Matron of honor troubles

Unknown · July 2013

I am the matron of honor in my best friends wedding. She was the maid of honor at my wedding also. One of the bridesmaids lives in Georgia while the rest of us live in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. The bridesmaids texted me today saying she will be up for the wedding but most likely nothing else. Is it wrong for the rest of us girls to ask her to help with a bridal shower money wise? We are all pretty much struggling with money including the bride to be. the girls and I feel that she should help in someway with the bridal shower. do you think we should ask her or let it go?

von1976 · July 2013

You might have better luck posting this over on The Knot, but no, you should not ask the bride to help you throw her shower. If you don't have the money for a shower, you can either choose to throw one you can afford, or not throw one at all. It's not a requirement that you host a shower, but I think it's unacceptable to ask the bride to pay.

littlemermaid · July 2013

Should you ask the bridesmaid in Georgia, is that your question? If so, then yes. She is a bridesmaid and should be asked if she can contribute. But if you are all struggling financially then either throw something really small that you can afford or be honest with the bride and tell her you all can't afford to throw her one. It is not a requirement of the bridesmaids to throw a shower. Maybe one of her family members could host one for her.

von1976 · July 2013

littlemermaid:
Should you ask the bridesmaid in Georgia, is that your question? If so, then yes. She is a bridesmaid and should be asked if she can contribute. But if you are all struggling financially then either throw something really small that you can afford or be honest with the bride and tell her you all can't afford to throw her one. It is not a requirement of the bridesmaids to throw a shower. Maybe one of her family members could host one for her.

Oh, I completely misunderstood the question. Yes, it's acceptable to ask the bridesmaid to help out financially, just not the bride.

Mrs.H. · July 2013

I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask the brides maid from Georgia to help out. I also think that since money is an issue with everyone, you make it a low budget shower. You can do a very nice low budget shower at someones home. Have all the brides maids ( and anyone else who offers) help out with the cooking and shopping.

In the past 2 years I have given a bridal and a baby shower at my home and they turned out beautifully

cinderin · July 2013

maybe you can ask her to do something (instead of for cash). Can she send out the invites? then she is choosing the invites, paying for them and sending them out instead of just handing over some cash.

also, just figure out how much money you all feel comfortable spending, make a budget and do a shower within the budget. it doesn't have to be a fancy shower, doesn't have to include a meal. there are lots of ideas for more inexpensive showers. especially if you all are willing to put in a fair amount of effort into DIY food and decor.

Erikan73 · July 2013

It makes sense that she wouldn't come up for the Bridal Shower or Bachlorette party, to fly/drive up 3 times would be very expensive. If I were in your shoes what I would probably do try to communicate things via email to the group, this way you can include her. When planning the bridal shower, just send out a group email asking all the girls, what their budget is for contributing to the Bridal Shower. That will let you know what you have to work with from all the girls involved. She may surprise you and offer to contribute even though she can't make it. Also if you and the other BM decide to do a larger group gift, no reason you can't include her to see if she wants to particiapte with that too. I would just shy away from requiring for her to contribure financially to those events since she won't be there.

EastCoastBride · July 2013

I personally wouldn't. I don't feel it's a "duty" of a bm to have to pay for a party they can't attend.

Unknown · July 2013

Thanks. Yes we are throwing a brunch for about 50. The bridesmaid said she cannot help because its costing her too much to fly out for the wedding. Thanks for your advice!

anssett · July 2013

Don't throw parties you can't afford! That includes weddings and any ancillary parties people feel entitled to.

Sisugal · July 2013

Can you reduce the guest list?

Host it at someone's home -- or a church hall?

You do not need to spend a lot of money to have a good time and shower the bride to be.

orangehills · July 2013

No, you should not ask her. If she offers, great. But it really is not the bridesmaids duty to pay for the shower. If they offer to throw it, great, but they are not obligated to. She is spending a lot of money to go up there for the wedding and do the dress and all that, so I would imagine even chipping in for some parties she won't be there for will be a lot, so don't be upset if she can't! Also- don't throw her a party you can't afford. If she wants it that way, too bad, you can't afford it. Or see if someone else can help host. But there are plenty of ways to make it more frugal- like hosting it at someone's house, getting Costco stuff, making everything instead of buying it pre-made...

sparklerose · July 2013

anssett:
Don't throw parties you can't afford! That includes weddings and any ancillary parties people feel entitled to.

I agree. Also, I would not ask the out of town bridesmaid to help with the shower. Maybe include her in an email asking all the bridesmaids how much they can chip in for the shower, but dont expect her to give anything.

Matron of honor troubles

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