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and I wish I liked my H more...
I'm just one big bundle of holiday cheer tonight, aren't I?
The cruddy state of my marriage is adding to the depressing mood, too. It seems like all DH and I do anymore is fight --I hate it. We fight about money, so I don't quit my job and I work from home so that we have the extra income --but then when I'm doing nothing but take care of the baby and working in the spare hours, I'm neglecting the house. So we fight about the filthy house, then we fight about our non-sex life, every stupid little thing.
Then he's super nice to me, and I feel like he's only nice so I'll sleep with him. Or the one day I have to go to the office, I come home and he's managed to watch the baby and do 4 loads of laundry, and I feel like he's just rubbing it in my face that I'm completely incapable of doing anything. I know I've been pretty much useless except for watching the baby since she's been born, and I can absolutely understand why he is frustrated, but I can't make myself be more useful either and I can't handle his snapping at me anymore. It's ever so depressing, b/c we've been together for 12 years and although it wasn't 12 straight years of non-stop giddy joy, it wasn't nearly as crummy as it's been the last few months. And isn't it horrible of me to say that it all went south when the baby arrived? Who thinks that way? She's the best thing ever, but everything else... eh.
Again, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Re: and I wish I liked my H more...
Oh hun,
a new baby does impact a relationship. I think everyone has those moments when the marriage seems less than perfect. Hang in there, things will get better.
I"m sorry you are going through this. I hope things will better soon. ((((HUGS))))
I'd love to take a weekend away -I think the baby would be just fine with my mom, or his, or have my sister stay here.
I don't actually dislike my husband, but you know how it is: you have a fight, and everything else in life seems at the ready to exacerbate the problem (money tight at xmas, something in the house needs a major fix, baby gets a cold and is crabby..) But yeah, a weekend away could really just help clear the air.
Oh Sascha, I can so relate to you right now. We got into it last night because I was so OVER having sex. No thanks, didn't want to even try, I was exhausted and not doing it. It really hurt him and I could tell. So at 2 when I got up to feed Casey, I wrote him a letter explaining how much I love him and that trying to find a balance between being a good mom and a good wife is tough. I told him that it would get better but that I just have a lot on my plate right now. I got a letter back this morning about how this is not normal and we need to fix this and get help about it. He says I can't just shut down everytime we go to have se-x. I don't EVERY time. It's not that we haven't done it. It's just not like it use to be. And lets face it before I got pregnant we were basically just doing it to get pregnant for a while.
Anyway, I've been crying about this all morning and don't know what to do. I mean Casey is only 8 weeks old. SURELY I am not out of the norm here.
jayme, i think sex is the biggest complaint and from that stems the other probs! It's not that I don't enjoy it, but god almighty, at the end of the day that's the last thing I want to bother with. he hints at it all the time, which bugs me to no end.
LOL, that is so my Dh! Such a turn on when he says "I want some tonight". Yes let me just rip my clothes off and hop into bed :P
Sometimes the baby only makes things worse. ?DH and I have been together for 10 years now.
This is going to sound awful, and I may sound like a bad mom, but when I need to clean up, I put on Jacob's favorite shows and let the TV be the sitter! ?It is actually easier for me to clean the house and get things done when DH is not home. ?Even when Jacob was in his walker I would just put up the baby gates and let him wander around while I was doing the wash, the dishes, or study/homework, or take a shower.
As far as the sex life, we kind of schedule it. ?We do use some aids, because it usually is me who needs the kick to get in the mood, so?occasionally?we ?will watch an adult movie, or he will give me back rubs or he will spread a blanket out in front of the fireplace & light a fire, and we'll relax there after Jacob is in bed.
As for money, that is top on our list too! ?One income is tough and it is going on 3 years with one income!?
I hope it gets better for you, it is probably just a funk that you both are in. ?Have you guys had a date night lately? ?You really should, I highly recommend them. Your relationship takes a little more effort after a baby arrives. ?I am sure you will rediscover yourselves in new ways.
Wow.. it seems like all the issues listed is what is going on in my marriage but we only been married for 4 years and we have no kids.. but money.. sex..and petty things around the house are just making each day harder and harder on us.. these problems have been ongoing for a year and a half already..
OMG, We need a huge group hug....
we're going through this too. I've been so sick for 2 weeks now, and I have to wait until tomorrow to find out what's going to happen with my treatment.
DH has been SO grumpy. I'm supposed to be on bedrest. But i've been cooking/cleaning/ wrapping gifts etc. Because he wont do it.
He wont pitch in and help unless I nag him to the point that we get into a fight. He says he's tired and he's tired of me asking him to do things. Hello.. i'm ill! Me being ill doesn't mean that the magic cleaning fairy will take care of his dirty clothes and dishes.
The sex thing keeps coming up and it bothers me. First of all i'm very sick, and second of all... what little energy i have right now i have to put into making myself food and cleaning. We have a cleaning lady that comes 2 times a month but she's out right now due to her having surgery.
Plus all the meds/ pain killers really do not put me in the mood. Especially that bad pain...
I've been so stressed. He even stopped shaving and has a horrible beard. I asked him why he hasn't shaved and his response is.. why do i have to, its not like I'm getting any.
The day i got released from the hospital, there was NO food in the house. He hadn't bought any groceries. So i asked him to go get me soup. We got into a huge arguement, and he finally went to the store. What happened to just doing things for your wife when she's sick?
Men just suck sometimes!!!!
Man i hope i get better. This really sucks.
Sorry didn't mean to vent, but i needed it. It sounds like we all need a break.
Maybe I"ll organize a Nestie spa GTG day after the holidays when I'm better. Group trip to Burke Williams??? Sounds like we could all use a little pampering.
Wow, I could have written almost the exact same thing. Just last week Dh and I had it out. It was a pretty similar argument: dirty house, no sex etc. The baby has defiantly put more strain on our marriage. I love DS more then anything in the world, but it has made everything with DH and I more strained.
Like you, I feel like I have no time to do anything when I'm home w/ DS. It is difficult because he always wants to be in my arms. I feel like I am the only one that can wash a dish around here. Then some days Dh gets a worm up his butt to clean the entire house and acts like I can never do anything.
After we had it out things have been so much better. We both realized that we need to spend more time together. I am going to try to be more accommodating w/ the sex thing (we still have yet to try). And he is going to try to help out more around the house without making me feel like I don't do anything. I pray that it will work itself out and we are trying to keep the lines of communication open. We had both been keeping everything bottled up since DS came home from the hospital.
I hope everything will work out with you guys too. I hope you gain some solace knowing that you aren't the only one going through something like this. I know it makes me feel a little better that it's kind of 'normal' to hit a rough patch after having a baby.