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Ready To Give Up
I will try to keep this as short as I can.
I have three dogs, and one cat. I had four dogs, but I had to re-home one when my son was born. Its a long story that I will tell if you'd like.
Three weeks ago the stars aligned for the perfect (perfect as in all the elements where there) situation where my son got nipped on the cheek by one of my dogs. DH was instantly "get rid of her". I was on board. Now I'm not sure.
Yesterday, my son got a little growl to come out of another one of my dogs.
Basically, I am failing miserably as a pet-owner and I don't know what to do.
Here's the breakdown:
J., my 5 year old mini-dachsund, only likes my son when he's in his highchair and feeding her. Otherwise she runs from him and she is the one who got spooked, yelped and nipped him on the cheek. Throughly scaring all of us. She has dominance issues and doesn't like children unless they are sitting still and petting her.
H., my 6 year old golden retriever, is afraid of my son again unless he's in his highchair and feeding him. When DS gets close to him he runs away, and yesterday he let out a little warning to be left alone. Which we made sure DS did.
V., my 3 year old great dane is scared of everything EXCEPT DS. He lets him climb all over him.
P., my 8 year old cat, like DS but he's destroying my house with his claws.
What I've tried. Basic training for all of the dogs, but I never put in the time and effort to really establish myself as the leader of my house. I've been working with DS to leave the dogs alone, and to be gentle when touching them. I've used cat scratchers and special sprays for the cat.
I just contacted two different trainers and both of them will cost over $600.00 for a few sessions. I don't have that kind of money right now... But can I afford to wait much longer.
My husband is ready to clean house. He is afraid for our son and can't take the guilt, stress, and fear that having pets is causing him right now. I am the only one holding this all together and I'm so damn scared and tired.
I know I'm the one who is in need of training, I know I'm the one who needs to fix this, I know I'm the one who has completely and utterly screwed up. Knowing all of that doesn't change the fact that I'm working against my household, and my finances.
I can't give up on them, they didn't ask for any of this and yet giving up would be so much easier... I know that I'm probably going to be crucified and thats ok, because I know I deserve it, you won't get any arguements here from me about being a bad pet-owner. But if I can get that out of the way I really need to know what to do because I am so damn lost and my house is a mess right now.
I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. What would be best for me, for my son, for my husband, for my pets... None of the answers match up. I need help.
Re: Ready To Give Up
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
Background:
I've been there (kinda).
I have 2 LOs. DS is almost 2, DD is 6 months.
I have 2 dogs. B (Dog1) is a 6 yr old lab/pointer mix. D (Dog2) is a 5 yr old GSD/Collie mix.
I have 2 cats. M (Cat1) is a 7 yr old Maine Coon mix (think BIG) and F (Cat2) is a 2.5 yr old DSH
I also foster cats/kittens for a local rescue
Cat1 does like DS and has regularly scratched him. Cat2 tolerates DS and has occasionally bit him. Ya know what? Every time we've told DS to leave them alone and did NOT reprimand the cats because they were defending themselves.
Both dogs love DS but Dog2 is more skittish and gets worked up when he's running around playing. One night DS fell on Dog2's foot and scared her. She grumbled. We should've put her in the kitchen, but we didn't. Not much later DS scared her again and she got his face. Right below his eye. DH was livid. DS was scared, but then calmed quickly. I knew it was our fault. We put Dog2 in the kitchen for a break and right afterward DS went over and got kisses from her through the gate.
The BEST thing you can do for your animals is be proactive. Give them plenty of kid-free space. We have baby gates on our stairs, so the cats can retreat upstairs and be left alone and one in the kitchen so the dogs can be locked in there with their food and water and have a break.
Also remember to breathe. It gets easier.
Miles (6 year old Maine C00n mix), Boots (5 year old Lab mix), Darla (4 year old GSD/Collie mix), Frankie (1.5 year old DSH mix), Peanut (15 months old - 09/11), and Bean (arriving Feb 2013).
Miles (6 year old Maine C00n mix), Boots (5 year old Lab mix), Darla (4 year old GSD/Collie mix), Frankie (1.5 year old DSH mix), Peanut (15 months old - 09/11), and Bean (arriving Feb 2013).
You need to read up on non-verbal warning signs and body language -- avoiding eye contact, licking lips, etc.
You need to teach your child that we don't climb on dogs, we don't hug dogs, we don't yank fur, tails or ears, we don't bother dogs while they are eating or sleeping. And you need to physically separate the child and the dogs when you can't be supervising with 100% of your attention.
If you missed the warning signs -- or worse, reprimanded them in the past for growling, the act of nipping was their last resort to tell you, get this kid away from me!
It is unreasonable to expect dogs to be manhandled by children and just sit there and take it.
Okay for the cat, he has plenty of kid free space, my entire downstairs, our room, the top of the kitchen cabinets is where he spends most of his observation time. I clip his nails regularly, and I used those plug-ins before they didn't stop him. He just recently took a liking to our living room carpet so I put his scratching post there. It seems to have stopped him. For now...
The dachsund. What she did to DS was my fault. She was sitting in the middle of all of his toys chewing on a bone and DS snuck up on her, wacked her in the butt and she reacted. He's fine, she's fine, totally 100% my fault. That said. DS comes first and always will. Period. So she has her crate which she goes to when she needs a break and we keep DS from bothering her there. When she needs a break but doesn't want to go into her cage we put her in the kitchen and close the baby gate. She follows us to DS's room and wants to be in our laps, but when DS approaches she runs. How can I give her the best of both, I can't give them both my attention when she doesn't want to be near him.
- She does have dominance issues, she has them with other dogs and with our other two dogs, she guards her food and nips anyone that comes too close to her while we're eating.
We leave the dogs the rest of the house while we play with DS in his room, they sit in the hallway by the baby gate waiting for us to come out. When we play in the living room we designate a spot for DS and the dogs, we keep the kid out of the dogs area and the dogs out of the kid area and I still can't make them happy.
I contacted a trainer, and I can't afford him...
Born: August 27th, 2012
8lbs. 15oz. 20" @ 7:07pm
Follow The White Rabitt
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
No I haven't made up my mind. I'm taking the blame for all of this and I want to make my home safe for everyone, so I'm listening to everyone and taking it all in.
That said. Being rude or aggressive with me won't bring out my best qualities either. I'm going to do whats best for my family, two and four legged alike.
Born: August 27th, 2012
8lbs. 15oz. 20" @ 7:07pm
Follow The White Rabitt
Thats one of my main concerns, if she already has these issues what happens if the next home makes them worse.
I'm being blatanly honest right now. I'm tired of them all. Giving them up would be so much easier. I want to love them and cherish them but right now all they do is annoy me. And I truly hate myself for that. Because I was never like this. She yelps when she isn't getting what she wants, its constant and mind numbing. They don't lay down they don't sit they hover over my food while I'm eating. The charge the door when they go out, they jump on everyone that comes in and it is all my fault. I have completely failed. And I am tired because my house has turned into a nightmare. I don't want to teach my son this is how you raise a dog, and if it doesn't work out you can just get rid of them.
I'm scared to death of missing a que and him getting hurt. I feel like I'm living in a glass house and its all going to shatter around me if I slip up.
I spoke with a man who is a Certified Dog Behavioral Advisor from this organization www.caninedimensions.com he said he would come to our house three to four times over a six month period for $695, his plan will be written down and no its not guaranteed buts he's worked with worse situations.
Can I give them the time they need and deserve. During the week I get home by 5:30, from 5:30 to 7:00 I'm feeding my son, playing with him for a little bit and putting him to bed. From 7:00 to 8:00 we're taking care of things around the house and making dinner, we eat at 8:00 and I'm in bed by 9:00 up by 5:30. WHEN AM I GOING TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY NEED. Sorry to yell I'm yelling at myself.
Born: August 27th, 2012
8lbs. 15oz. 20" @ 7:07pm
Follow The White Rabitt
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
Born: August 27th, 2012
8lbs. 15oz. 20" @ 7:07pm
Follow The White Rabitt
I would start by finding a way to exercise your dogs. Like musac said, tired dogs are well-behaved dogs. Go on a long family walk when you get home and on weekends, this way you're spending time with them, DS and your H. Look into doggy daycare or a dog walker once or twice a week. Our pup goes on a long hike once a week and it tires him out for a few days! I would look to your vet or local shelter for suggestions.
I think that a one time visit with a trainer and then regular practice, even 15 minutes a day, will make a big difference in their behavior. Training will help tire them out as well. Like LuckyAngel said, you & your H can switch between looking after your DS and working with the dogs.
I can only imagine the handful 3 dogs plus a young child is, but I'm sure if you work with your H you can do it and not have to give them up!
I just started the search for help, so I’ve talked with two trainers, the one I already mentioned and another later yesterday who is more expensive but works on a commit based program so they would work with us until the results we want have been achieved.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
We’ve worked with the one lesson trainers in the past, they gave us the knowledge we needed for basic training, we know what to do in that aspect, but we’ve never followed through. Frankly we don’t follow through with much. And I think my dogs are shining a big bright light on that right now. I had a long talk with DH about the example we are setting for our son. I don’t know how we’re going to do it, fitting in the time to work with each dog, exercising them (because I am honestly broke, trying to figure out how to afford food for my husband and I because I feed our son and dogs first kind of broke) and continuing the training throughout the day, while going to work and taking care of our son and home. I know that we can. I know if we really want to we can. I think that we can… I lose faith as I talk about it because nothing has worked in the past, we’ve never been able to implement training and have it work. I think its all or nothing right now. And being as I am the only one who is ready to work I’m scared to death of carrying this load and failing.
I hope its clear that I do not blame my dogs for their behavior, I know it is 100% my responsibility and failure that has lead me to this place.
There are no more places to put baby gates in my house, honestly I have them up everywhere. And the layout of my house means that if I want to keep the dogs out of the living room they have to be kept in my tiny kitchen, outside or downstairs. Yes in the mean time they are being separated. But it seems unfair to the dogs...
Thanks for the trainer suggestions.
Born: August 27th, 2012
8lbs. 15oz. 20" @ 7:07pm
Follow The White Rabitt