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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Has anyone ever had to "break up" with a friend?
I'm faced with this now and I hate it. This friend was also my maid of honor but our friendship has really tanked since I've gotten married. I've tried being honest, and I've tried just kinda avoiding her. But neither seems to be working. I don't like confrontation and I really want to be nice but firm about this.
So how did you handle it if you have had to do it?
Re: Has anyone ever had to "break up" with a friend?
i have. i just pretty much cut off communication with my friend. but i moved and it was easier for me, also we weren't as close as you and your friend. i didn't like the way she was treating me, and i just didn't think that i needed a toxic person like her in my life so i decided that it was best if i just cut her out of my life. i'm also a non-confrontational person, so it worked best this way for me. i have limited communication with her now. i email her on her birthday with a very short message. and on c'mas. but i do not have in-depth personal conversations with her any more.
it really sucks that you have to deal with this. i'm sorry. good luck!
I am right now. This particular friend of mine is extremely immature (I'm amazed she's even married) and gets into a lot of the emotional bullying and girl drama crap. I know her through my DH and she's more family than anything else, but since we got married around the same time I sort of thought it would be a good opportunity to forge a close friendship. She's one of those people that you have to make a huge effort to be her friend, make all of the efforts to see her, and worship the ground she walks on. So, I just stopped emailing her and I'm waiting on her to make plans with us (her and her dh are couple friends with dh and I), but it's been about a month since I've heard from her.
All I have to say is, good riddance. I'm sorry you're going through this =(
I have had to do this w/someone that I grew up with and we lived together in ATL. It was hard but she was the type of person that ALWAYS had to have a boyfriend/SO and controlled situations, etc. However when I needed her in difficult times she wasn't always there.
I look at these situations this way - I always want to keep Godly people or those people or are positively influential on my life. If they are not and things are not good (I hate to sound like this but it was a great piece of advice I received from a former pastor I had in ATL and my mother) then sometimes it's better to talk with that person and move on.
What I did in the situation above is stated to her how things were in my life, how I understood things to be for her and how I knew they weren't working. Not that she was a bad person but that we just didn't "mesh" any longer. I know that there are other situations (toxic sometimes equals if someone is involved something a little more life threatening or dangerous) where this isn't possible.
I'm the type of person that doesn't see things as confrontation - I just like to work through, handle it and move on. No need in letting in continue to "muster" up or build up inside. Deal with it and move on.
I hope you're able to get through this and hate that this is going on for you.
Hope it gets better.
Katie my situation is similar. She wants all the attention on her and it's always always always about her. Like when I talk to her on the phone I don't do any talking...I listen for an hour about all that is going on in her life. She never asks what is going on with me and when I do get to tell her something she will completely interrupt me to tell me more about her life. There have been several times in my life where I needed her and she wasn't there for me. Also she doesn't understand why I can't just drop everything to rush to her when she has yet another "crisis" (and by crisis I mean trivial shallow stuff not a real thing) or when she wants to go out looking for guys. (she's not married) I don't believe I need to be putting myself in a situation with her "looking" for guys. Also we have a third friend making us a crowd of three and she likes to play us off each other. Overall I am just tired of it and the drain it is putting on me.
OMG, I can totally relate. Ok, so I think I'd meet w/her in person, face to face in a restaurant where you both feel comfortable. Tell her what bothers you and what you are willing to provide to the friendship but what you'd like as well, as a friendship is where you both need/want from each other.
Sounds like all she's doing is taking (exactly what my ex friend, we are basically just acquaintances now) and you're giving giving giving. I'm selfless and I never really thought about it and had to basically talk to her. She blamed me and thought I wasn't "there" for her (btw I was the one going through a broken engagement and I had been there for hers and helped her move, etc. Long story short I think she was mad we couldn't live together again b/c she had cats - I'm allergic and she knew that!!!) and that I couldn't provide the same friendship as before. It was hard but eventually she realized things and has changed some. Of course we all change as we get older.
Obviously you're changing more w/you're life w/marriage, wanting to start a family and she's not near this at all. You can still be friends but it has to be that - a friendship.
I hope this helps and know you can email me!!!!
I know it's difficult... personally, I prefer the more passive-aggressive approach. Just stop responding to her, except maybe a "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" type message. Definitely more passive, but I think that's better than an emotional confrontation where it's bound to end in a dramatic, "I'm never speaking to you again! Have a nice life!" kind of way. (Even if you feel that way towards her).
JMO... better to leave the bridge alone and use a different road than to burn it down with one stroke.
I agree with you about the passive agressive-approach. I have had a couple of situations with these "all about me" women and I just stopped communicating with them for the most part...we still send an email from time to time but I didn't have any sort of confrontation with either. Sometimes it's better to just let friendships slack off rather than find yourself in a situation where you must burn a bridge.
Love it: "JMO... better to leave the bridge alone and use a different road than to burn it down with one stroke."
I agree with you. That is creepy
LOL....ok you have to email me with the name of said person so I can recall this situation.... LOL that is totally odd...i am trying to remember who all your mom worked with...
I would use a combination approach. I wouldn't necessarily meet her in person and 'break up' but I would limit my communication with this friend. However, if she ever confronts you and asks why the lack of communication, please tell her why.
I had two g/f in college basically get up in the middle of the night (11:30) and drive home (3 1/2 hr drive) and never talked to me again. it was the strangest thing ever because we were supposed to be really good friends and they had come up for a weekend visit and everything was fine. we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and they just got up and left.
To this day I still have NO idea what happened or why they "broke up" with me...