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What do you think?
One of my family members just put this out there and I don't know what to make of it. I always read these boards but never participate so I'm gonna jump in.
She and her husband both have newer vehicles, own their own home, her husband started his own programming business while she stays home with the kids, and they are often found on facebook complaining about insurance costs (I'll get to that in a sec). They recently became pregnant intentionally with their fourth child. Going against all reason, they dropped their insurance because they said it was too expensive.
Normally I wouldn't care about any of this. Their life. Right? This is where it gets odd. They sent out a mass e-mail with a link to a funds site telling everyone they want donations to pay for the cost of their baby's birth because owning their own business is so hard and they can't afford the birth (Again, their status hasn't changed since they intentionally got pregnant. They are still driving newer vehicles and have all the latest technogadgets which they like to brag about).
They worded it that giving is a joy and we should want to give to them along with a list of times they've given money to others.
Am I being petty? This seriously rubs me the wrong way. The way they worded it and everything. Why would you drop insurance coverage because it's too expensive yet opt for the more expensive costs of birthing without insurance? Why not sell a car since they both stay home? If it were my husband. He'd go out and take a 2nd job for the insurance benefits or money to pay for the costs. My sister, brother and I were talking about this and wondering what they are up to.
Worst of all, I feel like I'm being guilt tripped to give money when I think some financial responsibility is due on their part. I usually make a quilted baby blanket for each new member of our family, but they stated they didn't want baby gifts. They want money. I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about this situation.
Re: What do you think?
Politely decline and say you are tapped out.
This "please give to the Doe family insurance fund" is just wrong.
WHY on earth do you feel guilty, at ALL? And i fyou do- that's on you. You know perfectly well that what they are doing is crass. They have made very specific choices in their lives. That's on them. It is in NO WAY your or anyone elses responsibility to now fund their 4th child.
I would absolutely NOT give them a penny.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
They made their choices and you get to make your choices
They chose to drop insurance, get pregnant and keep the lifestyle they have.
YOU choose to not donate to their fund and to give the blanket as you normally do.
You do not HAVE to donate. There is no way in hell I'd give $ to something like that considering the circumstances.
Feel however you want to -- there is no "supposed to" for feelings. And I wouldn't give them a cent. Here's why:
What about their other 3 kids? What if they get sick? What if the newborn is ill, or hurt during delivery? With a family that large, it's only a matter of time before someone needs expensive medical care.
If you give them money now, you are enabling them. They can avoid the negative consequences of having no insurance, and continue to enjoy their increased spending money
Eventually they will hit a bottom. Better to have that bottom hit now, when its a birth they can't afford that shakes them back to reality, then have it hit later when a child dies of cancer something similarly god awful because they weren't getting preventative care.
holy moly!!! I agree with pp, don't enable them. It's time for them to grow up, and realize not having insurance for a family of 6 is completely irresponsible.
I just can't get over it! Glad to be Canadian, that's for sure.
And how TACKY to ask people for money.
Not only is it tacky, but how unbelievably rude. So amazing the balls on some people....they are the ones who chose to have another child and are expecting others to foot the bill? Ummm....yea....I would be saying no to that and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
I agree with you 100% and I couldn't have worded it better than you. What if complications do arise during pregnancy? This is selfishness on behalf of the parents.
They are entitled, rude, tacky and crass. Why do they think that others are going to sacrifice their hard earned money in order to pay for insurance simply because they don't wanna. None of us like paying for insurance and would rather that money went towards other means, but not having insurance is a foolish decision and one they will never learn the consequences of if people bail them out.
Don't give them a single cent.
what kind of responsible parent doesn't provide medical coverage for their kids (and themselves)? they shouldn't even have the three kids they have already!
kids have accidents. kids end up in the hospital. who is going to pay for that?!
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Excuse me while I retrieve my eyebrows.
That is insane. Do not give them a dime.
WOW. These people sound AWESOME. I hope the sarcasm is coming through on that. I can NOT even comprehend this. WHO DOES THAT?
Wow. Just wow. I mean this:
"They worded it that giving is a joy and we should want to give to them along with a list of times they've given money to others." Like...way to toot your own horn.
All I can say is, that I would swiftly delete that email and give them nothing. I have my own costs/bills family to take care of and I'm certainly not DONATING money to them b/c they are too cheap to pay for insurance. This couldn't even happen where I live anyway since it's a law that you have to have health insurance in my state.
Sorry. That's just sucky.
Thank you everyone. It made me feel better getting opinions. I honestly felt bad thinking poorly of them. I hate feeling mean and am very generous but hate feeling taken advantage of, too. If she and I had been talking, personally, and she was in tears saying she didn't know how they were going to afford something and telling me what they'd done to improve the situation. I'd probably have written her a check. That's just me. It's the way they are going about this that is all wrong.
They are now receiving flack from other people about posting it out there asking for money on one of those funding sites and she's been out there on Facebook complaining about the criticism. I guess I'm not the only one not buying their story. She keeps saying God is blessing them and won't stop to consider why people are angry. I'm religious too, but that is just nuts. You don't do things like this and say it's in the name of God. This is why people end up hating true Christians. I haven't said a word about it. Just feel bad because she is a cousin I have always been very close with. This isn't the first time she's done stuff like this though. My husband says she has attention-seeking issues and that he seriously thinks she and her husband have serious mental issues because of some of the stuff they've done.
Whatever it is, they are being irresponsible. By the way, I didn't clearly state this right. They didn't drop their whole insurance. Just the maternity coverage. If you knew these people, this all makes zero sense. They don't live a cheap lifestyle. They're the type that buy everything 100% organic, have the BEST of everything technologically, etc. She was also trying juicing diets while pregnant which made her anemic and constantly brags about her extraordinarily high IQ. I always thought she was fun, obnoxious, but harmless until she had kids. You know you're dealing with a piece of work when her husband freelances and she very seriously had business cards printed up and gave them to everyone with her name on it as CEO of their company. See what I mean?
I guess this is the best for their family. It's so much cheaper to not pay monthly insurance for 9 months than to drop it and rely on fake sob stories about how they are struggling business owners and take other people's hard earned money. What's most frustrating is that these are people with college degrees. Who could go get jobs which is more than half our population who don't have the means to do this. However, her husband says he doesn't work well with others. Really? This is the real world kids. Grow up! I have decided I'm not giving them a dime. I'll give a baby gift. Maybe a sympathy card too for all the issues this poor kid is going to have with his parents that refuse to grow up. I'm trying to overcome the stigma of the mean cousin who won't give money or as being uncharitable. I have given many times for many worthy things. However, I put off having kids for 5 years because I was not in a financially stable place. At her age, there is no reason she could not have done this, too. I have a feeling she is using this "struggling business owner" thing as a card to play to receive sympathy and money instead of counting her blessings and applying her skills and credentials to further herself.