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I wish my dad wanted to be a grandpa
I shouldn't be dissapointed with my dad, he's been the same way for the last 30 years, but every so often he really gets to me!
My dad is just an indifferent sort of guy --it's not a malicious sort of not caring, it's just that he doesn't seem to put forth the effort to care about certain things one way or another. The things that other people get sentimental about -weddings and babies and "Full House" father-daughter sort of moments - he doesn't bother with... and if he did, I wouldn't know it because he's never said so.
I guess I'm just sort of bummed; I just got off the phone with him and he didn't ask about the baby. He doesn't usually ask about her -again, not b/c he actively doesn't care, but maybe b/c it doesn't occur to him to do so. He hasn't met the baby (he, my stepmom, and my 13-y-o half brother live in Nor Cal), and he hasn't expressed any desire to. For Thanksgiving my mom (who works for United) offered to get them half-price tix to join us, and they declined saying they had to spend that weekend doing my brother's high school applications (same excuse now for winter break.) I mentioned today that DH and I were trying to find a free weekend so we could go up, and my dad said not to bother, they can't afford guests right now anyway.. as if we've EVER stayed with them! (When I was in college nearby, and it was just me, he rarely let me stay over.)
I don't know what I expect from him. I know not to expect much, but I still le myself get dissapointed from time to time.
I look at Blair, and I think Wow! What an amazing kid! She's almost 6 months old, and she's already crawling, she makes the funniest faces, and she does all the other adorable things that mothers go all gooey over, and I can't help but feel a little bad that he's missing out on all of it (and doesn't seem to care that he is)
By the time he meets his Granddaughter, he'll have missed such important stages! He missed newborn Blair entirely...
Sigh. I guess it's his loss, really. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Re: I wish my dad wanted to be a grandpa
I'm sorry! You're right though, it is his loss.
My FIL is one of those types of people and it was hard for me at first but after dealing with it for several years now, I just don't let it get to me anymore. He's not a bad guy. He doesn't dislike my kids. He isn't mean or rude to them. He's just indifferent to them. Rhian is old enough now that she's started to pick up on the differences between her grandpa (FIL) and her papa (my dad) and she treats them differently. Rhian knows that she can ask her papa to take her to the park or the movies or to stay over night, but she'd never dream of asking FIL for those things. It's really sad but I can't force him to be more involved.
Blair is a cutie and I'm sure that she is surrounded by people that love and adore her. She'll be alright, with or without your dad involved in her life.
awww thats pretty sad.
i cant even imagine being in that kind of position, my dad melts all over jordyn everytime he sees her.
but honestly i'm just wondering, he's your dad couldnt you talk to him and express your feelings. when he told you not to bother coming up maybe you could have said to him that you really want Blair to meet her grandpa. And let him know you had planned on staying at a hotel.
i mean if we cant talk to our own parents who can we talk to??
i'm sorry you're going through this. Blair is a beauty!!
I am so sorry. Lots of hugs.
talking to my dad is sort of like talking to a brick wall --I could have any number of those cathartic, let-it-all-out, tears and hugs sort of conversations and it never makes any bit of difference.
It's funny, he and my mom are very similar like that. She, of course, is the opposite b/c she lives for the baby, but when I need to get a point across there's almost no point in trying. My parents have impenetrable skulls.
All I can say is that I'm right there with you...I have those very same issues with my own parents. They make no effort to see DS and finally after a massive (and I mean WWIII) blow up at my son's baptism of all times, I finally wrote my parents off and just decided that it's their problem and they are the ones missing out. And when DS barely knows who they are, that will be super sad, but what can I do about it?
So sorry you are dealing with this and wish you all the best.
I am really sorry. ?I know exactly how you feel. ?
My dad was the same way! ?He moved to AZ when I was 10, and I didn't see him again until I was 25. ?He would never make any effort to see me. ?Not even for my wedding. ?He committed suicide, the March before I had Jacob. ?I feel sad for him that he will miss his completely incredible Grandson, who is his 1st Grandchild by the way.
You have to just figure that it is his loss, and Blair will be surrounded by the people who really want to be around her, and who put forth the effort to show her! ?
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I am sorry you are going through this....(((HUGS)))
Haven't been on here for a long time but saw your post. ?
My grandmother was actually like that with me and my siblings. ?She actually told my parents that she was too young to be a grandmother ?and don't expect her to take care of us or spend any additional time with us. ?I saw my grandmother, but is was rare when I was growing up and my parents never shared this with me until I was old enough to notice. ?
?It is your father's issue. ?It doesn't hurt to try and talk to him while she's still little, but as time goes on, all you can do is keep the connection by talking to him, and don't let your daughter feel??like it's about her.