i feel like i dont have a place.

emmylou1313

i have been married 1 year and 3 months. i rarely have ever felt completely happy or respected. we have a 7 month old daughter and we got married when  i was pregnant. we were already engaged so it felt like the right thing to do was to just get it done sooner. ever since then he has been on edge something always sets him off. he is a stay at home dad not by choice. he lost his job right before i went back to work. im stressed to support our household under my 9.25 per hour wage and i feel like im about to break. he says no one respect him or cares about him. he goes to job interviews feeling and acting like they wont hire him and if they ask him to put in a little effort to apply he leaves. i tole him im fine with him staying home if that's what he want. he says he does some days but he doesn't feel like people respect that. he said our family berate him about jobs and call him useless but i never once heard them say than. he brings up what ive said during fights when i said i wish i had help with finances and says that i called him lazy. he is not in our bedroom blasting music i just got off work where i found our hours are being cut again and i feel that all the chaos in this house is my fault and i dont want my daughter seeing him or me so miserable. i just dont know what to do.

hordol

It sounds like you guys are in a rough spot right now. I can imagine that your husband feels insecure about not having a job. I know if I was working and my husband was not, he wouldn't be happy at all either. However, he sounds like his own worst enemy. He walks into job interviews acting like they're not going to hire him? Doing that, it's hard to feel sorry for him. He is sabotaging himself. The one thing you can really do about this is to just show him how much your appreciate him. When you come home from work, tell him you really appreciate him putting dinner on the table or you really love that he cleaned the kitchen that day (assuming he does these things.) Just do/say little things to show him that you DO appreciate him, but you can only do so much. Like I said before, he seems like his own worst enemy and you can really only do so much about that. HE needs to mature and realize what he is doing to himself.

I can understand why it is stressful for you to support your family by yourself. I would make sure you're not guilting your husband about the finances though.

Don't accept this as your permanent situation. I'm a firm believer that we create our own destinies, and although some people are going to face a lot more adversity than others, you should never give up trying to achieve the life you want. If you feel your wages are too low, never stop looking for other jobs while you work. If your husband doesn't want to be a SAHD, then he needs to stop walking into job interviews like he already lost. Employers are looking for competence and confidence. If he walks in there like it's already over, he is showing them neither.

MLE2010

This isn't your fault. He needs to get a job and stop acting like a baby. What is his field? Does your family need to move so he can get a job? Is the market in your area not doing well? Also, he is projecting on YOU all his feelings. Stop letting him do that.

TarponMonoxide

Why do you feel miserable?

Have you spoken to him about this?

You positively cannot support yourself on that money, let alone 2 other people -- he needs to get out and get a job.

My guess: this relationship should never have continued, once you started to feel horrible about it --- you should have gone your separate way.

You need not have married him; you could have brought the child up as a single parent or found another alternative that was suitable to your philosophy.

My suggestion:

Demand he get a job -- and if he will not?

Take the kiddo and GO -- get this marriage annulled.

I don't know what you mean by "sets him off" but if that means he's got anger problems or he's hit you or used horrible language, RUN --- RUN LIKE HELL, in fact.  Don't think twice; take the kid and go.

Manther1222

So first of all, he's being a huge jerk.

Second of all, has he lost interest in things which used to interest him? Does he feel tired all the time? , 

If so he may have become clinically depressed, and needs treatment. I would look into medicare to cover costs...

TarponMonoxide

He's actively letting his wife pull the entire family with a job that's barely above minimum wage?

Great.

If he's sitting on his azz and not bothering to look for a job, he sure is letting you pull the whole family. And that's a lack of character; very sad.

What exactly do you mean by "sets him off"?  He's got no right to talk to you like you're a nobody and if he is, bad news.

If he's raised a hand to you, run like hell.

doglove

This guy sounds like a prize. 

cloudymeatballs

That's horrible.  It sounds like he may be a little depressed.  Somehow he needs to make himself get up and do something.  Anything.  Even if it is at Taco Bell, he'd still be making something.  He needs to help out with things.  If he helps out at home make it known that you notice and appreciate it, but also when things are mellow and you two are able to talk tell him how he needs to be a role model and you are working your butt off and need help.  Have him get a night job if you can be home with the baby then.  YOu will have 2 incomes even if its just a little.  Every little bit helps and it will take stress off of you.  If he feels so like no one will hire him, he needs to start low and take what he can get.  He has a family he needs to support.

Manther1222

Btw, if it feels like you have to "walk on eggshells" around him, forget what I first said and google "emotional abuse".

asewell

If you're making 9.25 with unreliable hours, then I suggest that both of you actively look for better jobs. Whoever finds a better job first takes it. At that pay rate, I don't know that you have the luxury for him to dither about whether he wants to be a stay at home dad. I think you both need to be willing to work, stay home, work opposite shifts, do whatever... So that you can take whatever opportunity comes along to get some economic stability. If he can't or won't do that, I honestly think you and your child would be better off without him in the home. There's a lot of public assistance that you won't qualify for as long as you are married to him.

kss20

I disagree with some of the other posters a LITTLE BIT!  He is probably really stressing and freaked out right now.  Does this give him the right to be a jerk?  No!  But does it give a reason behind his behavior that may point to something other than him just being an abusive a$$?  I think so.  He does need to get himself out of this rut and get a job.  I think it would make HIM feel a lot better!  You two need to be communicating about how you are going to support this family together.  Open communication and motivation, I believe, would really do wonders for where you're at as a couple right now. 

 

If every woman ran at the first signs of financial trouble and stress that is related to it, marriages would never last.  Help him, because he needs you, now, just like you need him.