August 2006 Weddings
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Vent: My MIL needs to burn in hell
My father is in town for one week. He only comes in once a year. My DH asked MIL if my father could come for Friday night Chanukah and she said: "no, we want to keep it family."
Every December she gets into mega-biotch mode -- not that she isn't there the rest of the year, but then she's just in biotch mode. 
I tell DH over and over NOT to tell me when he talkes to her and she says horrible things because it just upsets me. Of course, him being a man, he tells me.
I don't know what to do --
Thanks for letting me vent.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
Re: Vent: My MIL needs to burn in hell
my read shelf:
I wish.
However, if I don't go -- DH gets the brunt of whatever comes down.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
That's between him and his mom. Seriously. It sounds like she pulls this stuff a lot and gets away with it. She'll only stop it if you guys draw some boundaries. He needs to start standing up for the two of you to her (which is probably a lot easier to say...). I think he should tell her that if your father can't come, the two of you will be spending the one night with your dad, given the circumstances. That is just asinine.
I'm on a tear about people being selfish and excluding family members in favor of "the core family" or whatever shit that is. What the hell.
Yuck, Shosh. I'm sorry
Thanks gals -- it so helps to get feedback from other daughters-in-law.
I'll keep you posted after Friday.
We're off to pick up my dad at the airport.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
I agree with Alisa
(I know, I know this NEVER happens)
Be the grown up in this situation. Your MIL is acting like a spoiled child and apparently, everyone lets her get away with it because they are afraid of her tantrums.
Spend this special time with your father and make sure she knows that you aren't interested in being somplace that he is not welcome during the holiday.
she's ridiculous! And downright MEAN.
I agree with all the pps. I'd spend time with your dad and tell your MIL to go to hell. But that's just me. If you want to ever have any sort of relationship with this woman you may not want to verbalize the "go to hell" part.
If my MIL ever pulled some shitt like that, we just wouldn't go- DH included... luckily, I know she never would, since they invite SIL's MIL to Christmas dinner every year since she is all alone.
Is she just expecting you to make your father sit at home by himself until you guys get done at her house?
my read shelf:
Ugh, she sounds like a real peach. You could always tell her that you "want to keep it family" hence will be with your father and unable to attend. I hope you're able to nip t his in the bud, because it'll only develop into a bigger problem. And what about if you have kids? If she can't include your dad now, doubt she can include him when grandchildren are involved and that'll open up new cans of worms.
Good luck handling the drama!
I talked to my Dad -- who was VERY understanding (he's not fond of MIL to begin with). He said is going to go to Friday night services with my grandmother and younger sister.
My sis just called and asked if she could come tomorrow (she has a HUGE crush on DH's brother). She talks to DH's bro on Facebook and he is home from college and very bored. I told her I'd rather she stayed away from the drama from tomorrow and if we didn't have to go we wouldn't.
Our two-tiered approach:
1) We're gonna kill MIL with kindness ... and smile because it makes people wonder what we are up to.
.
2) Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
Our two-tiered approach:
1) We're gonna kill MIL with kindness ... and smile because it makes people wonder what we are up to.
.
2) Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.
I don't know......it seems like what you are doing is avoiding conflict and sucking up by puting your family second. Your Dh really needs to take a stand, particularly if the holidays are just the tip fo the iceberg.
I am not fond of posters saying that you should give your MIL the big Fu - it is not necessarily productive. But maybe you can split holidays or something.
You can't reason with an unreasonable person. I'm not sure what it is that is wrong with her, but she makes illogical statements on a regular basis.
DH has tried talking to her, but she will leave the room or hang up the phone if she doesn't like what someone is saying.
We are not dealing with a rational person -- she seems to have a policy of only liking one of her children at a time. Apparently December is not our time.
We aren't really avoiding conflict, because it is there is abundance, we are just trying to limit the drama as best as we can.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
I agree with this. She's going to get her way, and that's what she cares about. And she'll continue to act like this if nobody ever stands up to her.
If my mom told me that DH's mom or dad wasn't welcome at a family gathering, we would NOT be going. ?
A person like this isn't worthy of my time. I'd wouldn't even go to her house for holidays anymore. It's a sucky position to put your DH in, but he needs to stand up to her as well to show that her behavior is unacceptable.
DH is a big boy - he can tell his mother to shut the f*ck up or not go either. Parents tend to forget that when you get married your first priority is to your spouse. It is much more prudent for everyone to get along but like I said in my first post, if she can't play nice, don't play - she'll learn real fast that if she wants to be a part of your lives, she'll make an attitude adjustment real quick.
my read shelf:
Talk about a 180. She was totally pleasant tonight. Bought us both tons of gifts for Chanukah. Was sweet and light and fun. We must be back on her nice list.
Thank you all again for your tips and for listening. Stay tuned.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
I'm glad your Chanukah was pleasant, but a 180 would have been if she had changed her mind and invited your father. She sounds like a real peach and I really don't know what I would do if I had to deal with that on a regular basis.
I had one major issue with my MIL before the wedding, but thankfully we get along now. I think that's because my husband told her off at the time. Every once in awhile she makes ignorant, annoying comments, but I've learned to ignore them. Having said that, I'm always ready to speak up for myself if I need to do so.
Sorry, I meant her personality - ok maybe more of a 135
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
Well she got her way, right? So why wouldn't she be happy?
Because, from what DH told me, after he talked to his dad yesterday that. his dad mentioned that he wasn't happy or proud of how DH's mom acted with this whole thing and he told her as much.
She didn't win. She felt incredibly guilty -- unfortunately, something both of our mothers have this in common: They act like crazy biotches, feel bad and then buy us gifts.
Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be *
This is what really bothers me about this thread. That and you worrying about him taking the brunt of the abuse if you try to protect yourself and your dad from her.
This is not him being a man. This is him being a product of a screwed-up, manipulative family. He's a good guy, I'm sure, but doesn't understand how to break these kind of patterns and is creating a new one with you.
Go read "Dance of Anger." I got a lot out of it and I think you will, too.