Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My brother came out
I went to visit with my mom and brother today. While we were at lunch my brother told me he wanted to go downtown and walk around so he could tell me something. I asked him what it was... I couldn't wait... he said I don't want to talk about it in front of mom. No clue, but I asked him if he had a girlfriend... he said no. I said, "are you gay?" more or less as a joke and he said yes. I was totally shocked. I accused him of lying he said, "didn't you know?" and I said, "no." I still didn't believe him. I'm in complete shock. We dropped my mom off at home and then we sat in the car in a parking garage and talked for about half-hour. I honestly did not handle it well at all. I had very mixed emotions. I was concerned about how my family would treat my brother if they knew. My extended family is extremely religious. I think I was in total shock. I reacted the complete opposite way I ever imagined I would if I found myself in this position. I literally had no clue. My brother even talked about getting married and that he would keep his fianc?e away from me when she was planning her wedding, so I wouldn't help her spend all his money. He hid it extremely well. I know it was very brave of him to tell me and he said he felt relieved. Anyone else ever experience this with a sibling. I need some reassurance that when I process all this it won't be so extremely shocking anymore. I know people are going to blast me big time. Have you ever experienced this?
Re: My brother came out
Not family, but I had a couple friends come out and though a little shocking, it didn't freak me out or anything. I'm very supportive though and believe everyone should be free to love whoever they want to.
If anything, my main worry was that they would be attracted to me, lol! Luckily that never happened and we are still okay friends.
My husband has a cousin who is gay and I was like "wow really? I did not know that" and that was the end of it.
The key is as long as you don't make it a big deal, it really isn't an issue.
Pinterest | Author Site | Tumblr | Blog | Free Printables
Contact PFLAG --- Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. It would be a good resource and source of support for you.
I don't know how old your brother is -- if he is rather young and living with your parents because he's not old enough to support himself financially and live on his own, the fallout that he could get from your parents might be horrific.
They might boot him or there may be a blow up so large that he might leave on his own. I don't know if you can take him in and accommodate him, if that would be the case --- there are many gay and lesbian and transgender (and questioning) youth that wind up on the street because of this.
Give him support.
No matter what his sexual preference is, he needs you. GL.
No family, but several friends. None were a shock. And they had also dated members of the opposite sex while I knew them. There were still signs that they were gay. It didn't bother me one way or the other. They are still the same people they were before they came out.
I think you need to reach out to him and let him know that you were very surprised, but that you are sorry that you reacted so badly and you still love and support him. Ask if he wants you to be there when he tells some of your other family members, since you know that will likely be hard for him.
Also, if you are having issues accepting this, PP mentioned PFLAG and that is a good resource for things like this.
My brother even talked about getting married and that he would keep his fianc?e away from me when she was planning her wedding, so I wouldn't help her spend all his money
HUH?
I am confused. Your brother is gay but marrying a female?
Our family is all very religious and my cousin came out. Everyone has been VERY loving and supportive of him. He is still the same person we all love and whether or not everyone agrees with his choices, they still love him. I'm sure he'll find that it's shocking, especially for the immediate family, but as for everyone else, I'm sure they'll come around.
He came out to me when he was 17 or so. I was the first person he was out to. I was surprised. I didn't believe him for a little while. But I think it was just the confirmation that was so shocking. I think deep down, I always knew. The actual part about him being into men doesn't upset me. The way I see it, some men like blondes, some men like brunettes, and some men like men. It's just a preference. And just like he doesn't want to think about what I do in the privacy of my own bedroom, what he does in his bedroom is of no consequence to me either.
He came out to me about 10 years ago. I love him no matter what his sexual orientation is. We're very close. The only things I've ever worried about are:
1) Gaybashers. (He's not exactly subtle.)
2) The potential for him to contract HIV. (He's unreasonably promiscuous.)
But you can't make your brother's decisions for him. Tell him you love him no matter what and that all you care about is that he's safe and happy.