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Problems with ex wife
Hi everyone. Hope everyone is having a good morning.
FI and I are both divorced, and are getting married next summer. He has 3 kids with his ex wife.
Soon after they got married she decided she didn't want to work anymore. The whole marriage (10 years) he was the breadwinner. They had 3 kids during the marriage, but not right away.
A condition of the divorce was that he would keep the kids on his health insurance, but not her. She agreed and signed the papers. Now, she's complaining that she doesn't have any health insurance and it's making him feel guilty. He's not keeping her on because he knows it's illegal and understands the consequences.
She flat out refuses to get a job, or look for a job, even something part time. She and the kids were living with her mother, stepfather and sister in a nice house in a nice area. She got into a big fight with her mother and sister, took the kids and has been living with them in a cheap hotel. She's even having a Catholic charity paying for the hotel now.
It's killing me that FI feels guilty about it. I just got off the phone with him, and he's even saying that she's not saying anything about it anymore, but it's bothering him. I said, "Well, if it's not bothering her, why is it bothering you? She's not concerned about her health, why should you be?" I understand that she's the mother of his kids, they have a history together, and that he cares about her, but at the same time I feel like he's dwelling on it too much.
I've never been in a situation like this. I want to be supportive, of course, but I feel like she's a dependent mooch. Am I overreacting? I don't know how to handle this.
Re: Problems with ex wife
It's a moot point... he can't legally cover her. He can feel bad if he wants to but even if he wanted to help, there's nothing he can do.
ETA - OP, are you experiencing some feelings of jealousy because he simply cares about her?
I agree. If they're staying with her parents, or in a cheap hotel, that's not a stable environment for the kids.
Regardless of his feelings, or her situation, it's the kids that are suffering by her decisions, and that's not ok. While in most cases, the courts tend to rule on the side of the birth mother, if she's not even trying to get a job (and he can prove that) and they're living in a hotel, then he's got a really strong case.