dh living in the garage....

mandi12

i caught him talking to other women before but this time was worse. bad enough that im trying to figure out if divorce is right for us. were seeing a marriage counselor and trying to figure out what to do but in the mean time i cant live with him. i told him i need space and we cant live together right now bc we just cant get along. its pretty bad between us. i really think we need to live apart for at least a few months to work on some major relationship issues without chores and little pet peeves getting in the way. he slept in his car for 2 days because he refuses to go to his parents. i found a room for rent and set up a visit to check it out but he refused. i would go live with my mom for a bit but we have 2 dogs and a kid together so i think it makes more sense for him to leave. since hes refusing to live anywhere but home i decided to convert the garage to a makeshift apt. i set it up like a studio apt. the only thing thats missing is plumbing. hes gotta come in the house to use the bathroom. i put a little effort into it just to see if he'd go for it. so far hes stayed there 2 nights. so im willing to fix it up a little more and make it really livable for him but my mom is giving me grief about having my husband sleep in a garage so id kinda like a strangers opinion on this... i was, and still am, willing to find him a room to rent but he just wont go for it!

doglove

Stop taking care of this guy and start taking care of yourself. 

jjbmstinco

What you have done is nice and he doesn't deserve it.  Don't do anymore.  IF he doesn't like it, he can fix it or figure something else out.  

TarponMonoxide

mandi12 said:

i caught him talking to other women before but this time was worse. bad enough that im trying to figure out if divorce is right for us. were seeing a marriage counselor and trying to figure out what to do but in the mean time i cant live with him. i told him i need space and we cant live together right now bc we just cant get along. its pretty bad between us. i really think we need to live apart for at least a few months to work on some major relationship issues without chores and little pet peeves getting in the way. he slept in his car for 2 days because he refuses to go to his parents. i found a room for rent and set up a visit to check it out but he refused. i would go live with my mom for a bit but we have 2 dogs and a kid together so i think it makes more sense for him to leave. since hes refusing to live anywhere but home i decided to convert the garage to a makeshift apt. i set it up like a studio apt. the only thing thats missing is plumbing. hes gotta come in the house to use the bathroom. i put a little effort into it just to see if he'd go for it. so far hes stayed there 2 nights. so im willing to fix it up a little more and make it really livable for him but my mom is giving me grief about having my husband sleep in a garage so id kinda like a strangers opinion on this... i was, and still am, willing to find him a room to rent but he just wont go for it!

Live in the garage?

He needs to GO, period!

Who cares where he goes and with who???

Tell him he needs to go. Change the locks on everything and make sure he can't get back in -- and file for divorce. Get rid of this cheating bum once and for all.

TarponMonoxide

Change the locks on everything when he is at work. When he comes back, he will be shit out of luck.

ksblumb

"We have 2 dogs and a kid together". Your child needs to be your absolute first priority here, not an afterthought that is just casually mentioned after your dogs. Kick him out, continue to work on counseling if you so choose, but keep your child as your top priority in the entire process. Idk how old your child is... But if he/she is past his late two's, he's probably pretty confused as to why daddy is sleeping where the cars belong.

TarponMonoxide

ksblumb said:

"We have 2 dogs and a kid together". Your child needs to be your absolute first priority here, not an afterthought that is just casually mentioned after your dogs. Kick him out, continue to work on counseling if you so choose, but keep your child as your top priority in the entire process. Idk how old your child is... But if he/she is past his late two's, he's probably pretty confused as to why daddy is sleeping where the cars belong.

  Not to mention it is indeed possible he's picked up on the tension between you two.

Very little kids can sense when something is wrong.

For the sake of your child, get away from this bum --- if you stay with him, your child will get the idea that it is fine to treat a woman like a doormat --- that's what you are, you've proven to T in your post that you are indeed a doormat for this bum; making it nice and comfy and letting him stay in the garage...GREAT --- and your child will grow up thinking that this kind of "relationship" that you and your H have is the one to have, once he or she is married.

His father is undependable, has no respect for you, has zero character and is a liar.

Want this loser as an example of a "father figure" for your child?

Then by all means, do not divorce this guy.

asewell

It may "make more sense" for him to leave, but he is within his rights to refuse. And if he's seen a lawyer, the lawyer has probably advised him to refuse. If you own the house, see a lawyer ASAP. If its a rental, then you need to move. I get that it's disruptive to your kid, but it certainly has to be better than living in a home with dad in the garage for months!

Manther1222

Um, if it's his choice not to leave then it's not on you where he's sleeping. Also, you were extra-nice to him to fix up the garage like that.

iteachkids81

I'm going to say the opposite of what some of the previous posters have said. I don't know the whole story here, but if he's just chatting online with women and not actually having physical interaction or sex with them, I get that it's a problem but not as big as actual cheating. I do understand that its a repeated issue so that's defintely something I agree with you seeking counseling for. 

that aside, I think having him stay in the garage is fine. that way he's still around to help take care of the kid, but you aren't sharing a bedroom. 

I think it was nice of you to fix up the garage- but obviously you love him so you want him to be comfortable in this mess of a situation. 

I do agree that you should be thinking of yourself and your child first, but I also think that if you feel your marriage is worth saving then you should be willing to do whatever you need to to get there. 

Waiting4AMiracle

So you took him back already one time for talking to other women, you say this time was even worse, so guess what? If you take him back next time will be even worse. And then you'll end up with some STD or something. Get rid of his scummy ass. "But we have a kid together" Doesn't your kid deserve to have a mother who isn't crying all the time because daddy cant keep it to himself? If you think its worth it go right on ahead and stay with him but just remember he will do it again. Maybe one time and he can change but he did it again and worse. He is not ever going to change. If you knew you could get away with something every time he would just be mad (like, making a large purchase without approval/discussion) you would keep doing it. He now knows he can do it, hell just have to suffer for a little while and then youll take him back and he can go right on ahead and do it again. I dont know you but EVERYONE deserves to be with someone who wont do this kind of shit. How would he feel if YOU did exactly what he did? Would he take you back? IDK. Sounds like a really piece of crap you have for a husband. Be careful if you do take him back. 

TarponMonoxide

Waiting4AMiracle said:

So you took him back already one time for talking to other women, you say this time was even worse, so guess what? If you take him back next time will be even worse. And then you'll end up with some STD or something.

Fool me once.

You know the rest.