"Friend" getting a little too close...

MsPiggy37

I really do hate it when posters on here are so rude and mean to OPs. We all use this site to seek friendly advice and find solutions or comfort in difficult situations or situations where you normally would not feel comfortable talking to others in your life about. At least those are the reasons I come on here. I really don't appreciate the fact that some people are so rude to others, especially when the person is already feeling down about something in their lives. Seriously? You realize anything you say on here is completely ignored after you directly insult the person you are trying (?) to give advice to, right?

ANYWAY, thank you for those of you with good manners that offered your opinion. I actually did a bit more research online and discovered it was a debatable subject among girls (and guys). 

I can't change my feelings, but I can change the way I react to them. Again, I admit it is a flaw of mine but as long as I work it out with by DH and we understand and respect each other, that's all that matters right?

MsPiggy37

futurefiance said:

I also, think that the mixed messages that your DH is giving you is in part because you seem slightly unsure of IF you should be uncomfortable with his actions or not. He can probably sense that a bit and will also be more likely to question your right to be uncomfortable.


I think he probably doesn't get it because although he's being inappropriate, he probably has no intention of directly flirting.  Instead, he's doing a soft indirect 'flirt' with no follow through behind it.

WOW. You hit the nail on the head. I think that is exactly way. I knew I didn't like it, but I did question whether I should even be feeling that way at all. And I know for a fact he will not follow up on it. I think just the fact that it would be a considered a "soft flirt" in my eyes is what got to me. I am already thinking I was being silly but I am not regretting acting on my feelings, and at the very least talking it out with my husband.

MsPiggy37

Sorry about ^^^ could not figure out how to get my text outside of the gray reply bubble!

Sillygirl45

I understand your point about wanting a place to vent. Personally, my responses are based on wanting to emphasize this really isn't the girls fault. I seriously side eye your H for saying he would feel the same if the tables were turned and then acting like he can't understand what your problem is. I hope you can find a solution.

R.Wilsonny

I don't think it's a matter of being rude, it's more a matter if you coming here for advice or to vent with the expectation that people are going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you what you want to hear, rather than give you the cold honest truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.

You are expecting people to say that this is all this woman's fault when it's becoming quite clear that this is more a problem between you and your H, OP. Whether its a matter of you not trusting him or some other deeper issue. A woman - any woman - hits on your H or flirts with him, if you truly trusted him, this should not even phase you and he would shut that shit
down. Believe me, I know it's annoying but unless your H did something serious to make you distrust him, you shouldn't be blaming this girl for that. The double standard with your H is wrong though, I will give you that much.

My H and I both are DJs and we both get hit on when we are out gigging because that's the nature of the industry but we both trust each other and shut it down. (then laugh about it later) Most people know by now that we are married so it doesn't happen very often anymore but in the beginning it used to happen quite a bit and we've trusted each other since day 1. At the end of the day, we know that we are going home with each other so we don't get mad/jealous
when this happens.

flounder31

I don't understand the STRONG blow-back that the OP is insanely jealous and low in the self esteem department.  

THIS

If you get upset about EVERY girl, you are jealous.  But, if it's just this one, then there is something off with her or him.  To be honest, I would stay away from any guy friend for my husband and he would do the same for me.  Because at the end of the day, we are most important to each other and know that there is no point in fighting over people who are going to potentially float in and out of our lives. 

I think your husband actually does understand that you are bothered but doesn't want to feel bad, so he's playing the "what's the big deal card?"  Just let him know your boundaries and if he doesn't except them, put your foot down more.  Your feelings should be respected and be the first priority in life.  Anyone in a good marriage knows this.

MsPiggy37

R.Wilsonny said:

I don't think it's a matter of being rude, it's more a matter if you coming here for advice or to vent with the expectation that people are going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you what you want to hear, rather than give you the cold honest truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. 

I have absolutely zero expectation for people to come here and tell me "what I want to hear." The whole point of me coming here is for what you said, ADVICE, and to get different points of view. What I was referring to is people being just flat out rude and insulting. You can tell me the "truth" and tell me I am flat out wrong or even acting a little cuckoo, and I will listen to what you have to say, but it's your choice of words and the way you express yourself on here...I just believe in good manners when communicating with others. But the again, maybe that's just me!

MsPiggy37

flounder31 said:

I don't understand the STRONG blow-back that the OP is insanely jealous and low in the self esteem department.  

THIS

If you get upset about EVERY girl, you are jealous.  But, if it's just this one, then there is something off with her or him.  To be honest, I would stay away from any guy friend for my husband and he would do the same for me.  Because at the end of the day, we are most important to each other and know that there is no point in fighting over people who are going to potentially float in and out of our lives. 

I think your husband actually does understand that you are bothered but doesn't want to feel bad, so he's playing the "what's the big deal card?"  Just let him know your boundaries and if he doesn't except them, put your foot down more.  Your feelings should be respected and be the first priority in life.  Anyone in a good marriage knows this.

I think his reaction may be due to this too. I mean, I don't understand why the double standard when he is usually very logical and understanding. So maybe there was a little bit of guilt on there and wanting to not fuel my feelings anymore by admitting that what he was doing was not OK (or at least just not OK in my eyes). He thinks it was perfectly innocent what he was doing and this is the first time he is being called out on it...so I guess his defensive reaction was natural instinct.