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Husband is Terrible with Money
Before getting married, we had both separate checking accounts and a joint (to pay common bills and rent), as well as a joint savings (to pay for our wedding). Now we only have joint accounts, and decided to discuss major purchases with each other before going through with them. It's been fine for the past 4 months, but we recently went to Comic-Con where my husband surprised me with a ridiculous "present" for me that I suspect was really for him, and this cost $183. I did not want this thing, I never expressed interest in it, and it was an all sales final item. A week later and I find out he spent $120 on his 8-year old nephew's birthday present.
I also put him on a plan to pay off his credit card, but after checking his account, I find that he's putting an average of $150 on it, and paying off $200 every month. Not at all what we discussed. He was supposed to stop using it altogether.
I'm at my wit's end here. If we go back to separate accounts, he'll basically be broke all the time. And I hate the idea of being married, but putting down two cards when our dinner bill comes, it seems so petty. His really poor financial choices effect me too, though, and I can't let this behavior slide any more.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of problem successfully?
Re: Husband is Terrible with Money
I haven't, but my mom has! My entire life, my mom has controlled the money in our household - even though my dad made more money than her. If any credit card purchases needed to be made, my mom would make them. Every time paychecks would come in, my mom would give my dad his weekly allowance in cash, which my dad would deposit into his own checking account. If he wanted to buy toys that the family didn't really need, like a new TV or another VCR, he would have to save up his allowance to do it.
Remembering this now as an adult, it seems pretty extreme - but it really worked for our family. My dad was hopeless with money and knew it, and he was happy to let my mom control the purse strings. Most men would oppose this system, I'm willing to bet - but maybe a modified version can be worked out.
What goals do you two have as a couple financially? For instance, if you are wanting to buy a house, can you two sit down and discuss how this current behavior is going to end up delaying that?
Also, have you defined what a big purchase is? To him $200 may not be anything he feels the need to clear with you, but in your mind it is something you would check with him on and so thats part of the reason its a problem.
Finally, have you created a budget together? If its a budget you agree on, and you use cash, once the $ is gone, its gone for the month.
Good luck!
I thought about it a little more - maybe the simplest thing is to have most of your money in your joint account - this account would be for joint expenses like rent/mortgage, groceries, gas - necessities. Then, your husband could have a separate checking account just for "fun money." He could get a debit card linked to the account. He could automatically transfer a certain percentage of each paycheck there - whatever you agree is reasonable for fun money. If he wants to buy things that are non-necessities, like gifts and toys, it has to come out of his fun money account/debit card - NOT the credit card. If he only has a limited pool of money to work with for non-necessities, he may start to self-limit his own spending; I'm sure $120 nephew presents would stop happening.
You can also get your own fun money account for non-essential stuff you want to buy just for yourself. That way, your husband doesn't feel like you're controlling him because you have the same restrictions, and when you're at a restaurant together you can still use your joint account because that's an agreed-upon charge for the both of you.
A few suggestions to consider:
Go to cash - no credit card useage (freeze it in a block of ice for a true emergency only)
All money goes to a central joint account to support bills, household spending and savings Then an agreed upon amount is transferred to each of your separate accounts for individual use with no accountability . When it is gone it is gone.
A good book to read together is Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach. The first several chapters have exercises you do separately and then share the answers. The goal is to understand each other emotional relationship with money, values and goals. With that understanding you can set up a budget that works for you both, - not just works for one person.
If continued efforts show no progress - seeing a financial planner or a marriage counselor (in that order) .
(I would sell the 183 "gift to recoup some of the money if you do not want the item and it is not returnable) Your DH does not get to buy himself something disguised as a gift for you.
Further discussions on amounts for birthday, Christmas gifts and amounts spent on the is in order. Should he want to spend more - then it needs to be discussed ahead of time or come out of his personal account.
This is pretty much what we do, though we don't do a cash allowance. The money goes into a personal account that pays for charges to a personal credit card. DH isn't terrible with money, but he's just not a saver, and he's okay having a balance on a credit card. That drives me crazy! So I took over the household finances.
10% of our paycheck gets transferred from the joint checking account to our personal checking or personal savings account--which is used to pay for charges to our personal credit card. The joint credit card that is used to pay for household finances gets paid from the joint checking account. I handle all the details on that because I insist it gets paid off in full every month!
We paid off hubby's CC and he took them out of his wallet. He figured out an "allowance" for himself based on how much of his paycheck we need for bills. We have discussed what types of items come out of household budget (gas, haircuts, etc) and what comes from personal money (video games, lunches, golf etc)
He has is "allowance" deposited into an individual checking account and only uses his debit card. How he uses that money is his issue and he he doesn't have to answer to me for that. Once the money in that account is gone, he is done until the next paycheck. I have an individual account where I do the same thing too.
Now larger purchases that are for us/household, we discuss first and when we go out to eat, if it's together, it's from our joint account. We try to budget how often we go out to eat. We've been on this plan for a few months now and it seems to be working good. He doesn't have any new CC debt. Not saying there hasn't been one or two times where he ran out of money 2-3 days before pay day, but he dealt with it because he was the one that spent his money.