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NYT Brouhaha over Classist/Racist Photos
Has this been discussed? Not sure, been sort of MIA, but I think this story is particularly fascinating.
From Jossip:
Alex Kuczynski, the baby she had delivered via surrogate, and her son's nanny
New York Times magazine writer Alex "I try to write about the populace, not just the elite" Kuczynski is now seeing the tables turned on her elite ass. It seems that the photos accompanying her Nov. 28th article about hiring a surrogate mother rubbed some people the wrong way. Specifically, the disgusting, racist, classist way.
One photograph showed her holding her son on the lawn of her Southampton home, columns along a wide veranda with white wicker in the background, a uniformed baby nurse standing at attention. Two pages later, Hilling (the surrogate) was shown pregnant, leaning back on her dilapidated-looking porch in Harleysville, Pa., weeds peeking out from beneath it, a dog lying at her side. To many readers, the pictures screamed rich woman exploiting poor woman.
Poor woman! According to Kuczynski, it is she, a lowly style reporter for the Times, that is being marginalized!
Kuczynski, who said she disagreed with her editors over the photographs before publication, said she felt they were ?incendiary? and distracted from the story?Kuczynski was stung by the reader criticism and said she has heard from hundreds of women grateful for her story; some described their experiences with gestational surrogacy, and others asked for more information about it.
That's so weird though, because when this was the plot of Tina Fey/Amy Poehler's Baby Mamma, no one seemed to have problems with the upstairs/downstairs thing.
***
Click the links to see both (1) the barefoot and pregnant photo and (2) the quick and severe reader backlash.
So what do you think?
Re: NYT Brouhaha over Classist/Racist Photos
Here is the counterpart picture of the surrogate.
Almost Baked Cathy Hilling at home in Harleysville, Pa., about a week before giving birth to the author?s baby.
Very interesting. A couple thoughts:
1. Although I have no clue as to the ethnicity of the nanny in the photo, many of the nannies hired by the hoity-toities in NYC come from the Caribbean and are not white. She can't be that racist if she trusts a non-white woman to perform a substantial portion of the parenting duties. A nanny is a second mom. If I was ever fortunate to be able to hire one, you can be damn sure I'd pick a person I'd trust with my child's life. However, ITA that the photo has the yuck factor.
2. Typical Harleysville.
I don't think that's why some are playing the R card. It's b/c she is standing in front of what looks like Tara with a woman "standing at attention" who looks like Mamie.
That's why I said the photo has the yuck factor. I agree it's not a good one. But I also presumed that it was the idea of hiring an AA to be a nanny for a (presumably?) rich, white family.
I agree that the photos were not happenstance.
I agree that the photos are obnoxious and detract from the story. And I also blanched at her enthusiasm about the presumed intelligence of the surrogate.
But I am currently planning a donor egg IVF cycle, and let me be honest - unless you have ever tried to *literally* shop for the mother of your child because you are unable to carry a child yourself, it is impossible to know how complicated, and emotional, and sad and scary and generally weird it is. Not being able to experience pregnancy, or carry a biological child, a woman loses out on a HUGE part of the human experience. And surrogacy or the use of donor eggs in effect outsources that experience. As for myself, yep, I want a smart or at least motivated donor. And if I found a donor that was a science geek and wanted to one day get her Ph.D. and do research, I too would be thrilled - more so than I would with a donor who has a GED and is a housewife. Call me classist or elitist - but I want someone as much like me as possible to do that thing that I can't do.
While a gestational surrogate doesn't contribute to the genetics of the child, the mother (in this case, the author) can only participate in the pregnancy through the experience of the surrogate, and I think in that case it is also only natural to try to use a donor that you feel you can connect with.
It is a fact as well that surrogates and egg donors do not do what they do solely for altruistic purposes. They perform the service for a fee, and as a result, many participants are not high earning, highly educated women out working 60 hours a week and worrying about their stock portfolio. Many need the money. And many don't "match," in socioeconomic terms, the women paying for their services. There is a real potential for exploitation (which is a reason we will not use the services of an independent agency, which takes a huge sum off the top of the donor compensation for matching women with donors of a certain "caliber").
So yea, on the one hand the article left a bad taste in my mouth. But on the other hand it resonated with me in a way I wish it didn't. I disagree that the author displayed a sense of entitlement. She displayed a sense of desperation, and ultimately great gratitude. Until you learn that you will never EVER be able to have your own child - it can be hard to discern the difference.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
Eppd, thank you for sharing your perspective. There is no doubt that infertility issues are painful and may require tough choices. And while I think this woman's plight is sympathetic, I don't think she herself is sympathetic.
She complains when the surrogate travels to Vegas because she worries about the safety of her baby but then she turns around and downs a bourbon, skiis, mountain bikes, and white water rafts. She finds joy in the fact that she won't gain weight or suffer the pains of pregnancy meanwhile her surrogate carries her 10 lb. child. She then assumes all her friends are jealous of her for having the good fortune of having a biological child w/out having to go through labor. She wonders why the surrogate gives her presents when she gives the surrogate nothing. In short, she comes across as a giant douche bag.
And then you tie in the photos and we've just got one big hot mess. Maybe her way of thinking is all very normal but the way she writes about it doesn't lend herself to too much sympathy. JMO.
Am I wrong in assuming that she probably gave her surrogate tens of thousands of dollars? ?
Well gosh, I suppose it would help if I actually read the article, LOL! It was late for me last night, so I was being lazy and responding only to your post. It sounds as though this is a pip of a story.
Don't have time to read it all. yes, the photos are revolting.
The money thing - she talks about the awkwardness of it and of not wanting to make it about paying for a child. IMO experience, I could not imagine going through pregnancy for any amount of money. I was so miserable and I told my husband that if I miscarried a second time, I would not be able to go through pregnancy again.
So the money really is about putting up with pregnancy. It's manual labor, no pun intended. Of course some women have easy pregnancies and love it, lucky them. But for me, and others, it was hard work so I don't see a problem with the money aspect. It's akin to hiring a nanny, but obviously on a whole nother level.
I posted too soon. I just got to this:
Oh, that bothers me. Apathy and fake stoicism? Wow.
It gets worse!
She spends more time talking about that damn computer again and not the fact that this woman fostered 17 children! 17! TShe values this woman's socio-economic status more than she values her heart and warmth, her goodness as a human being.
Eh, I give her a pass on this. Pregnancy bites. Impending parenthood makes you neurotic with worry. I'd get these weird pangs of anger at my husband because he hadn't been taking multi-vitamins when we conceived. Why couldn't he have at least done that when I was doing all of this? Neurotic.
What I would really have liked to see is some discussion with fathers. I mean, her experience was like that of a father, right? With added complexities, of course, but I think it might have been helpful or at least interesting to talk to fathers about it.
FWIW, the notion of "it's meant to be" is anathema to me too - if my infertility (and any other situation I want to change!) was "meant to be" that would make my drive to have a child and experience pregnancy utterly selfish and utterly pointless. It's not a mindset I am particularly fond of either.
I can see how the author comes off as smug, and I don't mean to give her a free pass. But I can see that in a desperate situation you look for the few bright spots that exist - like being able to drink or ski or whatnot.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
i'm late to the discussion, but this thread is fascinating. thanks for sharing your perspective epphd. i can only imagine the emotional roller coaster that one encounters in this situation. and i have mixed feelings about this woman's portrayal of her tale, even though this is not my experience.
but clearly, these photos are dreadful. and if she found them so distasteful from the start she damn well could have prevented them running.
we reporters don't always have a lot of say in the design and placement of typical stories. but you better believe on the rare occasions that we do pen a first-person piece, we are all over the design. if she felt the photos were so "incendiary" why did she agree to have the piece published. i cannot fathom how anyone who would write something so intimate, so revealing and yet agree to a packaging that she did not agree with. very strange.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
I mean she posed for them!
No you are not wrong. But that's not the point. In addition to the bargained for exchange, the surrogate showered the author with gifts (birthday, etc); the author intimated that she didn't return the favor.