August 2006 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Spending Christmas with religious family?
Any non-religious folks plan to spend Christmas with more religious family or in-laws? How do you deal when someone says something inappropriate to you? I spent Christmas with my ILs last year, and there was one incident where I felt like they were passive-aggressively attacking my beliefs (or lack thereof). We're spending the holidays with them again this year, and I wouldn't be surprised if something similar happens. Sigh.
Re: Spending Christmas with religious family?
My grandparents don't really know the extent of my non-belief, so it doesn't really get in the way. ?I do bite my tongue when my grandpa goes off on some tirade, but his tirades aren't usually solely religious.
I just take another drink and email H so that we can share the craziness. ?I need his support, and he's amused since he doesn't have to deal with it.?
I'll be with my religious ILs. My MIL is pretty good about not discussing her religious beliefs too much, but my FIL is a piece of work and doesn't care who he offends with what he has to say. However, DH usually plays attack dog.
Did your DH help you last year when this issue arose? If it's his parents making the comments, it's might be better for long-term harmony to let him handle it.
We have to deal with that every other year, but it's just more dealing with inappropriate comments about a variety of topics from religion to politics to daily life.
Usually, if it's my 88-year-old grandma, we let it slide... she's not usually super inappropriate, but just doesn't realize that some of the terms or phrases she is using are not appropriate anymore. And if we do correct her, she just forgets anyway. Like "jewed down" isn't OK to say and that "mulatto" isn't what you call a biracial half white/half black person anymore. At Thanksgiving, she asked us if women in India still have to wear those long dresses and scarves that cover everything but their eyes, and if they did, why would they have to wear them. I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember our assurances that women in India don't have to walk around in Burqas everywhere, and that she was probably thinking of Saudi Arabia.
If it's my other relatives, we usually just correct their idiotic statements. They usually end up rolling their eyes or getting frustrated that they have no response. Once when they asked DH why he didn't believe in God, he responded very thoughtfully and outlined exactly why, and then asked them why they do. Nobody could come up with anything.
MIL and FIL are both Catholic and go to church every Sunday, even when they're on vacation. We took a trip with them to California for Christmas last year, and during breakfast one day, they started talking about one of their Jewish friends who decided to convert to Catholicism when she got engaged to a Catholic man. MIL kept talking about how much this friend loved her Catholic religion classes, how she thought the Catholic church was the best thing ever, and she was so happy she converted. And then she said they found a church to go to on Sunday while we were out in California.
Mr. gtown and I exchanged raised eyebrows, and then I said "Have fun. I'll be going to the gym on Sunday morning. The gym is my church."
Awkward pause, then change of subject.
I actually have no problem with going to church occasionally, like on Christmas, but I'm not going to agree to go after someone insinuates that I should convert to their religion! I await the hijinks this year.
I think if you are asked to go and don't want to, just tell them no - politely. You are an adult - you do not owe an explanation to anyone.
my read shelf:
I don't think she was insinuating that you should convert to her religion. Or if she was, you can deftly ignore it. Treat her words at face value.
Pretend she was talking about going on a cruise. They found a cruise to go to while there. You'd wish them well and hope they enjoy it. Can't wait to see the pics when you go back.
You don't have to want to go on a cruise to wish them well. I do think your reply was rather pointed and well, kinda insulting. Think of something that is very near and dear to you - like your pup. What if they tried to equate something you would think as neglible to your love for your pup?
I think a simple, "That sounds nice. Hope you enjoy it." would have been just fine.
Hmmm....I had to re-read this and try to put myself in their shoes. It is very possible that they would have liked you guys to come with them to church (although it isn't clear that that was their intention). However, because they know that you don't go they weren't sure how to approach the subject. I don't think they were trying to get you to convert. I just think they used that story as a segue. They were uncomfortable just coming out and asking you to join them, so they hoped this would work.