Trouble in Paradise
LaLovely
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Tired, annoyed and all the above!
My h and I have been really going through some problems lately. Some of them we have managed to work some not. Most recently he was angry with me for going out with a friend for drinks well They were drinking I was just hanging out. I asked him if we had plans, we didn't, I asked if he would rather do a couples night in, he said no I'm going to my parents house. So I went to a faculty club at my job with a few of my co-workers and his. I was gone from 5:30-7pm. I called him and said hey I'm on my way home what would you like to do for the evening. He replied nothing, don't worry about me. I called and texted several more times to see if he was home but no answer. When I returned home he told me he wasn't feeling me and NOT TO TOUCH HIM! I've tried to ask several questions as to why he was mad, and the only response I got was it's childish to do double dates. Today is DAY 11! He hasn't touched me, kissed me, hugged me nothing. I have mentioned it several times and I get no response. What can I do? How is this ok to not have any interaction with your spouse and you live with them? Am I overreacting?
Re: Tired, annoyed and all the above!
Whatever, he sounds like he is trying to punish you. I would get in his face and ask him WTF is wrong with him.
That is the answer I am waiting for? What is wrong? He told me that at the end of the day he doesn't want to spend time with other people he wants to spend time with me. Fine that's ok. But when we work at the same place go to lunch together and go home together EVERYDAY it get's to be too much and I really don't think 1 1/2 hours away from him is too much!
He is social with who he want to be social with. He has a reason why I shouldn't hang out with each of my friends. One of them he says she talks to much. She doesn't drink she doesn't smoke she doesn't go out but she talks to long and too much so he doesn't want her around.
This is odd. He can't pick your friends, dictate when you see them, and punish you when you do. Does he have any other controlling behaviors?
yea he has some others. how much I can drink where I can go with whom and the list goes on
It seems you have been having problems with your husband for a while. Problems with him being inappropriate with other woman and putting them above you, problems with his being controlling and telling you who you can and can not be friend with, problems in bed.
I will be completely honest with you, I think you need to go to an individual counselor and get ot the bottom of why you have tolerated this behavior for so long. Please know, I don't mean that to be rude or as an insult. I have gone to counseling before and it was one of the healthiest decisions I ever made.
so, he tells you who to hang with
when you can hang
how much you can drink
where you can go
do you understand that this is all abusive behavior?
he is manipulating and a total jackass
he probably tells you what to wear too
it should scare the crap out of you, but at least maybe your eyes are opened to it now, and hopefully that will be a step in the right direction for you.
do you have a therapist?
I think that would be a really good thing for you
may I ask what happened to therapy with your h
great...that doesn't surprise me
well now it is time for you to pick one for yourself!
Going out for 90 minutes shouldn't warrant 11 DAYS of no affection. That's abusive and manipulative. It's not like you were handing out blowies during those 90 minutes, or did I miss that in the OP?
He's abusive. And a manipulative one, at that. You deserve better, even though I guarantee you don't think you do.
Get a therapist. Get a lawyer. And file.
Get OUT. Divorce him and find a man who loves you, trusts you to make your own choices and is in love with who you are not who he wants you to be.
Temporarily ? Sure maybe he might change to keep you in the marriage. But long term, I highly doubt it.
This goes down to his core being and people like this don't change. This is who he is.
yes, he will change ,,,,he will become more abusive!
Thanks again for all the advice! He actually left me yesterday after me leaving the house for 10 minutes and not texting him to tell him(he was at the movies) so now I am free to focus on myself and moving on.
Sorry to hear that. Just know this is for the best and one day you will look back and be incredibly happy he is gone.
RIght now, focus on yourself.
1. talk to a counselor and get to the bottom of why you tolerated this behavior for so long and what you can do to make sure it NEVER happens again.
2. Don't date for a while.
3. Start planning a vacation. Go somewhere you have always wanted to go.
4. Consider going back to school to improve your skills and your resume. The fall semester is starting soon, so don't wait too long.
5. Even if you don't go back to school, consider taking a class in a subject you find interesting. Do you want to know more about photography, then take a class ? What about art, or American History or computer or introduction to business ?
6. Is taking a class at a college too much ? Maybe start at a smaller level. I know Home Depot and Lowe's sometimes offer classes on things like putting up crown molding or back splash tile or painting techniques.
7. Is there a cause that is important to you ? Then volunteer.
Just do what you have to do to fill your life and schedule with activities that will fill your life with more purpose
I would also talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. It sounds like he might not have truly left you and he is just trying to punish you. Seriously, talk to a lawyer today.
This isn't normal behaviior for an adult.
Needless to say, he has to cut it out.