiping about it with family.
This. Exactly.
MYOB about your inlaws. They are adults and can make their own choices.
Don't give her money. You are just enabling her irresponsibility.