Same-Sex Households
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Makin' Babies!
Hello all!
I am new to the The nest and just wanted to say hey, and also to ask for help. My Partner and I are wanting to start a family. We do not know the laws regarding lesbians and IVF or sperm donor. We need help as to finding the best way for us to go about it. We are currently looking into a sperm Cryobank but still are unsure of what the guideline are. If anyone has any info that might be helpful let us know!
Thanks!
Jess & J.C
Re: Makin' Babies!
Welcome! Laws are different from state to state. At this stage, I would recommend you start reading - there are a handful of really great books out there that answer allll the questions you have when you first think, "We want to get pregnant - how do we do that?"
The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians by Rachel Pepper and The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth by Stephanie Brill will answer almost all of the questions you probably have in mind. They are very easy to read and incredibly informative, so I would definitely recommend starting there.
As for legal issues try checking out the HRC and NGLTF websites, which I believe both have info about the reproductive laws in all 50 states. There is also the NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights).
Here on this board, every Wednesday we do a TTC-related post where we all discuss our baby-making plans/goings-on.
Hope this helps, and again, welcome to the board!
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Welcome!
Mrs_F already gave some great advice to get you started. Many of us have already started trying and would be happy to answer any specific questions you may have.
Good Luck!
i agree with duchess, mrs._f gave great advice, but feel free to ask if there's something specific you're wondering about. we also have a weekly check-in on wednesdays for those of us who are ttc (and those who are planning to or are already there).
ditto pp
and welcome
Thank you!!
You're advise was great and appreciated. I looked at the HRC website and according to TN law on their site it states "Tennessee law only takes into consideration the use of donor insemination by married couples. The law provides that a child born to a married couple as a result of artificial insemination is the legal child of both spouse." So where does that leave us? Neither one of us have many guy friends - Nor do we feel comfortable with using our brothers as a donor so I feel pretty discouraged at this point. Any suggestions?
you'll need to look into second parent adoption laws in TN - this is the process by which the non-bio mom adopts thier child to have legal custody over them.
Unfortunately, some states are not favorable to this....in which case the child will be seen as under the legal custody of only the biological mother - if thats the case for you, i suggest meeting with a lawyer and discussing how to best protect the non-bio mom and your family based on your state's laws.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
As far as getting sperm - there are cryobanks all over the country, and they will ship nation-wide. If you order from an out of state bank (there are lists of sperm banks in the back of both of the books I recommended), you can just inseminate at home. It is incredibly common to buy your sperm from another state.
BUT - I second CT's suggestion of talking with a lawyer. Look up the nearest gay and lesbian community center or advocacy group to start your search for local resources. You can certainly get pregnant at home with frozen sperm shipped in from out of state, but your partner won't have any parental rights unless you seek them out through second-parent adoption - and some states do not allow this, so you'll need a whole mess of other legal docs to give your partner at least some rights over the child.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer