Cheating

tru2lyfe4u

I know I'm probably going to get ripped a new one over this,  but I think that may be what I need. 

I keep finding myself thinking about cheating on my husband. In the past few years our sex life has become mundane and any effort I have made to spice things up has been rejected. In the past (prior to meeting my husband) I would either leave or cheat. I know that seeking out a meaningless encounter is not a viable option but I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I know that I could get away with it which makes this temptation all the more dangerous. 

RunBooRun

1. Talk to your husband. He needs to know that he is not meeting your needs sexually. Don't do it in the bedroom during the moment. You need to have a rational conversation with him about it.

2. Do you love your husband? If you do, don't cheat on him. You will ruin everything. If you don't, don't cheat on him. Reassess your marriage and decide if you want out. Go to counseling and try to work it out if you see hope. If you see zero hope, get a divorce. Don't cheat on him. Its never the right thing to do.

3. Get some individual counseling. You are obviously a serial cheater and need to figure out why.

TarponMonoxide

This is an H problem. That he didn't meet you halfway on your requests is not great.

The problem isn't cheating.

The problem is Do you still want to continue the marriage to him?

I don't know how long you have been married or any other details. Some backstory would help.

ANything can be happening here.

Maybe it's over. That's a possibility.

Maybe he's been having an affair and that's why he won't ante up; a guy doesn't stop having sex when he's been plenty sexually active --- unless something is wrong on the physical side; if he isn't experiencing an organic problem that's killing his sex drive or not enabling him to perform sexually, yeah, something is amiss.... and only he can explain what it is.

You just don't go out and have an affair because your partner won't ante up in the bedroom.

ANother talk with him ---- and you tell him YOUR needs to be met and that is his duty as an H, just as it is your duty to make sure he is happy in the bedroom.

I'd make it crystal clear that he needs to comply.

You could have him see a doc to see if he's got a physical problem but I don't think that's the problem her.

If he won't comply, you can ask him if you can pursue an open relationship, if that floats your boat --- and if he won't you're going to have to decide where to go from there: either you accept a sexless marriage or you politely move on. NOT have an affair; that won't help matters or prove anything. GL.

TarponMonoxide

We don't have an edit key anymore ---- "he won't give it up in the bedroom" is a problem when it has gone on for several months or more, imo.

As I said: talk to him. And make it a long one and a frank one. 

cloudymeatballs

Talk with your H about this..  Affairs are never a good idea.  If you do love your H then talk with him.  If he were having the same thoughts towards you, wouldn't you hope that he would talk with you about the problem instead of just ruining the marriage completely?  If he is still in this, I am sure he would want to correct the problem...

anssett

Do you want to be married to him, other than the lack of sexual intimacy? Are you still emotionally connected? Still best friends and partners? Each other's cheerleader? That has a big impact on my answer. 

Regardless, the first step is to talk to him and make sure he hears you. I wouldn't open with 'it's been so long since you f*ed me that I'm considering an affair'. However, I also think you need to be really honest/direct/clear that this is a really big deal for you and you need a resolution to start SOON. 

MoreThanSparrows08

From someone who has been exactly where you are and made the wrong choice, I STRONGLY advise talking to your spouse about how you're feeling.  What you are considering doing will without a doubt do irreparable damage to your marriage.  He cannot fix what he doesn't know is wrong.  Be honest and open with him.  

I would also highly recommend finding a marriage counselor to speak to - either individually or together.  You need advise from a professional that isn't as close to your marriage as you and your spouse are.

I have spent the last three years repairing the damage I did when I cheated, and we still struggle regularly with issues created by the choices I made.  Please consider the ramifications of this decision carefully.

vpine

Sure, thinking about being unfaithful can happen from time to time especially the longer you been together but thinking about it constantly is another thing, a slippery slope. It sounds like the spice is definitely missing but doesn't mean it's gone forever, I suggest talking to your husband and trying to spice things up with him yourself.  You can do it in a car if needed to satisfy the 'thrilling' feeling but just don't cheat, that's a sad and disrespectful thing to do.

jordancorrine2015

i'm quite open about my sex life to my fiance he isn't much of a nypho as i am but he satisfies me the way i need to be.

i would suggest a sex book or games that would spice it up a little bit.

in fact there are several on the tablets. if you don't have one check your local book store.

sex is a great and powerful thing and if connection isn't there it can ruin the world.

loves2shop4shoes

You need to assess whether or not you love your H and whether or not you want to try to make this marriage work.

Either way, cheating isn't a good plan.  It shows a complete lack of respect for your H as a person.  If you're really that close to cheating, tell your H and end the relationship.